How Much Is Too Much? When Should You Give up Hope?

Samuel answers one of the most common questions by betrayed spouses: "When is enough, enough?"

- What kind of affair was it?

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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida

HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[christinapadilla]

Thank you for your videos. I have struggled with my husband's infidelities. I begged, spoon fed information to get him to want this relationship. I found your channel. I began listening to all the videos. I have decided its time to save me. Im laying down my sword and shield. Im done with the anger and bitterness. I need to save me.

[davidh.]

For all of us who are suffering betrayal and triggers, i am so sorry. I would like to send you a small ray of light and a second of peace.
You all have so much value. It is time to suffer, but you are going to make it.

[jessieu.]

The betrayal is too much. I still love him but I need to heal myself from all the toxicidity.

[ivettevelez]

I told my ex husband I would leave him if he cheated, and I did. I backed my word with my actions

[danielszambelan]

My wife had an affair and wouldn’t end it when I found out. We still live together for the kids until we can afford to go our own ways. Having to see her and know she is sleeping with someone else killed my soul. I finally got a job offer that will allow us to live apart but these last three months have been mental torture and we’ve talked about getting back together but I’m done my heart is closed off and I just want to move on.

[sharathnb]

I didn't need any reasons to stay with her. I just love her so much, I just can't live without both of us together. But I'm not able to take the visuals out of my head, those things she did when I thought we were so happy together. The healing process is the worst, painful time, I just hope this ends soon and we can get back to some normalcy. As of now, it seems like I lost the whole world and interest in everything that I used to enjoy.

Infidelity is the worst thing that can happen to relationship, no one should ever think of doing this

[saltyprimrose]

My cheating husband mocked me for watching your video. The mental abuse and bullying comes easy for him.

[derekcalkins]

Totally agree with the infidelity being one of the biggest punches in the face especially with kids and with a spouse who had the affair and wants to pursue that partner instead of save our marriage. But I am worth loving others and being loved even if some choose not reciprocate.

[ronaldstark]

I divorced. My XW would not admit anything. The evidence was irrefutable. Everyone knew, but she never stopped gaslighting and stonewalling. I offered to see if I could get over it, go to counseling etc. But, she would not stop the affair and would not cop to anything. So, I made my decision. It was hard but I am happier without her and have a good life now.

[victoryiswon]

He’s still seeing his ap.. he has taking to accusing me of cheating as well..I’m now starting to see that his relationship with her matters more to him then ours does. All I’ve become is a stabilizer to him.. there is no love there for me on his part..I’ve made up my mind that I cannot do this anymore. I can’t sleep anymore.. I cry more than I should... I think about this crap everyday.. I have nothing.. and it saddens me. I want better and I deserve better.

[eh]

Thank you for this video. Today I asked my husband to leave our home. It would be my hope that we could get help, but for now I will pursue new life. I’m scared, but will not allow my heart to continue to be broken. You do not give false hope in these videos and I appreciate that. Is affair recovery a place I should be seeking help from if there is no longer a marriage to save?

[Amaproracin]

I don’t feel anything any more.... I feel like I wake up in a nightmare everyday... I can even be around my kids cause all I think about is what she is doing! Right in front of my face!

[ApricotInnovation]

I'm glad to hear you mention the abuse aspect. So many unfaithful are also emotionally and verbally abusive, controlling and manipulative. How can I stay in this abuse with the new revelation of adultery?

[tmallensouza]

"You just need to read 1 Peter and submit to your husband"
"You just need to be quiet about it all"
"You just need to not speak from the pain in your heart"
"You just need to forgive him"
"You just need to have faith in God"
"You just need to fast for 14 days"
"You just need to fast 30 days"
"You just need to pray for him daily"
"You just need to change"
"You just need to be sexier"
"You just need to lose 20lbs"
"You just need to focus on how good he treats you and dont worry about what he does in secret"
"You just need to stop reconnaissance, its not your business what he does"
"You just need to remember King David"
((as if the unfaithful is also a God-fearing king )))
"You just need to leave"

how sadly inadequate we are at advising each other, even in the ministry.

