Medieval Slander

Another History Slander? YES~

Song name:
Hard Type Beat - Medieval Freestyle Trap Beat

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#slander #meme #history

[Trauson]

Imagine farmer with a Pitchfork going to the next war just because your lord said something nasty over a letter to the neightbors daughter.

[azravalencia]

Golden Horde trying to not ransack some city in Eastern Europe (Impossible Challenge)

[tqvlzrk]

You are missed "Biggest army in Europe" with 10 armored knights and 500 militia, lol

[Maurice]

I love how you can name a million ways why the Romans collapsed and about half that list is just themselves lol

[nool]

The funny thing is that the part about the pope isn’t even an exaggeration. In fact, if anything it’s underselling all the shenanigans that happened with the papacy during the medieval ages

[The_Humbugg]

“War crimes”? You mean trolling the peasantry?

[-Raylight]

Byzantine empires are truly living on W40K difficulty xD

[a.r.tivadar]

Old Frankish history be like:
- King Chlothar marries Ingund and has a son named Sigebert
- Ingund asks Chlothar for help finding a husband for her sister, Aregund. Chlothar decides that he shall be that husband
- Aregund gives birth to a son named Chilpheric
- they are brothers and cousins at the same time
- Chlothar dies and the sons/nephews each get a Frankish land to rule: Sigebert gets Austrasia and Chilpheric gets Neustria
- Fredegund, a servant to Audovera, the wife of Chilpheric, seduces Chilpheric and convinces him to dump Audovera and lock her in a covenant
- Sigebert marries the Visigoth princess Brunhilda, who is super rich
- Chilpheric says “good idea” and marries Brunhilda’s sister, Galswintha
- he loves her (for her dowry) and promises to give up all his mistresses (fails)
- Fredegund convinces Chilpheric to murder Galswintha and marry her instead
- Galswintha found strangled to death and Chilpheric “subtly” remarried right away
- Fredegund successfully gaslit gatekept girlbossed her way into being queen
- Brunhilda is reasonably pissed about her sister being murdered and convinces Sigebert to declare war against Chilpheric
- 40 years long feud commences between Neustria and Austrasia
- Sigebert dies and Brunhilda remarries Merovech, a son of Audovera and Chilpheric, who is technically her step-nephew
- Fredegund assassinates Audovera and all of Chilpheric’s kids that are not her own, and whoever else stands in her way
- later, Chilpheric is also assassinated by Fredegund during a hunting trip, and she convinces nobles to let their son, Chlothar II, take the throne
- she also at one point almost killed her own daughter, Rigund, after a petty argument
- Fredegund dies of natural causes after f*cking everybody’s sh*t up for 40+ years
- Chlothar II ends the war, captures 70 yo Brunhilda and brutally executes her
- Chlothar II marries Haldetrude and has a son named Dagobert
- some time later, Chlothar II remarries Sichilde and has a son named Charibert
- Sichilde’s sister, Gomentrude, is married for a while with Dagobert, her step-nephew
- they are brothers and uncle/nephew at the same time. Chlothar II’s son is also his brother-in-law
- Chlothar II dies, Dagobert and Charibert each getting a part of the Frankish kingdom to rule
- ah sh*t here we go again

[afinoxi]

The fact that the average Chinese army was larger than entire European alliances really is something

[TheologyChad]

Native Americans in North America be like: "you know what our civilization needs? More mounds"

[RbertRodriguez]

It's nice to see a good music test keeping these memes relatively fresh. i'm so tired of every slander meme using the same song

[maddogbasil]

Rome:
*" we are civilisation"*

China:
Some random warlord Casually sending 10% of the entire human species to die in small skirmish

[idsfxtm]

China : Having most bloodiest civil war
Also China : *Tis but a scratch*

[leogazebo]

The smallest army in China is half the human population at the time... What do they put on those rice?

[higofyp]

Old British History Be Like:

>Britons exist completely oblivious to the outside world
>65 AD, Romans come and absolutely wreck the mud-dwelling peasants
>Force Roman beliefs on them, everyone's speaking a weird Latin/British combo
>Roman Britons now slightly upset about this
>450 AD, Saxons and Anglos come and do the same
>Everyone's speaking an Anglo-Saxon/Latin/British combo
>The new Anglo-Roman Britons are moderately annoyed
>793 AD, Vikings come and do the same
>Everyone's speaking a Norse-Anglo-Latin-British combo
>The new Norse-Roman Anglo-Saxon Britons are not happy about this at all
>1066 AD, Normans come and do the same
>Language is changed to French for centuries
>The new Norse-Roman Norman Anglo-Saxon Britons are very angry and decide they want revenge
>1500 AD, the British Empire begins to form, 400 million people are Subjects of the Crown
>Everyone dislikes this

[necrosteel]

Peasants in the medieval times were not filthy, that meme is much more reflective of victorian era peasantry than anything.

[TexasSausage]

Ottoman History be like:
>Sultan Osbey gains power and land from centuries of nomadic warfare
>He abandons nomadic lifestyle for ??? Reason. he decides to set up inside castles instead
>newly conquered castles have beautiful foreign women, he no longer cares for Turkish women
>this insatiable desire leads the Sultan to the Balkans, Russia, and anywhere but east.
>Sultan Osbey has 28 sons with a harem of foreign women
>Sultan Osbey dies
>His son, Prince Furkan is now the Sultan
>Random Pasha doesn’t like Furkan, convinces 27 brothers to start massive civil war
>massive civil war
>Prince Osbey II wins the war, kills all brothers, vows not have so many children from different wives
>Has 30 sons from even more wives
>war
>Repeat for 500 years
>After 500 years, the Royal Family has no Turkic genes anymore
>Sultan Aptal wants to be a nomadic warrior again
>Decisive defeat
>Empire loses all lands

[MegaKnight]

We greatly underestimate the cleanliness of Medieval peoples. Welsh brushed their teeth so much, they were said to shine like ivory. Saints would choose to be dirty and sleep in bug infested beds to be unlike their peers.

[Ndles-wexv]

Mansa Musa trying to go anywhere without causing inflation (impossible challenge)

[BryanMinami]

being south east asian people during medieval is completely underated