Male inequality, explained by an expert | Richard Reeves

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Modern males are struggling. Author Richard Reeves outlines the three major issues boys and men face and shares possible solutions.

Boys and men are falling behind. This might seem surprising to some people, and maybe ridiculous to others, considering that discussions on gender disparities tend to focus on the structural challenges faced by girls and women, not boys and men.

But long-term data reveal a clear and alarming trend: In recent decades, American men have been faring increasingly worse in many areas of life, including education, workforce participation, skill acquisition, wages, and fatherhood.

Gender politics is often framed as a zero-sum game: Any effort to help men takes away from women. But in his 2022 book Of Boys and Men, journalist and Brookings Institution scholar Richard V. Reeves argues that the structural problems contributing to male malaise affect everybody, and that shying away from these tough conversations is not a productive path forward.

0:00
1:35 Men in education
7:26 *Class matters
7:53 Men in the workforce
10:54 Men in the family
13:00 Deaths of despair

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About Richard Reeves:
Richard V. Reeves is a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, where he directs the Future of the Middle Class Initiative and co-directs the Center on Children and Families. His Brookings research focuses on the middle class, inequality and social mobility.

Richard writes for a wide range of publications, including the New York Times, Guardian, National Affairs, The Atlantic, Democracy Journal, and Wall Street Journal. He is the author of Dream Hoarders (Brookings Institution Press, 2017), and John Stuart Mill – Victorian Firebrand (Atlantic Books, 2007), an intellectual biography of the British liberal philosopher and politician.

Dream Hoarders was named a Book of the Year by The Economist, a Political Book of the Year by The Observer, and was shortlisted for the Goddard Riverside Stephan Russo Book Prize for Social Justice. In September 2017, Politico magazine named Richard one of the top 50 thinkers in the U.S. for his work on class and inequality.

A Brit-American, Richard was director of strategy to the UK’s Deputy Prime Minister from 2010 to 2012. Other previous roles include director of Demos, the London-based political think-tank; social affairs editor of the Observer; principal policy advisor to the Minister for Welfare Reform, and research fellow at the Institute for Public Policy Research. Richard is also a former European Business Speaker of the Year and has a BA from Oxford University and a PhD from Warwick University.

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Read more of our stories on male inequality:
Toxic masculinity is a harmful myth. Society is in denial about the problems of boys and men.
The understated affection of fathers
Why are sitcom dads still so inept?

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I remember being homeless at 17, having finally been old enough to leave my abusive home but still working my job at the coffee house. No one knew I was homeless except the cops that harassed me, ticketing me over and over for sleeping in my car, eating up my paychecks with fines until I couldn't pay anymore, at which point they put you on probation and draw out even more fines.

Zero criminal record, drug-free, holding down a job, and just trying to make ends meet... It didn't matter. I was trash to be chased down by the cops. There was no help for young men. Only women's shelters. Only women's assistance. Only women's free college, etc. Your pride and sense of masculinity keeps you waiting to ask for help until you're so hungry, you can feel it up your stomach and in your throat. Then you finally seek assistance and everyone looks at you in disgust because hey, you're a man in the patriarchy right? How dare you ask for help! Then you stew in your emotions, having traded what little bit of self-respect you have left for nothing more than a horrifying reinforcement of what you already feared; you're worthless not just to the people in your life but to society as a whole.

It wasn't until my probation officer came to arrest me for not showing up and found me half dead in a hospital bed with blood clots and walking pneumonia from sleeping in my car that someone took pity on me and got me out of the never ending spiral of fines for just trying to live my life. Even then, that was only after the officer tried to drag me out of bed and caused a scene with the doctors and nurses. Again, I had zero criminal record (beyond tickets for being homeless), was drug-free, and was working full time. I wasn't a leech or a danger. I was a young man on his own trying to get by and that seemed to be unacceptable for whatever reason. Thank god I made it out. A lot of young men never do.

mattimeo
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The number of male therapists decreasing while the number of men needing therapy increases is worrying to think about.

frogery
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"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth." - African proverb

Redneck_Technophile
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I am a woman, and I’d like ALL the men reading this to know… YOU MATTER! I know constantly hearing the opposite doesn’t make it easy on you. Please don’t let the LOUD minority on social media trick you into believing you are worthless. Get out of the house and do things you enjoy, you will be amazed by the connections you form. If nobody has ever said this to you, I will - Thank you for every contribution you have ever made to your community and whatever future contributions you will make. Don’t stay down for too long. You are needed here! ❤

