A former FBI hostage negotiator's advice for getting what you want

Chris Voss is a former FBI hostage negotiator and recognized authority on negotiations. Over his distinguished career spanning 24 years with the FBI, Voss specialized in high-stakes negotiation tactics, managing critical situations involving kidnappings, terrorism, and complex international diplomacy. He served as the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI, handling over 150 international hostage cases and applying his expertise in numerous domestic crises as well.

Chris Voss’s approach to negotiation is noted for its focus on tactical empathy—an understanding of the counterpart's emotions to influence their decision-making process positively. This innovative method stems from his extensive field experience and is grounded in psychological principles.

After retiring from the FBI, Chris Voss founded The Black Swan Group, a firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. He also authored "Never Split the Difference," a book where he shares negotiation strategies derived from his years of experience in high-pressure environments. His work has not only redefined how negotiations are understood and conducted in criminal justice but also in business and everyday life.

[jonathanjohnson]

Treat people how you want to be treated. Still holds true to this day❤

[soupermancampbell]

Seeing things from the other person's perspective and acknowledging their value

[ENDESGA]

Just like thanking the bus driver, ALWAYS thank customer service for their time. We joke on them too much as a society, but it's really not an easy job - especially for companies that get a lot of hateful customers.

[claudiaarjangi]

Yep, true as. I've found slipping in how grateful you are for their help & how it's much appreciated always makes a difference.

[anovosedlik]

Never underestimate the power of empathy and kindness. I've probably only had bad service once or twice in my life.

[AkashSharma-wirr]

He looks like that guy from the "Nice " meme😅😅

[wg]

I've worked customer service and. Yes. It can be hard. As a rep, I want them to think that I'm there to help them to get the best outcome for whatever it is that they need. It may not be exactly what they were wanting but still the best solution possible and they can be satisfied.

[file]

Be nice to people. What a novel concept!

[JaTjr]

Many people just want to be recognized as human beings. When you answer phones for companies, they teach you to use people's names. It helps build a relationship. I make sure to always write down the person that answered's name when I call places.
None of these are universals, of course. Not every person likes names, not every company likes names, not every whatever whatevers. But in general, using a name is a good way to connect.

[saydiekay]

I love talking to customer service. Poor people have a horrible time! I call them Sir and Ma'am and tell them i really appreciate their help! Even if i dont get the solution I want. Working in sales I realise that emotions pay alot in the outcome.

[kariannecrysler]

Manners goes a long way. Being able to see people too

[ScottM]

I used to work AT&T customer service and not once did I think a caller was lucky I gave him any of my time. I'm getting paid ffs!

Also 90 seconds was the longest I was allowed to keep someone on hold. Other agents would put callers on hold that long for a 10 second task just to chat with other agents.

Yes a caller being nice was wonderful but I had average call times and quotas to meet etc. His issue was one she was told to accommodate due to his history as a customer!

So much for FBI negotiating.

[jkkhutson]

You get so much more from being polite than being a jerk

[gravestone]

Step one - Use FISA for unconstitutional surveillance of US citizens.

Step two - Encourage citizens to commit crimes they might not have otherwise done.

Step three - Arrest those citizens to increase your department budget.

Step four - W

[tiredman]

Poor lady probably had to come back down to Earth!

[divided_and_conquered]

Who would've thought it? lol

You get more flies with honey.

[uberfrogyz]

So the advice from the FBI to get what you want is: be nice. Must get a lot of training for that job.

[israfel]

Baby boomers never imagined being nice to a service worker in their lives

[makeracistsafraidagain]

I’m the nicest person ever on the phone. And with everyone I meet. It’s easy and free and it makes us both happy.