Sibling Abuse - The Adult and the Inner Child - Episode 8

After many requests, here is my take on the kinds of sibling abuse, it's roots in the toxic family system and some treatment ideas.

Topics covered:
healing, journal prompts, toxic family, abusive sister, abusive brother, sexual abuse, childhood trauma, inner child, neglect, narcissistic parents.

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
1:29 Connect With Me
2:00 What Is Sibling Abuse?
3:20 Categories & Examples
10:34 Family System - Healthy Parenting
14:41 Family System - Toxic Parenting
18:31 #1 Find a Therapist or Healer
23:23 #2 The Courage to Heal
24:09 #3 Inner Child Journaling Prompts
26:22 Final Thoughts
26:42 Outro

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[elysehamilton]

As soon as you said “I believe you”, I nearly started crying.

[carolynknott]

I truly appreciate you addressing this topic. So many people laugh and minimize the trauma older siblings can cause to younger children.

[aislingobrien]

My older brother had the most imaginative ways to torture me - he once told me to look through a keyhole, as he wanted to show me something.. then sprayed furniture polish in my eye from the other side of the keyhole. Narc parents often pit siblings against one another, so that they don’t gang up together against the parent - keeps the kids powerless.

[saracowherd]

I am the baby of 10 children. Not only did I get abused by each and everyone of them, but I had to grow up hearing that I was “spoiled “ because I was the baby. It’s almost unbelievable what I overcame. ❤

[mileszurawell]

For those going through this: I believe you, and more importantly you can and will believe yourself. Listen to that little kid. There is no better feeling than breaking through decades of gaslighting to catching glimpses of freedom. You have to work hard to live in REALITY, and not the lies of your abuser and enabling family members, therapists, and society.

[stephanies]

I’d beg my neglectful narc mother to tell my brother with sociopathic characteristics to stop beating me. *This went on until I called the police at the age of 26.* Each time she’d say, “I don’t want to hear it. You two just have to learn to get along.” Or just straight up accuse me *and later his girlfriends* of lying.

Well my brother is 50 now and my mother is 70. She is just now seeing signs of what I was talking about. I guess he has said some things she finds disturbing. As for me, I’m safe and sound and living 2, 700 miles away.

[ElanaVital]

There's something about this that hurts deep. Dad hit us both. We should've been on the same side.

[knzay]

as an older sibling, i was guilty of some things discussed here (more the teasing and bullying) and even tho we're both fully grown adults, i've made it a point to apologize to my younger sib. i was definitely wounded in my own ways and saw him as the easy target :( but we're pretty close now!

[janedowe]

Thanks, Patrick. Toxic family system is an understatement. My brother bullied me my entire childhood and my parents gaslighted me; my mother used the 'religious' approach and told me to forgive my brother, while she never intervened. I still can't help resenting my parents for their complete lack of interest in the situation.

[uyoebyik]

My siblings kept the bullying up to this day. I've gone no contact the whole lot of them because we're all middle-aged and they're clearly not going to change

[penapravoce]

My older brother used to physical abuse me, humiliate me, overpower me by taking my own hands and using them to hit myself with them, taunt me, allow his friends to hit and slap me while he watched, push me underwater so I never learned to swim, a million cruel things, and YES my parents were narcissistic and neglectful. This was a lifesaving video. Thank you.

[wordscaninspire]

"emotional targeting of the younger sibling..." Almost in tears listening to this. Thank you, you're brilliant.

[sherrilynnnelson]

I finally confronted my older sister about her mind games, exclusion, manipulation and deception over the years, and now we don't speak. It was painful, and she didn't take responsibility (she blamed it on our dysfunctional family, which I guess is true?), but now I don't have the gnawing pain of wanting her acceptance, because she could have been sorry, and she wasn't.

[RaineCloud]

I grew up in an abusive household. I have so much regret and guilt over every time I hurt my little sister, either physically or emotionally. I remember her asking me (she was maybe 2 or 3 and I would have been 8 or 9) to sing to her and rub her arm (something our mother did to soothe her to sleep sometimes). I remember I responded with frustration and refused to do it, and she cried. I was annoyed at the time but it makes me so ashamed thinking about it now. How could I have done that? How could I have turned away a little child just asking for comfort? And that's a very mild example.

I've apologized about and validated everything she's brought up to me that I did to her when we were kids, and I take every opportunity I can to respond to her with kindness and never dismiss her. We have a pretty good relationship now, but it hurts so much knowing that nothing I do now will ever take away my contribution to her trauma.

[sandramlane]

So triggering to listen to this. I was the youngest girl in a huge family. I fall into every category. Need to take a break & do self care. Thank you, Patrick. You’re creating a safe space to address the inner worlds of many of us who are dying inside. You’re saving lives - God bless you & your work.

[amy_lee]

I feel so seen. Thank you, Patrick :(

[cowboycarson]

My brother was younger but always much, much stronger and would always get more attention and understanding than me. He would sit on my chest and pin me to the floor with his legs on my arms until it hurt. I could only bite him & I would get in trouble because I was older. My parents would sit and laugh at me.

He was on the Spectrum & had a brain tumor when he got older. He died in 2020 from cancer. It's so hard to acknowledge and talk about some of the stuff he had done because he died.

We never had equal love/attention because he had cancer. It was never "my turn" to be loved. Even after he died, my parents told me it was their turn to "put their needs first" after not loving me for years. My parents suck and I'm so done with it!

Tapping into my own unending well of love & giving my inner child everything that I need.

[jenofire]

I was stabbed, raped, punched, electrocuted by my older brother, and told a lot of really horrible things - like I was going to be aborted . I’m so glad you made this video, because there’s so few resources available about sibling abuse.
My older brother also put stuff in my bed. He was so inappropriate with me. And when I tried telling my parents, no one believed me.
Even now, my brother is the Golden Child. I am the Scapegoat.

[maymldrz]

My younger sister has been abusive (emotional and physical), manipulative and a gaslighter for so many years. She body-shamed me (and I had eating disorders), slut-shamed me, called me homophobic slurs, she used to tell everyone my secrets/private information (including the fact that I like girls when I wasn't even ready to come out), among many other things. She has been like this since a really young age and she still is a really toxic person

[mordaciousfilms]

What if I am the OLDER brother and my younger brother was the one bullying me, hitting me, teasing me and tormenting me throughout my childhood and teen years? And justifying it by saying it was because I was a loser and embarrassing. Everyone in the family may act like "oh, that was the past, and he was just a teenager" but I feel like a lot of that contributed to my trauma as an adult, feeling unloved and unsafe around other men and feeling ashamed of myself for no reason at times, because I maybe picked up on a belief that I was an embarrassment and a loser growing up...