PARENTING KIDS WITH REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER

What is Reactive Attachment Disorder? How does it effect Families? This mother explains in an emotional video what it is like parenting kids with RADS.

[faithchew]

I really wanted to hear your testimony as we adopted a RAD child. However, the music in the video is so overwhelming that I couldn't hear what you were saying.

[sleepypisceslove]

Just for suggestion in the future it's hard to hear u over the music.

[lisapeterson]

I am so sorry for your pain. I know what the constant rejection is like. It's heartbreaking. You are a great mom. You are a warrior for these kids. You are amazing and wonderful.

[dfarizmohddahlan]

Sarah, it takes strength to fit in and it also takes courage to stand out..keep up all the good work

[christinawhitehead]

Thank you, this is helpful with my newest foster….

[fragcityreparacionespcylap]

sound gets way better after a minute :)

[bhemerson]

I am with you in this journey and relate to your every word. God bless you and your family.

[freddyfred]

I never heard of RAD before until I recently began mentoring two brother with it. Each with varying degrees of the the disorder. I think you said it best in having to trust in the GRACE OF GOD for his help! Especially in healing and forgiveness. I got a lot of learning to do!

[abbyizaguirre]

Hi I am a new subscriber and decided to watch your adoption story video. Now I am intrigued to watch more videos on your channel. Thank you for sharing your story. You are an inspiration to so many people. Your kids may have many challenges, but they have parents who love them and will support them in the can to overcome these challenges. Continue being the Great Parent And support system for your kids you have shown. Love the videos

[theresai]

I understand your grief, tears and strength. Thank You

[caseycollins]

Thank you. Your video has made me feel a bit more validated and a little less lonely.

[katherinebettilyon]

I don't know if you will see this but thanks for this video I have 5 adopted. 1 with RAD but all have attachment issues. I hope that you are able to find healing! We found a therapy called ART therapy that is similar to emdr and it has changed our lives for the better!

[susieann]

😢💗You’re the best, most kind person I

[sugarcoma]

You are a great mother! Never forget that please

[sherieharris]

it actually would b better without music. this whole vlog was very hard to hear.

[filyre]

It's great that you have some of the insights why they became that way. But despite what you are saying thru this video, sometimes it just takes time for them to trust you, if ever.


I am not sure if I meet the criteria for RAD, but I have  reflected previously and  have always thought I probably am. With that, I wanted to let you know how I felt as I watched your video about the things you say to your kids towards the end. I thought about whether I will truly accept that from my parents, especially my mom, and the answer is no (but I find myself empathizing with you, only because you are not my mom). And I think the reason why I felt that way was because RAD people generally had been observing their parents for their whole lives and every action that you take or innocent word that you say can become a reminder of some past hurt that maybe you have caused them mentally, emotionally, or physically even. And often times, it will be impossible for you to identify them, because they can potentially be irrational - though I definitely have my share of rational ones too. And perhaps for some other RAD people, they may not even be aware of these triggers themselves, so they might not understand why they are feeling irritated by something seemingly completely irrelevant.


If I am to be honest, my mom actually said something similar to what you did within your video the last time I met with her. But despite ther saying those words, I do not trust them. I do not because I know that it's only a temporary statement in the sense she will turn at any time once her loving / protective emotion for her child, or perhaps a bit of shame & guilt for herself, has faded from her mind. Despite it being over a year ago that we last met (we live in different countries), I still remember her saying something like "I will always love you and be there for you" the day before I left when we were chatting after dinner, which is really nice of her. But the next day before we parted, we got into an argument and she said something along the lines of "It's all a dream. I should have never married your dad and have you as my kid, it was the wrong-est decision of my life". That change within one day was more dramatic than usual, but it nonetheless demonstrated why those words are of zero value to me if a child RAD is a direct results of the parenting environment. 


Till this day, my mom remained to be the person with the most acute ability to harm me emotionally, that is, without her knowing that herself (I never told her that directly). You may be different than my personal case, but I was unable to discuss with her about these things because she already is an extremely emotionally fragile person, and whenever criticism is being hurled at her; valid or not, she always responds destructively, either by accusing the person who criticised her, or by self victimizing continuously until dad comforts her and lashes back on her behalf at the perpetrator. 


So, do I hate my parents or hold a grudge against them? Not really~ I know they love me and I also love them too. But do I emotionally trust them? No I do not. Given that,  I think it's inaccurate to portray it as that RAD children usually do not forgive their parents just because they may appear to reject you, because their withdrawal may simply be a self protective mechanism for saving themselves from more hurts instead of behavior out of  an unprocess subconscious rage towards their attachment figure.


So my word of caution towards you loving your kids will be that you need to be consistent for sure first of all. The way I think of myself with symptoms somewhat similar to RAD, is like a sheet of white paper than has been stained with black ink from all her past hurts. In order for these stains to heal, it will take the same amount of white out to repair them and probably the same amount of time too. And if you accidentally slip, like how my mom did above, you just got fresh some fresh splash of ink on that paper. And for some cases, the sheet of paper may just decide it's better to let black stain the whole sheet and fold itself into a paper plane so it can never be stained again - which basically becomes avoidant behavior.


Secondly, I think it will help if you become more aware of what your kids care about so that you can better understand how you may have been perceived.  Understanding how you are being perceived is really important because without that, you will never know how they need to be loved because chances are it won't come to you voluntarily. If you suspect that part of their trauma may have been from you, think about things that will cause you to want to want to yell at your kids for (can be because of their action/inaction, or it can simply be related to you but not your kids too), and review if any of those would be something you actually will prioritize over your child. Consider how you may respond differently if needed to show genuine care where you can show through your actions that your child is indeed your biggest priority. For myself, I was often disappointed at how my parents reactions under certain situations - they only served as testament of their disregard of me as an individual person with her own emotions, or that I even mattered at all when it comes to       fill in the blank     .


Good luck and wish you all the best with your journey. Hope all of you can make it out becoming stronger and more beautiful peoples!~ 💛💛

🙌🙌

[graciegirl]

I know your tears. I have 3 RADs. It is so isolating and lonely. It is so true that unless you live it you don't know.

[dfarizmohddahlan]

even though we are different in terms of religion and teachings, but i'm attracted to quote one of Jesus statements with regard to children (as per your Bible says):

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God (heaven) belongs to such as these"

Don't loose hope and always moving forward with good vibes.

[smpal]

The music is much too loud and I actually cannot hear what you are saying.

[fragcityreparacionespcylap]

music is to loud cant hear you unless the volume is really high :(