the fear of truly living

EDITING & MUSIC By HOUSECAT:
@housecat00

SOURCES
Becker, E. (1975). The denial of death. 1st pbk. ed. New York, Free Press.

[ReynaSingh]

“Living in fear is just another way of dying before your time.”

[thinclient]

1. Get inspired. 2. Randomly tear up. 3. Euphoric creative state. 4. Realize fear of failure/success will strike back soon.
That's too familiar. Thank you for showing, once again, that we are not alone experiencing the scary side of full humanness ❤‍🔥

[ariasaber]

I'm scared of starting something and actually becoming successful. It feels like it would be too much pressure. The thought of succeeding makes me so anxious but I am also terrified of failure as well. I want to be great. But my entire existence pushes against it.

[saltiestsiren]

i think the worst part is being aware you're living in fear, so aware of it so many times a day, and still...doing nothing about it. doing nothing about what makes you afraid or why. i'm in therapy but that's only half the battle. they teach you how to act, but if you're too afraid to act, then you're just taking lessons in a subject you never intend to master.

[wiosna]

I've done a couple of things recently that I've been too afraid to do before like: walking my dog at midnight, randomly doing pushups in the middle of a road or walking shirtless through the streets and these activities brought me such a feeling of freedom that made me realize that it's not worth it to live in the world of what ifs instead of just doing stuff you want to. As a certain #1 mage sang: "The less you think, the more you win". Thinking is meant to protect you from danger. By overthinking about simple stuff, you give up control to fear and that's why you live as a coward and not yourself. Take that control back and just do what you want. Yes, it is that simple. Just do it. Overthinking is a waste of time. Don't think too much.

[Ryan-oozj]

"A man has 2 lives - the first begins when he is born, the 2nd when he realises he only has one life to live"

[roflzspas]

I never thought you would talk about Krishnamurti; he is such a treasure. Expanding upon what you mentioned in the video, he also says something very fascinating. Basically, his fundamental view is that everything that happens (whether outside us or inside us) is a totally new and unique moment that has never happened before and will never repeat itself again. He asks whether we really feel "fear", or, rather, do we simply project our individual anxiety on what is a completely unprecedented affect?

Are we really 'afraid' or are we simply rushing to label what's happening inside us because it's too scary to live with something totally new?

The realization of this is what he calls "freedom from fear". He doesn't intend for us to be stoics, but very much the opposite. He wants us to feel whatever we're feeling so intensely, so utterly, never naming it, that we are wholly liberated from trying to escape ourselves, our emotions, what-is.

[jessbunz]

Yet again he makes another well timed video-

[swamp]

I have a fear that I’m not “built” for living or existing here. I’ve been trying really hard to do things even though they give me major anxiety but everything is overwhelming. I don’t know, might as well go after what you want “the time will pass anyway” and “do it scared” are two of my favorite quotes

[myseelium]

After attempting suicide when I was in my late teens and having a near death experience, I was faced with what I believe was ego death, however I had no guide nor the cognitive framework ready for when I didn't die to process what I had experienced. It destroyed me (I have complex ptsd as well from many things before & after) and I have been swirling in a void of in-betweenness ever since. I only started resurfacing at the start of the pandemic when I was faced with a similar isolation as the one that had ultimately led to my suicide attempt. I am still working on rejoining the world again at 30 years old but your video has really put some things into perspective for me. Thank you for showing me a different level in the simulation :)

[turbovirgin_]

You're talking about ego death. That feeling of liberation, and possibility, and rawness, and oneness with the world around you. I've felt it before. It's awesome in the classical sense, and utterly terrifying.

What I've learned about ego death is that it's temporary. The ego doesn't really die, it just shuts down in self-protection. Then there's nothing protecting you from the full, overwhelming force of all your emotions. When you stop weeping in joy and start interacting with the world again, you start noticing the parts of the world that aren't extremes of majesty and terror. The little annoyances, the chores, the people around you, the posters you hung up in your room. That's when your ego starts back up, when it's safe. Your sense of self comes back, it always does.

My goal isn't to kill my sense of self and live without fear. My goal is to develop a sense of self strong enough to withstand the fear, and the dread, and the awe, and the sheer possibility of life, and come out the other side intact. I don't just want to live in the moment, I want to take the moment and make it a part of myself. I want to graft experiences onto myself, and digest them, and share them with others. I want to take the fear, and awe, and possibility, and wield it. I want to make the moment that others experience. But that's just me.

[Onkruid]

Oh hell yeah, another rock to push up on a sunday morning

[chriswilliams]

The relationship between thought and uncertainty is indeed tumoultous and rocky. We as humans are like kids stuck between the parents with a broken marriage, constantly fearing what lies ahead or rather how different things could potentially become.

[joshavery]

Looking at the fear of living through the psychedelics lens is fascinating.
People can experience "ego death" while tripping; it's a complete loss of a sense of self. In this state, one is directly faced with the incomprehensible and absurd. The "goal" is to release your fear and live completely in the now, however insane it may seem or however helpless you may feel.
That experience sounded a hell of a lot like you described any other moment, tripping or not. Living in the present is absurd and incomprehensible. It's hard to let go. But when you're able to, beautiful things happen.

[LeakyOrifices]

I was watching this in the kitchen while doing some work and the part about sorrow for encountering the world “as it is” made me want to pause the video and let the point you were making marinate a bit.

It made me think of how I got bullied relentlessly in school through the near entirety of my compulsory education years. Thinking about that made be have to confront the feelings I associate with that fact pretty head on and I cried a bit.

Immediately as I was doing this, I realised the radio was on (y’know, just as idle background noise) and it was playing Mambo No. 5. I immediately found the contrast of the situation very funny and laughed while crying at the absurdity of this meta-meta situation I experienced just as I was watching a video on this whole schtick.

This is the kind of human experience I want to etch into my very being. Just these little things that contrast deep, absurdly meaningless suffering and make such things a bit easier to live with.

[BossBelsham]

Patiently waiting for “the fear of dying” counterpart. Not being able to see out my goals or ambitions to the best of my ability is alarming.

[soullessvacuum]

That reminded me that I have absolutely no idea how to live my life anymore.

[proof-xxvv]

so that's why it feels so good after an intense workout session! i get into this state of almost zero thought and 100% observation. I become a lens in some sense in whih information simply flows through my senses withouth being interpreted or become muddied down by my own thoughts of the past. It feels amazing. And since i have intrusive thoughts (pure-OCD) that vanish after the workout session the contrast is even more stark. i don't feel fear, i don't feel anxiety but i feel only awe and true calm. This video summed what i have been trying to explain to my friends for the past three years.

[andrewcabrera]

One of my biggest fears is that I’m not actually cut out for it. Like I dream of being a writer, and in my head that dream can be realized and I can always imagine being an incredible writer. But if I try to write and end up being horrible, or can’t make ends meet once it comes to a point where I need to make actual sacrifices, suddenly the dream is dead. The only way I can assure it survives is by making sure it’s never realized.

[qbonqmz]

The thing holding me back in my journey I found to simply be myself. My own beliefs about myself and my beliefs about myself in relation to others. For the longest time one of my main beliefs was that I am worthless and deserve suffering and deserve to never be loved. Its all about how deeply you believe something. The world is made of pure consciousness and by simply imagining it and accepting it your world restructures itself to meet your beliefs. Every bad thing that has happened to me was necessary for me to get to this point.