Autism Disclosure - A Guide for Telling Others About Your Diagnosis

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I explore the topic of #disclosure and #autism, including how to disclose in dating, employment, education and more. Plus, I share my personal lived experiences as an #actuallyautistic person. #orionkelly #asd #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike

⏱ Index:
00:00 - Welcome
00:41 - Disclosure & autism
01:30 - Dating
06:43 - Family & friends
11:58 - Employment
20:08 - Education

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ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

#AutisticVoices #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Autism #OrionKelly #ThatAutisticGuy #ASD

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⛔️*Disclaimer: The videos contained on this channel are for general education and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. For professional advice and training seek assistance from a qualified provider. All views are my own and do not represent those of my employers or sponsors. Some images used are stock images.*⛔️

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[somethingfromnothing]

I found that when i told my manager at work about being autistic she just laughed at me and told me im not autistic and when i tried to talk to my parents about it they dismissed me being autistic because i dont have severe learning disibilities. So far the reality i’ve found is that the general public assumes all autistic people are basically “spastics” and “thick” and that those of us without learning disabilities are just making it up and exaggerating

[csebesta]

I got diagnosed today. I told my dad, and he said that he loves me no matter what and he never thought there was anything wrong with me. He said I was his first child and he didn’t know any different. He said he knew my sister and I acted differently growing up, but that we are different people and attributed it to that.

[michaelandrews]

I was diagnosed with autism late at the age of 47 which was about 9 years ago now. I was having trouble at work I became very ill and I guess I burned out. My employer at the time was the NHS. When I started working for the NHS they were aware of my sensory impairments and it was discussed at my pre-start interview with occupational health. I was given the flexibility required which enabled me to do my job. Everything was going very well. I even had a certificate for 100% attendance. I had successive changes of management without any problem. Then 9 years into my job, the longest I had ever been in a job, I had another change of management and they took away the flexibility that worked so well. I became very ill which resulted in me being off sick for 12 months. I was being bullied by the new management which made my illness worse. It was suspected then that I had autism. My GP put me forward for a diagnosis. She said that if I had an official diagnosis doors would open. I felt this was a turning point in my life and that for once, now I had this label, my life would get better. My GP repeatedly gave my managers advice on adjustments that I needed which were the same requirements that were agreed when I first started working for the NHS. My employers occupational health repeatedly advised my managers on the same approach but were ignored. All I wanted was support for my sensory impairments which they were aware of from the beginning. Autism is just a label. I was made redundant after 12 years service and I have not had a job since. There were no doors. Just brick walls and all because of a label.

[gonnfishy]

The first time i began living with someone i wasn’t in a close relationship with, who I understand to be neurotypical, i had “the discussion” and disclosed within a month. People usually read my ND traits without disclosure, but stating the exact truth is another thing.
I was stunned. My housemate listened to me, did not “comment” or change the way we interacted; he even kept to his own room and let me have a meltdown to myself; no gawking, freaking out, no phone camera or anything.
I’d pre-briefed him that meltdown and burnout happens; I’m just emerging from burnout now. But he has just not cared. Maybe he does not care, maybe he is sympathetic...
The experience of having an NT just “not go weird” about it is new and makes me feel less awkward.
So, it can happen- you might never expect, sometimes “ultra stable/normal people” CAN “get it”.
I think my pre-briefing strategy was really important.
Would this work with an employer? Sadly, they care. Asset or liability, that’s what the care is. 🌻

[BeastBishop]

I was diagnosed with a “learning disability” as a child in the 1980s. It was only when I started developing software for ABA therapy that the diagnoses hit home.

[gonnfishy]

Having attempted a few times to engage in “dating”, my experience is that it IS just a series of lies and facades that are presented to you; if you are liked for long enough, these lies and facades might be revealed, one by one, layer by layer... often this casual deceit itself is enough to resent or fear being close to the person, be disgusted; sometimes you might discover the person you began getting to know is someone very different from their “truer” self.
I will accept “companionship” only. Don’t really know what love is anyhow. Special interests are FAR MORE IMPORTANT

[atura]

As soon as I figured out I‘m autistic I told my boss. It improved my work relatiinship and I was able to improve our comunicatiion since I had a lot of trouble with that.

[apburner]

I just found your channel yesterday. And thank you. I watched the 20 autistic adult traits and checked off the majority. I am today working on finding a group that can check me. I have been married for 46 years and my wife is very supportive. I have had meltdowns at inopertune times and she has gotten me home. What a lovely person she is. Anyway thank you.

