Why Just Being Friends With Guys Will Keep You Single

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In this week's episode of LOVELife I talk about the women who say "all my friends are guys" and how doing this seeming removes someone from having to compete with other women. There's a danger of seeming arrogant when doing this and losing feminine energy. Enjoy!

Video links at the end:

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[MsWannabeGamer]

You know what sucks? Guys constantly complaining how girls bring so much drama with them and how annoying it is, but then they completely ignore the girls who avoid drama because "he doesn't see her that way". What kind of crap is that? If a guy hangs around with only women, he isn't seen as undateable by other women.

[DryestAlarm]

Matthew, did you ever think that maybe some girls don't like that "level of competition" because they just want to relax and be themselves?  Some girls take competition too far, to the point of extreme jealousy and cattiness.  It isn't even always necessarily about the affection of guys, but it can even arise regarding relationships within the girl friend group.  The drama can be exhausting! From my experience, guys tend to be more laid back, and very honest.

[Ebonyfox]

REAL female friends are much harder to find then guy friends. I have female friends and I love them to pieces BUT I don't have a lot of them and I"m always weary about adding to the group. More often then not, even when invited, I'm turning it down when it comes to women companionship unless we run in two completely different circles or I don't interact with them much (i.e. I don't befriend female co-workers). Men are just soo much easier to befriend. You mentioned female competition and personally THAT's what I try to avoid. Guys compete and make one another better but women can literally make it their mission to DESTROY you. Insult you, talk about you, humiliate you in public, female version of cock-blocking. Female jealousy is a vicious thing. They say the #1 reason women don't rule the world is because women hate other women. I agree 1000%,

[daliwood]

Oh please. Why are you so concerned with gender roles? Hang out with people you like to be around. Who gives an F

[ivystorm]

I disagree that women want to remove themselves from a "game" to be around guys. That's really not the reason for me and it's not about them thinking they're too good to be around other women either. It's very simple: I have more guy friends because they are much easier to talk to than women in my opinion, I'm not trying to remove myself from the competition or think I'm better than other women. I just find myself connecting to guys more as friends; it's that simple. My style is very much both masculine and feminine, I connect with women who aren't totally feminine and I connect with most men who don't care about the status quo of being feminine if that makes sense.

[horncow]

I’ve tended to hang around men because they’re less easily offended and you don’t have to act supportive and demonstrative with them (something that doesn’t come naturally to me). You can just bs and talk bluntly without them thinking ill of you or getting insulted and catty. It’s not all about competition, sometimes it’s just conversational compatibility.

[pujank]

Matt I normally like your advice. But I beg to differ on this one. An immature girl might compete but a classy lady respects both men and women equally. She knows being kind to all is ultimate happiness, be it a man or a woman 😊

[MelindaMysticWitch]

I have maybe two real, genuine female friends.. and this isn't because I don't appreciate amazing women energy, it's because most of the women I've befriended, backstabbed me, lied about me, and used me just as much as the men have. I have men that are friends too, but again, not many. The other issue, is I'm not competitive naturally, however women are extremely competitive -especially if it's for men in the room, or even for egoic reasons to make themselves feel better for a day. However, I'm not that way. I'm quite alright not having people notice me, or take a moment to seek my approval, but I'm not so insecure either that I cannot stand on my own if need be. I have three brothers, so being around men has always been natural for me, along with how I tend to handle situations.. which is by trying to talk it through with logic. The problem isn't that women with a lot of guy friends are always so hateful.. sometimes (like for my situation) it's due to the fact that many women are so constructive, and can be just as equally manipulative as men and that my dear Mathew is why I don't have many female friends. No matter your gender.. it's based on individual stories and experiences that bring about the reasons.... not the gender itself.

[thiacari]

We need to notice an important distinction in what Matt is saying:
A) You ONLY have friends of the opposite sex vs.
B) You have friends of both sexes, regardless the proportion (more male or female)

In my twenties, I had a girl in my soccer team rant "I don't hang out with girls, they're all so complicated and fussy". Then she would hang out at the gym in pink tight clothes, surrounded by men. I didn't like her comment, as I see myself as a person striving for simple, direct communication, without fuss about foods or weather.
But then I looked in the mirror. Weren't most of my friends male, because I enjoyed the conversations, book advice and sports?

I decided that if I wanted to be a balanced, well rounded individual, I should actively search friends of all ages, races and sexes.