Mimi-kkgu
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We can foster a better model of masculinity without diminishing the undeniable gains of feminism. We all do better when we all do better.

bcfortenberry
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As a "younger" male person who graduated high school relatively recently, I can't tell you how much I appreciated my male teachers (shop teachers, and one english teacher). They taught me a lot about being a man by just acting as a role model around the classroom and showing how to properly deal with stressful situations and what not.

safety_sid
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What is more frustrating is people even refusing to talk about this idea of male issues because "They are ahead"

tarkov
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I believe the reason I am very passionate as a woman to talk about prejudices and literal discrimination against men comes from the fact that in between my father and my mother, it was my father that remained patient with me, encouraged me into education, taught me job experience, and gave me life advice. My father, the man that reflected how men are to me as a whole, was very kind and calm. However, because my mother had mental issues and consistenly sparked and screamed at any inconvenience, especially an inconvenience that my poor father made, it was also most easiest for me to connect with my father out of fear of my mother. I have seen my mother verbally attack my father and degrade him, and he takes it with silence and submission. It was my mother that eventually left for a long while, not my father, even though it was he who was being wronged here. He kept strong for our family, and made me smile, and taught me everything important I need to know. I do love my mother, but I wish she had gotten therapy, because no man should have to be told to "shut up and listen to the wife" because "she had all your children, goes though periods, menopause, etc."

I think women are always given an excuse to abuse their husbands because of just that. I see so many videos where women are constantly reprimanding their poor misunderstood husbands online, and people just willy nilly go at these men without knowing the actual situation. I have seen the actual situation, and a lot of these women that publically shame their husbands are not talking about the whole story that goes on. People ignore the fact that women abuse their husbands because society thinks they apparently have the right to. You give birth to three kids, have a period every month, and go through menopause, and suddenly it's completely normal to abuse your husband because all that lovely womanly things messes with your hormones and, oh, you had it hard, so you can scream and hit all you want. It's your husband that has to understand. Hell no. Your husband is still human, and he can't always be expected to keep up with a wife that is constantly screaming at him. You don't get an excuse to degrade your husband because you're "on your period" or something like that. Guess what? I'm a woman, too, and I get periods and I get hormonal, but I never use that as an excuse to harm someone, I'll never harm someone in general. If I feel like I need to harm someone, I'd seek help, because that becomes a mental issue at this point. We should encourage women to go to therapy for these issues instead of telling the men to "get over it" and be treated as a punching bag. In that case, maybe my mother wouldn't automatically assume it was right to hurt my father like this and would actually go to her doctor for once. It's my fear that I would be like her, and I have started to protect my father now that I'm older.

Therefore, seeing the implications of wrongful doings to men in my own home, I think it hits hard personally to see other men being left completely unjustifed. It makes me incredibly indignant because I have already seen it with my father, and I know what it looks like behind the scenes between a relationship between an abusive woman and a man, and the bias that goes towards the women.

whyllowfilms
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I'm a male teacher, in middle school. At the start of my career I interviewed for 12-15 elementary school positions, and was rejected by every single one of them. I earnestly tried to teach elementary, but I just couldn't get in. I was just starting out, so one could argue that my inexperience cost me. But once I started interviewing for middle school positions, multiple schools promptly offered me a spot. I truly do believe my being male played a role in this.

staringatthesun
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One major issue with men in teaching professions, particularly around young children is the stigma around it. As a man, you can't get too friendly around children or you risk being branded a pedophile. I've seen this with my mother. We had a very nice old guy who loved children who worked at the cross walk. One day he saw that my sister's backpack was all beaten up and falling apart so he offered to help get her a new one. My mom immediately assumed ill intentions and called the school to get him fired.

Imagine if we replaced that nice old man with a nice old lady. My mother, and most other parents would be singing her priases about how she went above and beyond with a single act of kindness.