[Margate]

Thanks Orion, I’m newly diagnosed (finally!) and just about to disclose to my employer of many years, and your video has given me more confidence ❤️ Let’s see how their “non-biased culture” and “neurodiversity is a good thing” rhetoric goes in practice…

[isimonsez]

One thing I’ve found to be common among a lot of people on the spectrum, so many are initially misdiagnosed with other mental disorders and are diagnosed with ASD late in life

[amberdiane]

Being true to yourself enables you to surround yourself with people who truly love you for who you are. If people want to leave, let them. They will often come back after a while. Especially in dating. I’ve had someone text me a year after I disclosed. He had dumped me with a lie, because he was too scared to admit that it scared him that I’m autistic. He came back after a year and said that he doesn’t want to be lead by his own misconceptions. In the end it was his loss, because I moved on. I’ve also had a longterm relationship end because I got my diagnosis during it. He felt he was betrayed by me because I hid my autism for so long. If I didn’t get diagnosed I would have never realized that I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t love me. My parents also struggle the most with my diagnosis. All I can do is love myself. And try to provide myself with a life that positively contributes to my social, mental and physical wellbeing. I’m not responsible for other people’s opinions or actions towards me. All I can do is try to connect with other autistics and learn about myself and try to advocate for myself. It’s a full time job.

[naturalistmind]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's in the first grade and this hasn't been a problem for me because I'm aromantic and asexual the issue is usually with other people thinking I need a relationship.

[joannarigby]

This is a really useful video for me. I am 36 and self diagnosed as autistic. I have low care needs and that’s why I’ve not gone for an official diagnosis (also I can’t afford it 😢). My husband of 15 years knows I’m ‘quirky’ and ‘stubborn’ and socially awkward. I want to ‘come out’ as autistic to him, now I’ve finally realised that’s what it is. However im a little anxious to his reaction. I will have to educate him about autism, I know he has some misinformation about what it is (like most NT people I think) and I don’t want to feel misunderstood. It’s intimidating to tell him, as I feel I have to explain so much about what it is, and convince him that that’s what I am. As to disclosing it to anyone else…so far I don’t feel the need, but I do want to meet some autistic people who I can relate to and who will know about my diagnosis.
Anyway, I’ve rambled on for ages, basically I just wanted to thank you for all your content and information on this channel 🙏🏼

[buttercxpdraws]

10 seconds in 🤣 Yep, I dig your sense of humour 😂🤣

[martinhughes]

I have no problem disclosing, but I find that most people don't understand autism - they tell me "Oh I don't know what that is." It's worth disclosing if there's time to explain how being autistic might impact the present moment or situation.

[martinhughes]

I would always disclose to an employer during interview, because I've chosen to only go where I'm celebrated, not tolerated. Maybe a topic for discussion, but that's my preference.

[davidlanier]

Very good topic. I was diagnosed late in life three years ago. I'm also really not sure who I should tell about my ASD and ADHD. I've told a few friends that I'm autistic, they seem to handle it better than anyone in my family, but neither group really handles it well. A couple of my friends don't want to believe it. My family believes it but they also treat me like an idiot at times. I can't imagine telling anyone at work. My job would most likely find a way to get rid of me if they knew. Even someone from disability services at my university labeled me as mentally ill recently, which seems pretty pathetic if you think about it. Considering all that, and the fact that so called normal people always insist on us operating within their reality, I'm highly reluctant to tell anyone about myself now.

[brickellvoss]

I am so happy your videos exist. They explain things for me, but I'm happy its their for our younger people on the spectrum. I need someone like this in my life growing up. I wouldn't have been so confused and hopeless. I'm going great now, but I missed out on a childhood but that wasn't all because of my autism.

[whitneymason]

The last time I worked I didn't have a diagnosis so I've often thought about this for when both kids are in school and I return to the workforce.

I was married and had both my kids prior to my diagnosis. My husband, my family and my friends have all been really supportive since getting it and fir that I'm very grateful.

When we moved to our new house, which has shares walls with our neighbors, we did disclose our son's diagnosis with them. He has frequent, loud, and sometimes violent meltdowns. We've been very fortunate both neighbors are really understanding.

[ChristopherWoodwardcwd]

Discovered your channel this week as a result of some recent issues at my work. My team leader commented that I had been a bit rude in response to her answer on a certain query, I couldn't recall saying ANYTHING that could be considered rude and was taken aback to hear she was upset, so I told her I thought she was making a fuss about nothing. The higher manager the next day had a word with me about this, calling it a 'complaint' from her, my NATURAL REACTION was to be sighing, huffing and puffing at the news I had a complaint (because I CARE), he then commented on this saying this is 'not acceptable in a professional environment'.

Managers need to understand, that being told of a complaint can be devastating for someone autistic, especially when they cannot even understand how they could have upset someone simply because of something IMPLIED not said explicitly....and therefore need to accept that autistics likely WILL huff and puff and may have a meltdown on hearing such bad news, and NOT ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE by taking issue on your 'behavior' in reaction to hearing you're had a complaint or made a serious mistake.

Autism in the workplace is a big topic, and unfortunately not resources written by professionals only scratch the surface on generic issues and don't go deep into what does through an autistics mind in work situations.

Loving your work btw!