Meet the Parents Who Regret Having Children

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[BonesAndButtons]

Decided to never have children when I was 15. Knew it was not for me. Knew I would not make a good parent. 52 and never regretted that decision. But the bullying and judgement for being childless is unpleasant.

[julesk]

I have four children and I love them all dearly. However, I was absolutely not equipped to care for them, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that I was. We need to do more to help adults recognize when they are and are not equipped to raise children. And we need to help those adults who choose to have them. It is the toughest job in the world and the one that is sadly the least supported.

[cramperella]

My mother was a depressive who told me when I was a child that she shouldn’t have had me. It devastated me. I just assumed she hated me and that there was something fatally wrong with me. I despised myself as a result. It took decades to get her hateful voice out of my head. Feelings are one thing, but don’t EVER divulge them to your child. Children don’t ask to be born.

[ld]

I regret having a child. I didn't understand (at 19) I was married to a narcissist and didn't realize what terrible parents we would be. Child is 52 now and cannot cope with life. I loved the first 3 years because he gave me a reason to live. He was a very good kid. I regret not being a better parent. That child has alway said he wasn't going to have children. He was so intuitive.

[susiemejia]

I’m not sure one can regret having a kid and the kid not know it.

[gardenista]

Our society bestows status on people who have children. It is a way for someone who is absolutely no one to feel like they are someone -- even though sex/knocking up is the easiest thing in the world to do. Parenthood is not an accomplishment. In fact, it is quite often indicative of low character or lack of responsibility.

[NovaPrincess]

I'm grateful that regretful parents are being honest these days. Why do people act like Child Protective Services doesn't exist for a reason? Regretful parenthood is a well-known phenomenon, but people are just too terrified and in denial of admitting it. Absentee fathers stepping out is normalized, but regretful mothers are seen as 'taboo'. People get especially angry at regretful mothers AND childfree women. They want women to just LOVE being the family sacrifice, lol! The jig is up.

[RouxHarbour]

A lot of people are like my mom, who, loves me, but who was not equipped to raise a child. She lives with extreme guilt and regret because of how unintentionally abusive my childhood with her was because she wasn't equipped to be a healthy parent.

[TraceB]

Imagine finding that FB group & seeing your parents are members. I appreciate the honesty since so many people say having kids is wonderful. I never wanted kids (for multiple reasons) & I don’t regret not having them!

[wadepatton]

I have seen children treated in a ways that makes me regret that they were born to such horrible parents--and this is no reference to spanking. It's about verbal mental abuse and horrible situations.

[aniwee]

While I don’t regret having children, I won’t be making the same choice if time can revert back to my younger days. The time commitment and resources required to raise a child are very demanding. And there is no longer a village to help child rearing.

[amiedetherese]

I was someone who had an adoptive mother who had these sentiments. Her last dying words were how sorry she was to have adopted, it ruined her life. She had said things like this several times in the previous years but she made sure she expressed it again right before she died. They gave me a terrible life with abuse.

[marajade]

I am so grateful to hear this topic being talked about. There is such a myth about the bliss of having children and the negativity directed at those who choose not to. My therapist also said they there are lots of people who regret having children. I too have heard of digital communities that also talk about that regret. I for one am grateful that I don’t have kids and am someone who has never wanted to. This topic also raises the awareness of the utter challenges and difficulties of raising children. I know that as a child and adult who has endured extreme domestic violence from my mother, father and brother (not any intimate partner) that I have not been equipped to have kids. Thankfully my background and personal inclination have also aligned to my disinterest in not having kids. As I have undergone therapy and have worked through this question in my life, the idea that there are people out there who are talking about having regrets having kids is immensely powerful. The conversation raises a more nuanced position and the need to really think it through instead of just assuming, as people have for generations, that it is ‘normal’ and natural for everyone to want to have kids or dismissing people who say that they don’t want to but not having th language to really explain the reasons. It’s a difficult conversation but one that has to be done sensitively for both the child who may already be here or the adult who chooses not to have one for a myriad of reasons. The topic has to become more normalised rather than having a fantasised perspective on being a parent. This conversation has the potential to begin to heal generational trauma that has continued from the belief that being a parent is ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ or simply inevitable to live a fulfilled meaningful life.

[JohnGrahamWilson]

As a teacher, for fifty years, I met a lot of Western teenagers who were all-round despicable people - not a shred of decency in them. Invariably, they tried to sabotage my classes with vulgar opposition and undisguised hatred for the teacher and the topics covered. I wondered where these dispositions came from - they were comfortable middle-class kids, many of them quietly tolerating the bad behaviour of the others. Now, having retired, the number of remembered likeable kids I can count on one hand - well, maybe two. Was I a bad teacher? I don't think so. It is a social problem that continues to this day. Ask around a bit.

[divacassandra]

I wonder how much of this parental regret is unrecognized neurodivergence on the part of either the parent, child, or both. I was childless by choice, too many physical maladies I don't want to pass on.

[Proverbs.]

Who wouldn’t love the Parrot? She’s adorable! Love her!

[Guammaine]

There is a lot of shame and guilt admitting that you regret having kids. Guilt and shame doesn't solve the problem! Nor does judgement. It's not a one size fits all issue.

[calus]

Your child is definitely that macaw 😂 she was just being all innocent an playful while you were lecturing and trying to focus.

[tiandai]

Children are a privilege not a right. Many people take it as a right hence their regret.

[qkwjz]

My father has told me many times he regrets having children, especially my younger brother, who is essentially a 50 year old parrot. My mother is enabling her pet parrot until the end. I am low contact with the parrot and his parents.