A Divorce Lawyer On Everything You Should Know Before Getting Married

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[bobbert]

"You can't have two spouses living under the same roof, but in different socioeconomic classes." Amen. That's why my mom finally divorced my dad after 30 years of marriage. Another thirty years later, and they remain friends, but this was the issue that split them.

[rachaelangelina]

Even if the marriage is good, there still could be deficits in knowledge on where the money is. My father passed away suddenly, and it was a huge stress for my mom to figure out where everything was. It wasn’t nefarious, my mom trusted my dad to take care of the finances, and that was that for her. She feels differently now, being open with my sister and I on where everything is, as well as encouraging us to do that with our partners.

[Rashad]

Great conversation.

My wife and I are coming up on 19 years of marriage. I’ve always made between 55-100% of the income. I currently make around 63%. However, we operate with the one-pot method. We do not divide finances. Married couples share everything else, why not share finances? Regardless how much more I’ve made throughout the years, all retirement contributions are equal. We’ve always done $6000/year each for our Roth IRAs. We do $23, 000 each for our 403(b). My pension is the only account where I have more money because it’s a percentage of the income.

We each have a blow account. I get $250/mo and she gets $500.

Worst case scenario, we get a divorce. We can each walk away with equal amounts and not have to worry about fighting for money.

I know it’s not that easy for everyone when it comes to finances. I’m thankful that it works for us.

[sommertothill]

Our culture spends endless energy convincing women they're incomplete without marriage, and zero energy educating them about the economic ramifications and risks they face.

And that should tell you everything you need to know about who benefits from hetero marriage.

[AbigailArwen]

If you do not draft a prenup, one will be assigned to you. We'll call that one 'the law'.

[doomedwit]

I say every couple should talk through a full prenup. They don't have to sign it. But proving you can have the conversation is a good litmus test for a marriage.

[doomedwit]

Good interview, only a few nitpicks.
Really liked that he talked about the sacrifices of a stay at home parent. Many people overlook that when you stay home with the kids for 10 years you do not give up 10 years of earnings in your 20s and 30s. You give up 10 years of promotions, and your highest earning years in your 50s.
Although I'd like to see you interview a ground pounder who handles anyone who can come up with a $5000 retainer. This guy started with wealthy clients and stayed there, it sounds like.

"Share the pain" cases are rough. If you've been married for 20 years, have little savings, and now your housing expenses are going to double, you're both going to suffer financial insecurity. And the financial dynamics are interesting when you're talking about sub $100k households.

[veronicathornton]

It was wonderful hearing this gentleman speak so intelligently on this subject. As a mental health therapist who works with ppl divorcing, I hope these discussions can be heard by ppl like him in more communities that try to push marriage without proper education on the ramifications of it to all parties.

[carpediem]

I'm going to reply up top to commentary below about this prenup discussion being "classist":

Two partners could NOT afford to sit down and have a conversation about their financial expectations and requirements for marriage?

Those partners could not afford to write those agreements on paper and sign them?

The partners could not afford to have that contract notarized???

As has been stated already in this thread, ALL marriages have a default prenup: the LAW.

And the law in your country, state/province, city/town may or may NOT favor you.

In the same way people are participating in this youtube thread FOR FREE, people could do online or library esearch on designing a prenup FOR FREE.

I am hardcore working class, and I do not understand saying "I am too poor for a prenup, but I can afford to get married."

[edupunknoob]

Instead of planning for a divorce before we’re married, I see a prenup as one more way to take care of my future spouse.

[arianemassita]

I'm so grateful that I've find this in my early 20's.

[vida]

I appreciate that you did another one of these divorce lawyer videos, so interesting!

[welstherd]

My wedding is this weekend 🎉 We spent $35k on the wedding. No regrets. We're not in debt, and I'm excited to giving back and celebrate our family & friends!! My tips:

- Save up. Didn't go into debt duh.
- Plan for a cheaper wedding than you can afford... you will spend more especially due to inflation 💸
- Cheap out on the extra parties or eliminate them. Our rehearsal dinner was pizza and we didn't have an engagement party.
- DIY & FB Marketplace as much as possible. We will make our wedding cake. $50 instead of $600.
- Take advantage of talented friends for DJs, bakers, artists, planners, officiants, hair stylists, and other vendors.

[Just_CoJo]

Spent $25k on our wedding and I have zero regrets about it. We had a two year engagement, purposefully, so we could pay for our wedding in cash. We have a lawyer friend who did our prenup for us as a wedding gift. It was important to both of us that the assets we brought into the marriage are protected if the marriage ends. We both make the same amount of money, so it made sense for us to both feel protected financially.

[nicoles]

I could not imagine not knowing my partner's finances. We had been together 8-9 years before marriage and already had a couple of joint accounts, reviewed all of our accounts together once a year or so, contributed the same percent to each bucket, etc. Yes, it's "boring and unsexy" to talk about but I feel like having to tiptoe around financial conversations is a lot worse.

[carpediem]

Even in the case of an accident or an acute, catastrophic illness,

both spouses have to know where all the money is.

To not be able to access money and financial records because one spouse is in a coma

would be terrifying.

[PeggyTheGhost]

The tradition of the bride’s father walking her down the aisle used to literally be called, “Giving the bride away.” That should tell us all we need to know.

[rachelm]

Really great interview. I love hearing lawyers speak on issues, because they give a very level, reasonable perspective of emotionally charged topics. Would love to hear him on your show again.

[ck]

Great interview!

Love the idea of calling in couples counseling, if one partner finds it necessary.
Also could apply if you're in a relationship without marriage.

And the thought that you can't be in different classes while married. Had not thought about it that way.

[fabdb]

"Customising your marriage contract, " I love that!