Stop Trying So Hard For People Who Don't Care

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ABOUT JULIA:

Julia Kristina, MA, is a speaker, teacher, master therapist and mental wealth coach who helps smart, highly sensitive, heart centred humans get past anxiety, stress, and self-doubt so they can have better: Better relationships, a better life and feel better about themselves.

Through her membership program, The Shift Society, she helps people identify their deep rooted thoughts and beliefs that are keeping them stuck and struggling, and then teaches them how to take charge of their minds and emotions so they can thrive in all areas of their lives.

Julia’s expertise has been featured in Inc magazine, Psych Central, Mind Body Green and numerous other publications, podcasts and television outlets. She has also given talks in front of audiences of hundreds on stages across North America. Videos on her YouTube channel have been watched more than 15 million times and she has built a community of over 375,000 people across social media platforms. When she’s not helping her clients and students increase their emotional intelligence and mental strength, she’s out on some kind of adventure with her three children in Vancouver, Canada.

[Clevelandsteamer]

Don’t cross oceans for those that won’t jump a puddle for you

[LOVE_ALL_AROUND]

Been like this all my life. Now in my mid-50s I seem to get it.

[SnowS]

What is most hard is that some people (family in particular) are not so forgiving and will keep rehashing it over and over again no matter what you say. They can't move on from it. I had to distance myself from them but I still run in my head that I have to be careful what I say and do around them. I hate Christmas and I hate seeing them.

[FaintAura]

If you genuinely apologize to someone and they still can't forgive you, unless you've done or said something to them that's so heinous, it says a lot more about them than it does you.

[chrisdigitalartist]

Hi Julia! Senior Shifter Chris here!

Stop Trying So Hard for People Who Don’t Care.

This is an area that I used to struggle a lot with and am still working on because I do tend to overthink because I am an overthinker. I do stress about what I do or say. I also look back and think, “Gosh. Why did I say or ask that? I knew better. “And I stress and may feel embarrassed afterwards in fact, I had that moment after our session yesterday...something that I said in the chat yesterday. But oh well. I haven’t been feeling good and my brain hasn’t been working the best lately. I am imperfect. 😊

Here are my notes:

*Stop trying so hard to be so nice, to get everything right, to never make a mistake or say or do the wrong thin or accidentally upsetting anyone…etc.

*This can cause anxiety and take away peace and joy from your life.

*If you are an overthinker, you may replay everything you said to a friend or a group of friends, " Why did I say that? What if someone took something the wrong way? Maybe I wasn't clear about something What if they are thinking about this about me…etc.."

*You may go through it, rehearse it and stress over it and beat yourself up for it.

*"I'm not perfect. You're not perfect…and that is just perfect. "

*If we do make a mistake or say something that may have offended or hurt someone, we can genuinely show remorse and apologize.

*Get better at those times when you find yourself stressing and obsessing, worrying and thinking about what you maybe, might or could have said that maybe, might or could have upset or offended someone. Get better at letting yourself be an imperfect human.
*"I made a mistake. NOT…I AM a mistake."

* We are not going around and judging everything that everyone else is saying, so don’t' stress that others are doing that either.
Stop trying to be perfect, it isn't possible, and it is way too much pressure.

[deepakp]

I am hearing this repeatedly to change this pattern of hyper vigilance, a wrong concept rooted in me. Thank you for making such messages.❤👌

[Beccadette]

I needed this. 💯 All I do is acquiesce, re think, and explain in every area of my life.

[darthgeorge]

Hi, I’m George. I discovered your channel a few weeks ago and I am an avid watcher/listener. You’ve helped me understand my feelings a lot more than I thought I could (if that makes sense). I listen to your videos when I go on long, driving trips, too. All your videos help me a lot! Thank you!

[GladToBeNatural]

Gonna add this to the morning routine ❤️❤️😇

[GotGhost]

Thank you Julia. I can be too apologetic sometimes for no reason. But I try to say to myself don't keep apologizing to people. I don't realize that I'm making a comment to someone. It gets hard sometimes when I don't think before I say anything.

[hstile]

I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it didn't even matter... :/

[CrAZychicke]

This literally speaks to me on so many levels. Thank you for voicing my concerns.

[lebmanrocks]

Thank you, Julia. This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. My gf’s parents are blaming me for something I didn’t do last week, when I told them (and they know too) that it was my gf’s fault. I did what I could to rectify the situation, but still no avail.

[dfinite]

I had a professor in psychology, who advised to be “B Level”. We all are so perfectionistic, and we require A Level Honor Roll or higher, of ourselves. Aim for B Level, it will be still A Level, for our overachieving, perfectionist expectations. Aim for B, and truly do your best, and let happiness and self love in!

[attacusshoots]

If I could have found and accepted this advice at 24 my life may have been a lot better. That being said, I'm still a person that replays my tactless moments. Is it actually possible to change?

[minaak]

I'm trying so hard to please my husband...I don't argue now I'm a mom of two my six weeks postpartum is gonna end soon I had second c section....my mental health is very disturb... I'm always anxious and frustrated but I never ever pour my frustration on him I always smile and talk to him nicely ...I can't even share properly how I'm feeling.. I feel like there's a wall between us ....I care a lot about him but when he said to me that you don't care about me... I give up.... I'm so upset... sometimes he doesn't care and say harsh things to me and I don't even get mad at him I'm so tired now ....

[neverstopwhistle]

THANK YOU! You have no idea how much these counseling videos have helped me become a stronger person. Please keep helping us 🙂

[jamesbondinspector]

Just what I needed to hear. Thank you!

[EmbraceTheStruggle]

I've been preaching this type of stuff to myself the last few weeks, and i believe its paying dividends :)

[mbhjpyk]

Love your wisdom so non clinical, untangling so much of what I feel !❤