It's sad really. Personally, I go out of my way to avoid children. I refuse to work in any job that puts me around children, because once you have that label on you, you're screwed. I reckon it's the same for other men as well.

kumamarru
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10 years ago, I knew the issue was there, but when I said something, i was instantly attacked and labeled a villain. It really is shitty.

ambrotose
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I’m noticing a lot of young men who feel their lives are already over, even younger than 20. I want to say that their lives are only just beginning - but being a man is a real challenge in this world. I hope it works out for them… for all of us

badbeardbill
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It's refreshing to hear someone intelligent speak on male issues without discarding the inequality faced by women. I want an equal society for everyone.

Kwashior
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As a young black man I am glad to see this topic being discussed in this way.

I lost my little brother to suicide about 5 years ago and one thing that was evident is that he felt strangled by the pressures of society at just 16.

More discussions need to be had about what it means to be a man in this time. It is tough trying to be an upstanding man when the level of expectation is unrealistic and does not match the reality of roles and responsibilities being played out in society.

It is also tough to prosper as a man when major industries that promote sedentary behavior (gaming and television) and illegal drugs are exploiting media outlets to numb men into a malaise.

I don’t have the answers, but the fact that this dialogue is beginning is a good sign.

carlhinx
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It's not feminism working towards equality that's the issue.. it's the fact that society has nothing to replace outdated models with. That's what we need to work on.

KaylieRobinson
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The criminal justice system treats women very leniently compared to men.

For example, there were two sentences handed down just a couple of months apart in the UK in 2016:

Man contacted someone he thought was a 13 year old girl online, groomed her, made arrangements to meet her for sex. He was arrested on his way to the meet: there was no girl, it was a police sting to catch pedophiles. Found guilty, sentenced to 6 years for the one unsuccessful attempt. Oh, and he was deaf.
Two sisters sexually abused a boy for 14 years, from age 6 to age 20. They were prosecuted, found guilty, judge gave them zero jail time. Not a single day of prison for 14 years of sexual abuse. The reason? The two sisters are both deaf, and since the women's prison does not have facilities for deaf inmates, sending them to jail "would cause them hardship".
This is just one example of many. The newspapers are filled with stories of women facing little or no punishment for crimes, including violent crimes, that would see a man jailed for years.

On average, men receive sentences that are 63% longer than those given to women with similar criminal histories, for the same crimes:

Why feminists need to discuss gender disparity in the criminal justice system

Study finds large gender disparities in federal criminal cases

Gender differentiation in criminal court outcomes

[There is also a racial sentencing gap, but it's only 10%. In other words, the disparity between men and women is more than 6 times higher than the disparity between blacks and whites.]

Also, the lenient treatment of women extends far beyond length of sentence, they are greatly advantaged at every step in the process. Women:

are more likely to get bail after being arrested
are less likely to be convicted
are less likely to be given a custodial sentence
are given shorter sentences for the same crimes
serve a smaller percentage of their sentence before being released on parole
…and it goes on.

This UK analysis estimates the total combined effect of all these factors:

Analysis of gender bias in sentencing data

Conclusion: if men were treated as leniently as women by the criminal justice system, there would be about 83% fewer men in prison today.

That’s an absolutely massive difference, pointing to a huge bias against men and in favour of women within the criminal justice system.

The short and quick answer is they shouldn't.

Here is the longer answer.

Marriage doesn't advance or establish an already healthy relationship between two people. The only thing marriage does for a man is make him susceptible and vulnerable to a woman who probably already has her future planned without him.

About 50% of marriages end in divorce and more than 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Women know that the system is skewed in their favor and they seek out marriage because they know they can't lose anything and can only gain whether the marriage succeeds or fails.

If your a single man in need of advice, here it is; she will probably still love you, live with you, have a life with you, have children with you and do all the other things with you that a married couples do EVEN IF YOU DONT MARRY HER. If you treat her right and she treats you right and you both actually love each other then signing or not signing a legal document (marriage) sould be irrelevant for both of you.

If she will not stay with you because you won't sign that legal document (marriage) this your cue that she doesn't really love you in the first place, she obviously has future plans, and YOUR certainly NOT in them. Check the statistics.

But after you say "I do" she is in prime position to legally steal half of your belongings, a third or more of your income, your children, half or more of your savings/retirement, your home, business, etc...

I know some people, mostly feminists, would tell you that this line of thinking is outdated, that women and men usually fare equally in modern divorces but trust me, that is a lie. If you're a male, you will lose and you will lose BIG in a divorce.

