Don't Ask Women When They're Having Children

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©Simply Nailogical Inc. All opinions are our own.

[ksen]

I got asked this at a baby shower. When the man found out how old I was(much older then the expecting mother the baby shower was for), he told my mother to "find me someone to marry". I did not know this man, but it was insulting & infuriating that he thought he had any say/influence in my life. I love & adore the kids in my family but having my own is something I know I'll never be ready for even with all the experience of taking care of siblings & cousins. I'll babysit and be the cool aunt for as long as I live

[cameo]

I remember my older sister telling me when she had been with her boyfriend for about 3 years she was asked so when are you getting engaged. When they got engaged, everyone asked when is the wedding. After they were married many asked when is a baby coming along. When her baby was about a year old, many asked when is a brother or sister coming. It just goes on and on. Why are people so nosey!

[ashleymayes]

Looking someone dead in the eyes and saying "small talk sucks, don't make it worse" is the PERFECT response to someone asking when you are going to have kids. Thank you for this.

[kellyjokanovich]

Medically it wouldn’t be safe for me to have kids. As someone who wants to be a parent, it’s incredibly hard to hear the question and know that the answer will always be “I won’t be having any biological kids” or when I say that I’m considering adoption I get met with “but when are you going to have real kids?” Like it’s a no win situation. Don’t ask people when they’re having kids

[Aurorya]

"You don't want kids ? Just wait till you've met the right person !" Well mister, if he wants kids, he's not the right person 🤣

[SCSilk]

I’m 56.

I stopped getting the kids question four years ago. But now when I go to alumni events, I’m asked if my son is on the team. I respond “no, my boyfriend is”. That shuts them up.

[vortex-]

I personally don’t want children and I feel like there’s more people who don’t want kids than we think. And since I’m young, a lot of people tell me I will change my mind when I’ll meet someone. My answer would be yes, maybe I’ll change my mind but at the moment, I just can’t talk about having kids (I feel like it’s such a big change in your life that I’m not ready to face). So I want these people to understand that in some cases, the mind can change. But not for everyone. That’s why it’s not nice to ask this question.

[thebreakdownartist]

It's not only about weather or not it's a choice.. as you said. I have had 5 miscarriages and when people ask me I go into trauma mode

[Kelly-ibhf]

I'm 30. My husband and I have been together 13 years. We own a house. All of my friends have kids. And people STILL tell me I'll change my mind about not wanting kids. I think by now if I was going to change my mind, I would have!

[Renn]

I’ve recently found out (after lots of tests) that I’m infertile. It hit hard and the thought of people asking me and my partner when we are having kids is going to be hard

[katxfish]

It is easy for me to shrug off the question when it's someone who I'm not relatively close to but when it's my own mother asking me when I'm going to have kids, I get so frustrated.

[Pepapig]

I’m 23 and single... and I get asked this A LOT!
I’m happy to have supportive parents that say “finish school, find a job and then see wht would you like to do next” otherwise, I would lose it...

[decemberblue]

I'm 22 and at this moment I've my mind set on not getting married anytime soon or having kids. I'm often told I'm just young and that's why I think the way I do. IT IS INFURIATING when I have this conversation with my friends and they say my mind will change. Pregnancy scares me. I literally cannot handle kids. And the idea of having a kid that looks like me creeps me out low-key. I don't know if I'll change my mind in the future cause life has different paths and who knows maybe in the future I might change my mind to devote the rest of my life in raising children but I wish people would respect my choices now and support me in achieving what I want to achieve at this moment..

[happyplatypus]

It's actually really refreshing to come here and see like minded people discussing this. Thank you for talking about and normalising this 🙌

[louisejohnson]

Also don't ask a woman if she's pregnant. This happened to me twice when I was on medication that caused me to gain weight, and most of it was in my belly area. Both times irritated and embarrassed me, so I automatically said, "No, I'm just fat." It's a very personal question, and one that's best not to ask.

[isabel]

My dream is to have a giant lizard with her own bedroom and no child is going to get in the way of that

[octavia]

In my family, it seems that there is no bigger achievement than having kids...

My degrees do not matter, in their eyes I will always be worth less than my cousins that have kids without even finishing high school.
It is extremely infuriating that the desire of further education is seen as a waste of time, because you must start having kids before 30!

As a woman I am constantly told that I must have kids otherwise I live for nothing.

[firawolf]

I get told all the time that oh I will change my mind or that you never know type of thing. Its so frustrating, I never want kids. I don't like children and I have horrible mental problems that I know would get worse and would affect any child if I were to have one. A awhile ago I thought oh maybe I would adopt but as I got older I realized I would be a horrible parent because of my own mental issues. I really don't understand why people always tell me that I will change my mind when I know I won't. I know that my own problems would harm any kid I would have and its not like its an easy fix. I believe a child should be in a loving home and personally I know I would never be able to do that. So hearing it always angers me as to me its like saying they're okay with a child being in a horrible home. I should never be a parent and I know that. I really don't get why its trying to be forced. Some people just shouldn't have kids and really shouldn't be parents.

[Olivia-qicp]

Always so glad to have a role model like you Cristine. Literally so refreshing to hear people talking about this topic in this way

[cainmaddym]

As someone who doesn't want kids, this question is so annoying! Especially since, in my experience, most people who ask it won't accept my answer. And I do feel for people who struggle with fertility or whatever it may be. It's an extremely personal and potentially sensitive subject, so just don't ask about it!