The male identity crisis | Fraser Smith | TEDxGlasgow

TEDxGlasgow 2019 Principal Partner #SCOTLANDISNOW'

When you hear the expression ‘man up’, what does it make you think?
Is it about being tougher? More dominant? Or putting on a brave face?
There’s continued pressure on men to live up to a masculine ideal portrayed by the entertainment industry and on social media. In response, new initiatives call for men to acknowledge their vulnerabilities and ask for help, rather than play the hero. On the flip side, other social movements stigmatise men as being wired for aggressive and predatory behaviour.
Male identity is at a crisis point.
How can men find a sense of themselves amongst such narrow and conflicting ideas of masculinity? And what impact is the male identity crisis having on men’s mental health?
Psychological counsellor, Fraser Smith, shares his research into the impact of male identity and makes a heartfelt case for us to adopt a new way of thinking about what it means to be a man in 2019.
Get Psyched

Fraser is a counselling psychology doctoral trainee at Glasgow Caledonian University. He works as a psychological counsellor at First Psychology and is the Creator of GetPsyched, an online psychology learning platform where content on psychology, mental health and therapy is developed and facilitated.

His main passion within mental health is men’s mental health and he
has developed an understanding of the mechanisms that create barriers to the development of positive mental health in men, as well as the challenges that men have in accessing therapy.

[rajakren]

I broke down and cried throughout the video. To all the males out there, please stay strong. If you're struggling, please just reach out to someone.

[GetPsyched]

Hi all, this is Fraser here. I realised there are a lot of thoughts and questions about my talk. So I would like to invite you to ask them here and I'll respond. Thanks again for watching and engaging.

[Wiggygretagail]

Well done Fraser, so true, there is much needed support for men in crisis and to prevent these crisis states

[emmamackt]

Honestly feel like this is one of the best Tedtalks out there.

[GreebusBleeb]

Every single point is spot on, and I like how you don't go for the easy answers of antifeminism or economic issues

[Lichfeldian--Suttonian]

“It’s no longer enough to increase the options for men to seek therapy, it’s no longer enough to encourage men to talk, it’s no longer enough to simply state that toxic masculine principle should no longer be a barrier: we have to change the conversation”. Brilliant!

[EmptyHouseGuy]

This guy accurately identifies some serious problems, but his solutions are misguided. You can't fix male mental health by trying to adjust everyone's social norms, or by embracing social norms ; he paradoxically makes both arguments. Therapy is, at best, treatment for a problem without solving the root cause.

Real solutions include things like :
Fathers in the home.
Radical changes to the structure of the education system so it rewards male modes of achievement.

When society abandoned these things, outcomes for boys plummeted. An army of therapists won't solve this problem.

[kenyanish]

I knew this guy personally, he was always a stand up guy!

[Lichfeldian--Suttonian]

This is EXACTLY and TOTALLY why I am with the Man Gang, a men's mental health support group!
I am so glad this is all coming out This is real, not pretence.
It's high time men were not told by culture/society that we should have a high status and calibre because it IS truly killing us!

[lklxjey]

I am a man, I grew up with only a mother and grandmother for most of my life. Because of familie reasons I had to be a sort of familie therapist and became really sensitive to other peoples emotions to "serfive". I also have ADD which makes me have bigger emotional swings then other people around me and I am just now starting to notice how that has effected my mental state. I was partly trying to chase the ideal of being strong, while not trying to be weak, and be open for everyone else. I only now notice, what this has ment for me and my identity. I felt left out a lot, because I was to hard sometimes, to soft other times. I completely lost myself and thought of suicide for a little while (never had plans, and for those who think of this, stay strong, you will get through this!).

I felt like I was an Alien, build differently then everyone else, male or female. But I can now confidently say that I am a man, I am strong, competitive and want to feel powerfull, I am also weak, forgetfull and emotional. I am now on the road to piecing together who I am, I know I am a man, and very happy to say that. However, I can be both the stereo typical and non stereotipical version of what that traditionally means, and all of that is okay.

For everyone out there, stay strong, in every way of the word. Ask for help when you have to, and go solo when you if that is the right path for you, but if you are down in a pit, reaching out to people around you can be a live saving experience!

[flavio]

Honestly, I never felt that I couldn't cry. I only, sometimes, don't want to, even if I feel like it.

[markrichards]

The fact that some other people are uncomfortable with me doesn't mean that I'm having an identity crisis. If you aren't comfortable with me, maybe that's your problem.

[ices]

In other words as a man you are saying "STOP putting me in an impossible position where I can't be superman ALL THE TIME...let me be ME and love me enough to accept me AS I AM."

[adventuresofwillandshelby]

As I contemplate my own way out...
This is truth I won’t speak

[bowmanmccullough]

This is a phenomenal message, thank you Fraser for articulating this so well,

[theotherway]

Thanks. Another good resource is the mindfulness book "30 Days to Discover Who I Am" by Harper Daniels. It's online.

[signorriccio]

4 seconds in and his accent is brilliant, I love it.

[hmhgjyt]

I knew that Stifler would undergo a subtle transformation from the party guy to a Dostoewski-like deep thinker.

[JoshuaAHolmes]

Its a misconception that individuals need to be a certain type of person. It's more a borderline/bipolar thinking when we live our lives judging men or women about who they should be. The real question is who is judging who. When we judge others, we are living in a fantasy that was provided to us by care givers who were not mentally well. We need to remember that we are all individuals with our own minds, bodies and emotions. Men who believe they need to be strong and dominantating is a mental illness. We still see young males running around the cities, causing issues, being loud and obnoxious and being angry when they do not get what they want. This is about accepting that we may have been living an fantasy that doesn't exist. A fantasy that is on an individuals basis. If you believe that you need to be dominantating and controlling to hitch a woman, that is an unhealthy coping strategy that doesn't exist. Men need to be individuals and learn to control anger and remember that they have a choice. We all do.

[pollon]

i never liked the kam thing, ofc i knew it was a joke and i didnt get pressed- and ofc as a woman when they revolted with raw which is genuinely messed up but can we seriously stop labeling all man as this horrible person. Ofc they still exist and i get affected by those types of men but they're also human you know. Seriously its helping no one dividing the genders more.