I have benefited from this decision immensely, and gained very cool loving friends: singles and mothers, poor and rich, African and Asian, men and women, teens and people in their fifties. I developed methods to make women avoid seeing me as competition, and make men put me in their friend zone instead of trying to bed me. These people have helped me grow into the person I am today.

The soccer "I don't befriend females" -girl also became my good friend: we've both gone through similar rough patches in life, and we enjoy our similarities as well as our differences :)

[pinkqueenscookie]

I agree. I think it's highly contradictory for a woman to say that they do not want any female friends on the basis that they are too dramatic. Lol, you're a woman too. Let's not have these high horse, narcissistic attitudes. Both men and women can be dramatic and flawed.

[MrsBrittneyBieber]

I never understood when women said they get along better with men.I mean I get wanting to avoid drama but just find better female friends. I just find It difficult being around guys all the time because they are programed different and I like to have friends with the same views as me.

[betterhealthbetterlife]

Sometimes these women have horrible relationships with their Mothers and didn't learn how to build trust and binding with their own gender.

[allatormey]

I am not competing for the spot, I am the spot

[Mejustnow]

Could this issue be changed to explain more positively that it's not about having too many "guy friends" but rather about finding women who empower you as a single woman? 

Women in a group can be negative, competitive and damaging but there are also women out there who will genuinely empower other women and make them stronger. 

It's taken me a long time to learn this, but once you begin to seek out and attract "girl friends" who support you then you can ditch the "I don't get on with women" line completely. 

[angelasinclair]

All my friends are guys, sorry to make you cringe Matt, but I really DO get along better with guys and what really makes me happy is having friends who I love and love hanging out with, not landing a man.

[snorky]

Thank you Matthew, for pointing out something I never once thought about. I used to be that girl who only hung out with the guys, and I kept running into similar issues. However I did take a look at myself, undid examine the person I was becoming, and did perform a deep analysis on my life at that point in time. And discovered I may be that girl, but I'm not the only one; there are a plethora of other females just like me. I simply just have to find them.

[warmcozy]

I am a woman, and whenever I encounter a woman who says she doesn't get along with women, I know right away to avoid her. There are people I don't get along with, but they don't all fall into one category. They run the gamut - gender, ethnicity, age, etc. If a woman says she doesn't get along with women, then she's advertising the fact that it is she who doesn't like women. The problem is her.

[sarawawa]

I've heard the reason for only having guy friends is to "avoid drama" but guys can have just as much drama as women! I've heard stories from my brother's group of all male friends, they have a ton of drama, more than even my group of all female friends (plus obviously if you have a large group of people with varying opinions there's going to be some disagreements and arguments sometimes, regardless of genders) Also women who claim to only want guy friends often disdain and look down on other women for no real reason. They have a weird, ungrounded sense of superiority and for those of you who have trouble making female friends, perhaps take a look at your own attitude. If you are approaching women as inferiors, if you even have this negative view of women, it's going to show in your actions. Subconsciously your feelings will reflect in your behavior. Consider for just a moment that it might be possible that the problem isn't all other women but maybe just you and your attitude towards women. Same-sex friends really are wonderful and its a unique relationship you ought to experience. For women I also think a sense of female empowerment comes from female friendships and that's really quite nice. Just don't hurt yourself by not giving these sort of friendships a chance.

[Optomystyc]

You know, this is one of the few videos of yours that I've watched and felt like you were being pretty blatantly sexist. Gender is not a dichotomy, if you want to debase it and simplify it, then you could say that it is, but in actuality gender is on a continuum. Women can have more "masculine" qualities and as a result feel more comfortable around men because society has said that those qualities that she has are "masculine". The same can be true for men. If society, including yourself, didn't insist that women have to have certain "feminine" qualities to be considered viable mates, then maybe things would be different. 

[sofiahaken]

Matthew, thank you for this video. When you said that female energy is amazing, I took that as a huge compliment and realized that I have always shunned that part of me. Hanging out with guys is great, but then you only ever learn how to be a guy. You need to compete and feel uncomfortable around your sex every now and then. It's just part of life and it's not a bad thing. Our society is very individualized and raises us to think that we can literally be whoever we want to be and that if no one likes it then that's their problem. People think that Matthew is saying, "All you are is a part of your sex and you need to change yourself and be feminine to be attractive." In reality, he is telling us to accept the natural female or male part of ourselves that competes with one another. In the animal kingdom, competition is natural and vital.