How Do I Stay Present with My Family Members?

Sometimes we just want to run away when family drama ensues. To help us stay present when family members vie for our attention, Eckhart recommends inner-body awareness practice to help us root into the source of attention, avoid the trap of thinking and judging a situation, and shine the light of Being (rather than try to fight against unconsciousness).

When do you find you have a tendency to "lose yourself in the giving of attention" to family members, as Eckhart describes it? What helps you remain rooted in Being?

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[matthewscopelite]

I was working in a factory in my early 20's and feeling badly about it, then one day out of the blue I thought to myself, "focus on what you have instead of on what you don't have", and the cloud was lifted for a while, until I shared this pearl of wisdom with my mother who responded, "bah, I don't believe that!".

[nickyb]

I understand exactly. My mother left me when I was four years old. I accepted it. I still feel the same.
She was a human being. That’s what I learned. Not just a mother. But a person in herself.

[itsPOWOW]

Having compassion for your parents as you would any other person presenting their patterned fears and attitudes helps so much. Thankfully, I eventually learned how to do that years before my mum died - to see my mum as hampered by her own material which she hadn't either chosen to heal, or her conditioning made the options presented for healing unpalatable to her. I could hear and see her as a wonderful woman trapped by her past. I offered her my attention, my care and drew on my own knowledge that parents are not all-knowing Gods!! 😅 I also am a mother, I have times of presentness and rationality, and times, when triggered, when my patterns might play. It hurts to be judged for my patterns, for which I am not to blame. However, it is my responsibility to heal. And so it is for every generation, perhaps, to heal the multi-generational muddles and bring all into the light. With love to all and thanks to Eckhart. Kxxx

[CitrusSimon]

When they said she was going crazy, she was awakening.
When they said that she was isolating, she was healing.
When they said she was acting funny, she was growing.
When they said that she had changed, she was evolving.
When they said she did not care anymore, she finally realized that her peace lives within.

When they said he was becoming distant, he was learning to trust himself.
When they said he was losing touch, he was finding his inner voice.
When they said he was being stubborn, he was asserting his boundaries.
When they said he was aloof, he was finding solitude and serenity.
When they said he was being unrealistic, he was dreaming bigger.

[wongilank]

my takeaway on this is about setting expectation, seeking validation, and things that we think we can control but we can't - making others to understand our point. these will lead us to another cycle of suffering in ourselves. thank you again Eckhart for the reminder to stay present, mindful and be compassionate with ourselves, everyone, everything around us

[n.a.]

My mother is just like how you describe. I am comfortable having no communication with her. Peaceful

[slippery-out-there]

Took me a long time to stop worrying and feeling hurt about the things my mum used to say to me.

But now, I enjoy her and her qualities outweigh her faults…they always did…I just wasn’t seeing it. This seeing has given me back so much joy & love for her and myself. I think she feels loved and accepted. It’s been a revelation and feels easy to give & receive love

[veraintuizione]

These are the smartest, wise and true words about family relationships I have ever heard in my life.
Don't judge your parents, anyway they don't deserve it. Compassion saves the world❤
So grateful 💓🙏✨🌠 ✨🌺

[ClaireL]

I made some really big changes at 46 and oh my gosh I needed my mum more than ever. I have been so depressed and mum's cruelty to myself and my children really shocked us. Been really tough.

[maryp]

This advice helped me with my relationship ( lack there of)with my mother. She past away at 96.
Without this healing mindset, I would have never been able to go through this.I kept Eckhart’s teaching close to my heart before and after the visits.
I accepted her conditioning and suffered less in her criticisms. I let her go in compassion and acceptance. May they all rest in peace.

[kathybudd]

This was a fantastic session. I needed this right now. Such clarity.

[Memyself-gm]

My mother taught me a lot, still teaching me today. To stay present no matter what.
She was not a good mother, she still isn’t but I accept her the way she is.
What helped me was seeing that it had actually not come from her, it come from before her and before my grandmother. I can’t pin point when it started but it helped me realise that if I was to hate my mother for how I was raised or how she is, the cycle would just keep on going.

I always have to remember to stay out of my head when I’m around her or when she comes to mind.

[nobodysout]

Thank you Mother’s for bringing me into this world

[WisdomSpeaks]

Incredible Being with such soundful wisdom ☺

[muimui]

My son keeps telling me that I am a great mom . But listening to this video helps me reflect on my attitude towards my son . Some changes are definitely needed . Thanks for enlightening me !

[alanfrancis]

Well put. It doesn’t mean that you stay around narcissistic parents, siblings, people for too long. This is extremely wearing. You have to play this “game”, you can’t be your true self. All you are doing is acting. You are then yes being authentic but, not interacting, and you will really feel isolated. Occasional visits yes longer term no.
To interact with narcissistic types is useless. Remember they probe to get a reaction to feed their ego. The only way they know how to get food ( energy)

[songfantasy]

Great teaching! Sometimes it's necessary to go no contact with a parent because they will actually try and sabatoge aspects of your life to fulfill their projections of who you should be. Also, a parent can become physical, trying to make you fulfill their projections about who you "need" to be.

[Lichfeldian--Suttonian]

This is gold, Eckhart!
I love my mother dearly, she understands me as her son, but not so me as a grown man.
That doesn’t mean that I love her any less.
Certainly not!
Your note saying that my mother would hope that I should be “successful”, as in _financially_ successful, especially for any woman in my life, is exactly on point!
I have needed to learn that I don’t need my mother to understand me.
I accept my mother’s view of her world, but I disagree with her ideology for me.
Since I have moved on from that, I have lifted that burden that you indicate and have come to rest, that we can “agree to disagree”, and our relationship — which hasn’t been _that_ bad by the way — has got a better.
❤

[AB-C]

This is VERY relevant for me also.. Very similar situation with my parents. More my father, but affected relationship even more EXTREMELY than this person. Been trying to do as advised here tbh as we didn't speak for last 4 years until this year. Similar age as this person also. This must be more common than I thought..

[SilverCello]

I think my now 23 year relationship with my partner (wife) was "the straw that broke the camel's back". Disapproval and judgement was met on all sides from both siblings and parents. Yet the family must go on! (Despite the more apparent problems that were never truly recognized such as alcoholism and infidelity). What it came down to in the end was the limitations and limiting beliefs that existed in my parents and still exist in my siblings. It is sad. We don't talk to each other anymore--only recognizing our various birthdays. But through self study and listening to helpful people like Eckhart, I realize that I am who I am, and they are who they are--and that's just the way it's going to be.