The Power of Indifference

Indifference is a concept rooted in Stoicism. It refers to a state of mind where people aim to maintain a sense of inner peace regardless of external circumstances. This does not mean apathy or lack of concern, but a deliberate focus on what can be controlled and acceptance of what cannot be controlled.

This livestream looks at the concept of becoming indifferent, in the context of recovery from narcissistic abuse, and cross overs with the Grey Rock method. Looking also at finding a balance between caring about and caring for. Hope to see you then

[lindalarson]

Will I ever enjoy life again, someone asked. 18 years out from a pretty terrible marriage to a grandiose narcissist, I can say that it is a long road, but yes. I think for me, it was like pulling the pin on a grenade and tossing it into the middle of my own sad, but comfortable and predictable life. That is something many people don't have the courage to do, but I have no regrets. I only wish I had done it earlier and not wasted 15 years of my young life with him. Lots of therapy helps, support from healthy friends helps, exercise and positive routines helps, the love of pets and family helps. In other words, finding yourself again helps. You have lost that person in a narcissistic relationship and so figuring out who I wanted to be (not who my ex wanted me to be which had little to do with it) was job one. You sort of decide to march through the ruins of your shrapnel-torn world toward the light and eventually you will emerge, happy. You need courage, you need therapy, you need support and love to get there. I hope that you can find someone who deserves you and loves you back. But loving yourself is also enough. Thanks Darren for all your wonderful advice and counsel. I think you are helping a lot of people.

[kaystephens]

“I’m not doing what I was told.” Letting someone else control you. In a nutshell, you’re absolutely right. It’s really that simple and being sensitive to this behavior has to be the consequence of being raised by someone where you had to have their permission for everything. All these creature do is look for people who even look at them.

[shannonluck]

Off their radar, safest perhaps 🎉 Better just getting on with your life, bye your self without their toxicity... Not their business after all 🎉

[ST]

I’ve been practicing stoicism for the past year. I have to just see everything for what it is and stay in my lane, so to speak. Having just survived an awful mindf**k of a narcissist relationship, it’s been work to maintain emotional detachment and putting in sturdier boundaries. I’m doing it though.

[alenagoddess]

This topic somehow prompted me to think about tough love and how it was inflicted on me growing up. It seems similar to indifference. Maybe you can do a show regarding the two and differentiating between them not only between a parent and child but in a narcissistic relationship. Thanks

[KotobukiGirl]

I haven't finished this video yet. Watched the one from before this one on indifference. Indifference is what I wish/pray for! I'd love to not feel anything at all like I do for some of the other players involved. He's run a horrid smear campaign on me for a year and I still create new fantasies about him anyway: the latest one, he gets sober. He was a luscious gem when he was sober, but the fact is, I can't see how sobriety would cure his malignant cover narcissism. I haven't had enough experience with him to know. Unfortunately I'm still curious about him as I have to pass where he lives and usually know if he's home or not. I'm addicted to thinking about him and subconsciously I think I even still have hope! I can't stand that about myself. I'd love to be repulsed by him, but I'd certainly be more than satisfied with indifference.

[paulined]

I'm new here Darren as such, though subscribed a few years ago.... the live just appeared and I'm very grateful... really enjoyed your easy going approach a change and a comfort from what we are dealing with in real life. I'm a long way on the road to healing but different family situations can continue to make things difficult for many of us . I'll be tuning in from now on . Thank you

[dashathehorsegirl]

Thank you for your work. I am watching your videos again and again…. Even as MD, I am able to fine some new and something very important rewatching every video.
Thank you again, please continue your work, we as humans need you.

[IzabelaWaniek-ix]

Thank you for your help and support Darren. 😊 Indifference to the narcisist’s nonsense is a great place to be. That response :” Did you?” rings the bell. 🔔

[DominiqueRichardca]

Thank you from Montréal ✌

There is a sens of liberty to be able to discerne what you what to engage with, what you want to vibe to or not.
I tough i needed to adapte and engage to the bad vibes... But we dont.❤

[Anivasion]

Indifference feels like a reactive response to the memories of the abuse, where gray rock felt like my shield, as the abuse occured.

My perspective on the context, and what I felt as I listened to Monday's video, is that Indifference is a symptom of healing. That's definitely what it feels like.

I am incredibly grateful for these informative videos, giving me insight and awareness to progress I realize I had already made ❤

[SimoneJassmann-jrbl]

Grey rock rocks! Thanks again for info video

[deb]

Feeling Indifference For A Narc. Is Good !

[notagain]

I worked in a factory. We had a foreman who married one of the long time employees. Together, they enjoyed setting people against each other, and as you say, Darren, then sitting back and having fun watching the "fur fly." Only thing is, they didn't realize how many people knew exactly what they were up to. Some of us would scheme together to throw them curve balls. Or even instigate a scandal for them (which didn't exist.) I guess we all had a little fun, because the factory floor was so repetitive and boring. Some of us said, let's give them something to talk about at dinner when they get home. Their marriage must not have enough for them to go on. They need drama at work." I believe we were correct, but it was all so unfortunate that we couldn't just have been supportive friends instead of living in a cesspool of nonsense every work day!

[fairygurl]

Feeling Ok & Functioning Well Enough🤗

[Beanp]

I love how you frame it in the other video - not my circus, not my clown.😁 Would love to hear more suggested replies or appropriate reactions when faced with narcissistic drama, "Karen tantrums", bitchy provocations, with a hint of indifference, eg "Did you? " Many of us have lost our voices.

[DominiqueRichardca]

Good Luck with the présentation with Richard Grannon.

[symbolsandsystems]

social control: rewards and punishments - it's all outside of us

[ademozdemir]

I can't imagine it. How I missed this broadcast 🤦 nevertheless I can watch.

[TanyaKatherine]

There was this girl I cannot find anymore who did narc abuse videos and she had this one videocwhere she said to wear a bright crazy looking hat and it would bother the narcissist. I watched it in 2019. If grey rock is the opposite of that, I wonder why both extremes work?
Have you heard of doing something like that to ward off the bullies by wearing outrageous things? Growing up I did this subconsciously, sadly and the more I fit in, the more I was bullied.