The Fear of Happiness

It sounds peculiar but many of us are, beneath the surface, surprisingly scared of the one thing we all say we want: happiness. We can be remarkably skilled at dodging an emotion that is scary because it feels so unfamiliar and so illegal (for us). We should - of course - learn to outgrow our inhibition and give happiness the place it deserves in our lives.

FURTHER READING

“Given how much we all long to be happy, we might presume that accepting the possibility of happiness in our lives would be an uncomplicated, serene and automatic process. But for many of us, however theoretically attached we might be to the notion of being happy, the possibility of actually being so is liable to trigger deep ambivalence and fear. We would – it appears – often prefer to be worried and sad rather than attempt take on the risks surreptitiously connected in our minds with positive moods. We may – however paradoxical it sounds – be nothing less than afraid to be happy…”

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Watch more films on SELF in our playlist:

SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

David Crisp

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[indiehipstervibe]

Tbh I’m scared of being happy because whenever I got too happy or comfortable in the past, something bad would happen

[MsNovazz]

Seriously, i've never expected being adult is this hard. So many things to cope with. Anxiety, sadness, insecurities, pressure...

[frogdog]

“Calm doesn’t feel like what our tribe naturally does” MY WHOLE DAMN FAM

[chrismackerdush]

I was afraid to even watch this video, in case it somehow allowed me or gave me permission to feel happy. Thank you so much for making it.

[Inerize]

*We are afraid of our own potential and well being.* When we feel fulfilled, an automatic mechanism kicks in saying we are not enough and we don't deserve it. But that's 100% not true. We are capable and deserve happy lives. And its good to be reminded of that fact.

[jodam]

I’m scared of being genuinely happy because I know from the past that when I’m happy and something bad happens I take it twice as hard and can’t really cope with it. So if I stay continually flat or low, then it feels emotionally a lot safer for me. I think he addressed that in the video...

[Ledatru]

“Can’t become sad it you’re already always sad”

[titlespree]

*Happiness is not a destination*
The more you understand it, the more you lose your fear of happiness. Or any fear for that matter. Always remember that life is a constant cycle of good and bad times, and to thrive we must accept and learn to enjoy both. 💪

[Jaydoggy]

In my interactions with some people who have this trait, part of it is they're afraid to be happy because they've also been disappointed afterward - they're tired of outside sources (especially other people) letting them down in the forms of betraying them, BSing them, or taking advantage of them. When they've felt happy and let their guard down, that's when they've been hurt the most. They then embrace pessimism, with an unspoken philosophy of "If you don't have hope, you can't be disappointed." - and as a result, I fear they don't reach their full potential. They settle in a gray neutral one.

[PM-qrsy]

I scared of being happy because happy moments seem so fragile like everything could shatter in a second and whenever im too happy i feel like something bad is gonna happen soon

[Jane_under_a_tree_with_a_book]

This is it! I am depressed because my mother, who I loved, was depressed. I have learned to link love and normality to depression. Happiness makes me anxious and overwhelmed because it is not my default. Thank you for this video.

[phatato]

"“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."
- Marianne Williamson

[miavodopija]

Life has its ups and downs. That's why a lot of people are scared of being happy... because they know what's coming up next.

[ayingchanda]

Sofa with a banana mouth and walking legs? Now im happy

[hellogoodbye]

I think it's more the fear of losing happiness once we are happy.

[nikitaowen]

Oh my goodness. This video really resonated with me.
My mother taught me to expect the worst, and that if the worst doesn't happen then its a bonus.
She is constantly a victim and thinks the world owes her a favour.
I find myself feeling guilty for my achievements and lifestyle because she wasn't given these opportunities/didn't make anything of her life.
Wish there was a way to not feel this misplaced guilt and be truly happy.
Thank you for this video.

[BasementBerean]

1776: Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
2019: Happiness is pursuing me! How can I make it stop?!

[voluntaryist]

I learned I was sabotaging my happiness in the early '70s in therapy with Nathaniel Brandan. I ran negative scenarios on a loop. I got this from my mother. It still happens sometimes but now I am aware of it, which is the first step in stopping.

[ossen]

*Beware - happiness is a HIGH emotion, which means there is a LOW coming after that.*
Strive for attaining a PEACE of MIND instead and finding joy of life.

[MikeJackson]

Far too relatable. Wow. I have been brought up in an environment to worry, think the worst of things, people and situations and, as a result, have never learned to love myself. I'm addressing that now and have been improving lately but that's come at least 10 years too late! Better late than never...