What if People Don't Understand?

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There will be times in life where people don't get it, no matter how hard you might try to make them understand. It can be frustrating! So, what if people don't understand? What are we to do?

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[mluna]

My husband (who doesn't have ADHD) says something that I find really validating. He tells me, "I don't understand it, but I understand that it's a problem for you."

[king.aguinaldo]

“People can only meet us as far as they’ve met themselves.” This phrase always helps my heart. ❤

[blindaurora]

Being confident about my own needs when others don't validate them is a big goal

[greenqueenn]

You literally changed my entire life Jessica. I had no idea I might have adhd until I stumbled across your adhd in girls video FIVE YEARS ago now and it clicked. I was on the brink of dropping out of university even though I was smart enough and I loved what I was studying. After the diagnosis, the support, and the medication, everything changed so quickly, I even got straight A’s that semester for the first time in my life😅. Now I’m starting my PhD! And there’s no way I could have done it without you, thank you Jessica❤

[ruaoneill]

"My feelings are valid, whether somebody else understands them or not" Welcome to another episode of Jessica makes me cry and helps heal my inner child!
Seriously, thank you and everyone at this channel!

[VermisTerrae]

I'm autistic and also have ADHD and people not understanding (or not even trying to understand) my point or perspective is one of the hardest things to let go. I also have trauma of people just not getting it, or invalidating me, etc. It makes it that much harder to move on. I don't fight with people about it, I just tend to ruminate on the fact that they don't get it and I have mental arguments that never happened on repeat in my head. It's exhausting, but therapy helps a lot! It's helped a lot to say "oh, I'm trying to fight with a ghost" when I notice it happening. The thoughts are based on something that was real, but they aren't real anymore. Now it's just a memory.

[ravenclawallday]

Hearing about your mom it sounds like she had it rough, and it must've been hard on you and your siblings. I'm sorry you all had to go through a rough time.

[pinkartwitch]

This is sort of like something I learned recently too. I learned that I don't always have to micro-analyze my feelings and needs, and I don't have to justify them, I can just feel upset by someone being rude and I don't have to justify my feelings about it. Being self-aware is a good thing but it can go too far. anyway, just thought I'd share :)

[killerpussy]

Not having people understand is my weak point. Because I am so deeply curious, because I want and need to understand everything - to me it feels like not being interested in understanding is neglect.
I can't imagine anything *worse* than not being interested and trying to understand.

[woodsmccloud]

As someone with ADHD and ASD AND who is also learning Italian, I can also confirm that learning another language using the ‘bite size’ apps available (duolingo works for me) is an excellent way to improve focus, memory and generally get a mood boost from consistent progress.
It even helps me sleep when I do it before bed because it requires a manageable level of focus that assists with switching off from the day.

[nehamaw]

The 'it's OK. They don't need to understand' is so important rn. I spent today trying to explain to my family that things aren't like they used to be. That I'm getting better with things. But they don't see it so can't understand.

[jakeovery]

I am Gaurdian to my 9 year old nephew, who has ADHD. ODD, PTSD etc after several years of studying these things and still studying, I totally get what you all are saying about people not getting. I've even had people tell me it is fake etc. It's crazy, but as long as I continue to help this little guy navigate through life more positively and productive the better.

[uhohspaghettios]

I referred to that position in the family as "the translator" and it was a role I also filled. My mom and my older sister had a pretty contentious relationship growing up, and my mom relied on me to explain what my sister was thinking and/or feeling at any given moment. She also frequently asked me how to word requests so my sister wouldn't lash out.

It was such a bizarre experience, as it genuinely felt like I was some kind of UN diplomat negotiating peace between two vastly different cultures.

[lauravaht]

I don't have adhd but I've been trying to explain myself to people that I'm having a hard time at school and no one seems to understand since I've always been the "smart but lazy" kid. It's hard for me to feel valid without them understanding but they will never realise the things I've been through because they haven't been in my brain. Thank you for these videos and giving me some new ways to think and more understanding of myself:)

[memyaccount]

I think that having a partner who understands (or at least tries to understand) should be non-negotiable. & If trying to make them *try* to understand feels like pulling teeth, tell them, “Now you can try to *understand* where the door is!” 😎

[muranette]

I swear you always post a video on a topic that I need to hear the most at that exact moment. As a 26 year old just diagnosed with ADHD and still living with my parents, I've been having this huge overwhelming need to explain and explain and try and help my parents understand what I'm going through and then maybe life will be a bit easier on me. One of my biggest fears in life is being misunderstood because I wasn't clear enough about myself. But then I sit in fear of either over explaining or under explaining and tend to just do nothing. Sometimes that's liberating, when you just accept that someone may not ever understand but it may not entirely matter so long as YOU understand yourself.

[EthOrlen]

“Even if someone else isn’t in a space to understand us, maybe we can understand them.”

What an powerful, important thing to end on. Thanks for sharing!

[yukariis]

i really needed this video. recently my ex friend told me i use my diagnosis to be selfish and that really hurt cuz he just doesn't understand how it feels

[spaceghost]

Trying to get the people around me to understand so I can be a little more at peace is such a struggle especially because they make my symptoms worse a lot of the time. I’ll just have to try and let it go a little more and just be my own best bud.

[SophiaCapote]

Someone told me once that the people in our lives don't have to understand you, but they do need to support you. Understanding can help you feel heard, but it's not necessary to be supportive. Say your friend has a hobby they love, like running marathons or something - which is not my thing. I don't understand how running can be in any way enjoyable. But that doesn't mean I can't attend their marathon to support them, or encourage them in training and congratulate them when they do really well.

I am also learning a language! But the reason I'm learning that language is because that is my husband's native language. His culture is very important to him. I don't need to understand why (though I do like to hear him talk about it and I do my best to understand things that aren't familiar to me). I just trust that it is important to him and if it is important to him, it's important to me. I want to be supportive of him in any way that I can.

And understanding doesn't always lead to support either! I think understanding each other is so important and feels really good when someone truly "gets it", but a lot of the time what we are really looking for is support. You can be supportive without understanding. It just takes listening, trust, and a willingness to do so.