I bet you're thinking “but she and I are TRULY in love, we are for real.” But listen, if you and her both believe in love, if you both respect each other and SERIOUSLY want to be with each other, PROVE it to each other and DONT get married. There shouldnt be anything to lose for either of you by doing this if your love is real.

If you're a man you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to lose by doing this but you're putting EVERYTHING on the line by getting married.

Trust love, not marriage

However, the court system strongly favors women in two areas. In criminal cases, women are given far shorter sentences than men, even with similar offenses and previous criminal records: Michigan Law study. This is true at all stages of the process, with better plea bargains, better likelihood of being offered alternative sentences to avoid jail time, and reduced sentencing if sentenced by a court.

(As the study points out, this is not necessarily an argument to sentence women more harshly, but perhaps a call to find better alternatives to lengthy periods of incarceration for crimes committed by anyone.)

The other area where women are massively favored is by the family court system. Often, there, women can accuse most anything, and are essentially believed even without corroborating evidence. Women are awarded child custody in an overwhelming majority of cases (including if one examines only contested cases, since it used to be a common argument that "dads just don't want the kids"), and are often granted draconian measures like restraining orders on nothing more than an accusation. They also are often granted tremendous proportions of an ex's income, to the extent sometimes of even being over half.

So, in all cases, all the time? No. But if you're in family court or criminal court, your odds of a favorable outcome are a lot better if you are a woman.

I was married the first time in 1982 at the age of 19. I know… WAY too young. We were married just shy of 16 years and had two children ages 2 and 12. When I moved out I was alienated from my children. The first time I went to pick them up, I was told I could only have them on Sunday for four hours. I was told “you can see your children when I find out how much money I get”.

North Carolina at the time did not have what was called a “legal separation”. You could come to a financial agreement. Waiting for this to pan out, I was paying every bill in her house, plus giving her $800 per month spending money. She went to the bank and cleared out about $25K in savings and she had about a $40K retirement account of which she had moved elsewhere. All I wanted was to see my children and assure them I was not walking out of their lives as they had been told.

She had gotten her home building license and was building houses in her dad’s name and under his credit. She claimed she could not work because she had to stay home and take care of the kids. My attorney told me no judge would make her go to work. She had actually been laid off and received a years severance pay and was living off of that as well.

Getting tired of all of the BS, I finally gave in and gave her the house which had about $60K equity in it, all of the belongings including about $20K worth of jewelry I had given her and she still asked how much her alimony would be. I told her if she wanted alimony, we would be going to court and dividing everything 50/50. I was bluffing of course, I would never had my children to be uprooted from their home.

I walked away with my work truck (I worked in construction at the time), my tools, and my clothes. I had some jewelry of my own and a mountain bike and a racing bike worth about a total of $3K. Because these things were not specifically in the agreement, she wouldn’t let me have them.

When we went to court, the judge did not intervein. He signed the agreement and we left, I went outside and took a sigh of relief on the courthouse steps, For the next 16 years, until my son turned 18, she knew she had a stronghold on me financially. If there was a school expense, or a trip, I was told I was supposed to pay for it. I informed her that was what the $800 child support was for. Once both of my children were of age, and child support stopped, she no longer had that hold on me. Again, a sigh of relief.

Looking back, had I know the things she was going to do, I probably would have fought for 50/50. Nobody stepped in and said this was way to generous of me. I have a feeling if the shoe was on the other foot, a judge would have never allowed it.

OK… stepping off of my stadium now.

Reborn-kaisen
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I like this. It’s not someone ranting on Twitter. It’s someone respectfully and calmly discussing a topic that could be considered controversial.

brooksmusic
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“It’s often seen as ‘who’s side are you on, ’ instead of being on the side of human flourishing”

It’s so refreshing to see this issue given its own space to be discussed, instead of being weaponized as a bad faith rebuttal against women’s issues.

Society need to talk about this, and we need to do it in solidarity with women and feminism, as opposed to in contrast to it

remirussin
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I am a woman, and I care about Men’s treatment and well-being, just as I care about Women’s. I don’t understand why it has to be either or.

cheesypoofpoofs
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I had a vocational welding class with a male teacher in highschool, and that man did wonders for almost every kid in the class. He really turned 40 problem kids into hardworking respectable men. I wanted to be a teacher, but when you look at how expensive college is, and then how much teachers get paid, why would I when I can go do blue collar work and make more out the gate without education.

brendonbuchanan