[sueziezimmerman]

Please pray that Mike & I find our way back to our peace, joy, happy, & love through the learning, recovery & healing of wrong decisions.... my heart is so shattered.... 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[polskigirl]

The day I gave up was the day he told me the affair never would have happened if I hadn't of postponed my move to canada..we were so far in the swamp with problems...he did not want to get help..I did...nothing changed and I waited 2 yrs in a separation with the goal of came it lasted 6 months and he finally said it was my fault for his adultery...that was my ahaa moment..I won't stay in a marriage and have bitterness consume me I would rather leave the marriage and be alone the rest of my life...as I have looked at all the evidence I can clearly see my soon to be ex has narcissistic tendencies....I got schooled in all the traits and Wow! I thought this is what I am dealing with! Everything became crystal clear. A classic borderline personality disorder....and he hides it from all of his friends....you know the don't know what goes on behind closed doors....

[cewilliamsable]

I broke my neck and had to have emergency surgery in 2020 to restore function, with a year and a half recovery and still need a second surgery to decompress my nerves.

During my healing from the first surgery my wife decided to keep going out to bars and the gym, claiming it was a group, when it wasn't. She was also lying about who she's was at the gym with, has missing time, hotel stays and a bunch of lies that culminated in a, as she says, "rumor" about her sleeping with people at her job.

All this at a time when I was dealing with suicidal ideation from the medication. 2 suicide attempts later, I had internal bleeding, which only recently stopped this past September. Now I'm trying to move forward with the 2nd spine surgery, but don't trust my wife enough to go back through another recovery period. Her leaving me with 4 small kids, fresh out of a surgery to restore function to my arms, while you run the streets is a lot. And her rumor on top of it all is too much.

I feel betrayed, the trust is gone and I don't think we are going to be able to come back from this. But at the same time, I'm stuck at home in need of another surgery and she just ignores it and acts like she didnt do anything. Then gets upset with me because I'm not in a cheerful mood.

Walls and barriers are going up fast. Now I have lots of triggers and because I never healed from the mental health issues caused by the meds... all that anger, mistrust, need for self deletion, trauma is all being attributed to her regardless if it's her fault or not. It's to the point where her presence causes me more physical pain due to the stress of it all. And I do mean physical pain... my health condition requires me to live a low stress life otherwise 3/4ths of my body will burn all day.

The gaslighting, lies and avoidance is killing the marriage. I wanted to leave many times over while she was "out", But my 9 y/o daughter asked me to stay and I couldn't say no to her. I couldn't break her heart like her mother did mine. She still tries to claim innocence, because she hasn't been fully caught because she deleted everything.

[bethanyharrington]

I have been watching these videos this morning. Thank you for sharing ❤️ I have been divorced for 8 years. I have also struggled for 8 years. My husband left me for a much younger girl. Many events were taking place at the time. My mother had passed away a few years prior, my father was dying from multiple myeloma. My daughter was flown 3 months prior to my fathers passing my other daughter had her appendix out one week prior to my fathers passing. I was going from hospital to hospital and going to work. My husband started drinking. He is still with her to this day. My nightmares started a couple of nights ago again. We did not ever have closure. Sometimes, more often than not, suicide crosses my mind. I stay a lot in prayer. I do a lot of mind work but the whole marter ... thing. It’s not a marter . It is a constant trying to heal.

[tiffanyglaspie]

I’m there! 2 years I went through him lying knowing I shouldn’t trust him. I had an awakening after being stuck…….he’s sick, and not my husband anymore. His sickness healed me and my own sickness…..abandonment issues. I got the best out of him and pray god heals him but I’m moving on. He’s to emotionally immature and it almost killed me. I tried to grow with him……he would rather go back. He woke up one day and the midlife crisis took a man with narcissistic tendencies and turned him full blown. I’m sad for him……

[SouthernBelleReviews]

No remorse or empathy.... Indifference... That's when. But having kids... You're right. That changes everything. He abandoned us all but I fight so hard so our family can still be as normal as possible... Even though he doesn't even want it... Our sons don't deserve to hurt like this.

Oh god I've become a martyr.