3 key principles for great conversation | Emily Chamlee-Wright

There are 3 key principles that separate a good conversation from a great one — and they’ll completely change how you communicate.

Emily Chamlee-Wright discusses the principles of great conversations: humility, critical thinking, and sympathetic listening.

Humility, not just deference to expertise, involves recognizing the complexity of the world and our own limited perspectives, promoting openness to learning from others. Critical thinking, identifying gaps in logic and evidence, enriches discussions by fostering depth and analytical engagement. Sympathetic listening involves understanding others' viewpoints without immediate critique, encouraging empathy and respectful exploration.

By embracing these principles, conversations become spaces for mutual learning, enriched perspectives, and meaningful exchanges that bridge differing viewpoints.

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❍ About The Well ❍

Do we inhabit a multiverse? Do we have free will? What is love? Is evolution directional? There are no simple answers to life’s biggest questions, and that’s why they’re the questions occupying the world’s brightest minds.

So what do they think?

How is the power of science advancing understanding? How are philosophers and theologians tackling these fascinating questions?

Let’s dive into The Well.

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[The-Well]

Think back to the best conversations you've ever had. Why were they the best? Did they include any of the key three principles that Emily describes?

[heatguillen]

My grandfather used to say, "There is always something to learn from a king to a peasant, so always listen." That is what this reminds me of.

[layo]

Humility
Critical thinking
Sympathetic listen

[huili-]

I have a friend who I always share a great conversation with, and we both agree that the reasons why we always have such kind of conversations is bc of the same reasons listed above. We often talk about how difficult it is to converse with colleagues in our field. Like how often our thoughts and opinions get silenced or rejected, , it's sad, and I see no point in pursuing a productive discussion if all they want is to prove they're better at a topic. It's almost sad how a lot of ppl don't actually listen in a conversation, , they're all busy preparing a response to reject your views and prove they're right. It's disheartening how you're eager to share insights but they're busy proving a point that they're better or more knowledgeable.

[pawelkapica]

I come from a family where there were a lot of arguments and the need to be right and overpower the other person. I find myself struggling with sympathetic listening. Sometimes when I am aware, I can do it and it feels much nicer. Unfortunately, mostly I am trying to convince the other person of my point of view. Afterwards, I often feel ashamed of myself and my ego. Maybe there is an underlying lack of self-worth and that's why I need to be right. Anyway, your points helped, and I will try and stay more aware of my position and implement them.

[robertarvanitis]

Well said.
Perhaps another term for "sympathetic" might be "fault-tolerant."
In early days of the internet, Marc Andreessen describes the debate between between strict constructionists and educators. The former insisted on clear, well-formatted inquiries. The educators pushed for fault-tolerant syntax. Don't reject typos too readily; try to discern what the user was after. The educators were persuasive. That's why search engines today often say "Did you mean...?" If machines can do that, surely we can as well.

[samday]

Great points. Have the bravery (or humility) to listen and also the bravery to question yourself. We then learn more, and in doing so realise how much we didn’t know….and wonder how much we still don’t know.

[nunyabidness]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:

00:09 🧠 Great conversations leave us feeling smarter and deeply curious, fostering learning and understanding.
01:07 🙌 Humility is a fundamental design principle for great conversations, emphasizing a genuine openness to learning from others.
03:31 🤔 Great conversations integrate critical thinking and sympathetic listening, valuing understanding from the other person's perspective.

Made with HARPA AI

[wendy]

Oh my GOSH!! This is a skill that I really lack and haven't had a good way to describe in service of improving. It helped so much being able to share this with my son, husband, friends and go "Y'know- THAT! I want to learn to be better at that"

[christiepistone]

I've recently come to the conclusion that I dont have very great conversation skills. I really wanted to understand why this was and at the end of this video I realized I lack critical thinking skills when it comes to speaking and wording things properly. I often come off as silly because I panic and cant think straight. This video really helped me dissect that. Thanks so much !

[dolamyte]

To boil this video down to one sentence-
There are two kinds of people, those who seek information and those seeking affirmation.

[byrnesy]

Brilliant articulation of experimental and intellectual humility in a conversation

[Uncommonsenses]

Maybe it’s just a part of getting older, but it seems to me more people these days engage in conversation in order to ‘win’. And if they can’t convert you to validating their opinion, any disagreement you have is seen as evidence of a moral failing worthy of shunning.

I have beliefs that span the right/left cultural divide and I often find myself stumbling into conversation with self appointed culture warriors who have pre-salted the conversational playing field with mines that will trigger preprogrammed explosive responses.

I remember greatly enjoying spirited debates with people who challenged me. We could have a fundamental difference of opinion but still share mutual respect for each other. It was possible to accept that a person could have a different point of view while also being on equal moral and intellectual footing.

And we used to have fun. Humor these days seems to have devolved into petty zingers, sarcasm, cynicism, name calling and ad hominem attacks. Gone are the days of conversations that celebrated the beauty of word play as well as the beauty of ideas.

Or maybe I’ve become an overly opinionated old bastard. Tough to tell.

[julioreyram]

This is amazing, I love it. I also think it's very related to ultimate's frisbee 'spirit of the game'.

[surfcello]

What she says makes sense. But only in a narrow band of the whole spectrum of what a conversation can be. A conversation could be about maths or science, where things are either true or not, and there’s no room for opinion (except in what you consider interesting). Or it could be poetic, where you take joy purely from they way the other person uses language. Or it could be one of the many, many conversations that serve the purpose of building or maintaining a relationship, where it’s not really important what you’re talking about, whether you learn something or whether things are true or not; what’s important is how it makes you and the other feel, and that you strengthen the bond between yourselves.

[mattggonzz]

It’s been so long since I talked to someone who seemed genuinely interested in me. I’m beginning to feel worthless.

[KGchannel]

Great stuff! I think I'm going to share this in adult Sunday School.

[iankane]

Great video! Now if only people would apply this to YouTube comment sections.

[Bat_Boy]

Problem: Most people are sleep walking through life. They have a profound lack of self awareness, and have no motivation to change. I can’t have a “conversation” with my sister, who dominates, and bullies the conversation. She has zero interest in my point of view.

[thistest]

hhmmss 1:42 - 2:54 great communication skills distilling persuasion choice