Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski: The cure for burnout (hint: it isn't self-care) | TED

You may be experiencing burnout and not even know it, say authors (and sisters) Emily and Amelia Nagoski. In an introspective and deeply relatable conversation, they detail three telltale signs that stress is getting the best of you -- and share actionable ways to feel safe in your own body when you're burning out. (This conversation, hosted by TED curator Cloe Shasha Brooks, is part of TED's "How to Deal with Difficult Feelings" series.)

0:00 Intro
02:12 Three components of burnout
03:35 How to deal with your stress cycle
08:14 How to tell when you’re burning out
12:19 How to talk to your boss about burnout
14:00 The cure for burnout isn’t self-care -- and the first steps towards wellness

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[atejaskhandale]

The worst part about burnout is that people think it is laziness. If you were motivated before you will be again, just go through it ☺️

[phadenswandemil]

Everyone should be taught about burn out since they start school basically. Because students experience burnout too. It's just the result of the education system emphasising grades over everything. Hustle culture — all-nighters, pushing yourself to the limit — is glorified by society and students internalise these messages until they are unable to recognise when they are burned out. Because they think being emotionally exhausted means you're not trying hard enough.

I failed half of my classes this year when I got A's for half of my classes last year. So yeah, I know burn out all too well... It's ok though, I have the support of my family and I'm currently easing my way back to my studies after a month long break. I'm not sure if I'm prepared for the future though, (getting the results to my finals, deciding whether or not I should retake my exam, applying for university, etc) but I'm taking it one step at a time.

[jillian]

This was great. I really liked the point about how biologically, we need more than "self" care. We aren't meant to live independently and forcing ourselves into dealing with life alone is what leads us to burning out. Our brains aren't wired that way, everyone needs help and thats great! Thank you for sharing, really eye opening stuff.

[giveemelle]

"One of the things that is my little reminder to myself is that when I feel like I need more grit, what I actually need is more help. And when I look at Amelia's life and I think 'she needs more discipline, needs more perserverance, she needs to work harder'... what she actually needs is more kindness." 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Zapsstudio]

the fact that a perfect lecture is uploaded right when I need it fills me with determination

[sayrewilkin-dalby]

Wow. Hearing it described, "Unmeetable expectation and unceasing demand" is a perfectly succinct description. That's the definition of why my last job gave me such bad burnout it took almost a year after leaving for my brain to fully function again.

[liz]

"The cure is not self-care, it is all of us caring to each other". Self-care is a capitalist solution that pushes us to be as individualist as possible.

[honiideslysses]

I’ve been a chef for thirty years and the expectation for perfection, not only for yourself but your staff, as well, is always priority number one. Long hours on your feet in a hot kitchen without breaks is the norm. The food service industry is also notorious for belittling and berating behavior when things don’t go 100% not to mention sexual harassment, which in any other business would not be tolerated. It takes its toll on many of us to the point of physical and emotional exhaustion and in many cases leads to negative coping mechanisms. Drug and alcohol abuse are commonplace and in some extreme cases lead to suicide. Sadly this profession is difficult to leave so burnout is almost inevitable. Thanks for video.

[justinejones]

Wow. This video is PROFOUND and resonated deeply for me. My burnout is very real and I want nothing more than to recover, but my options are limited and I feel VERY isolated. I pray I can find my "bubble of love" that will help me get through this challenging time in life.

[IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

I used to deal with stress by cleaning my house (often dancing while cleaning my house) or walking (did it once or twice a day and always used the stairs and walked to talk with people versus using the phone). Then, I became disabled with ME/CFS where physical activity actually makes me sicker. What a kick in the pants.

[wille]

This says a lot about the work culture nowadays. If your burning yourself out to make someone rich then your making your quality of life poor. That includes business owners. We need to completely overhaul how work is done.

[babyboylovesmusic]

Best information ever received regarding burnout. Self-care does not help because if you're truly burnout (like I have been experiencing) there is no motivation to do anything. Sometimes, it is a total depletion, indifference, and apathy. I'm at the stage of removing some of the major issues causing the burnout. As far as work, I have been to the point of fantasizing about quitting and zero concern about the consequences. The acknowledgment to others about how much you hate your job - it's time to let it go.

[matthewdolan]

I feel like these are not good tips. If I’m burning out on a personal level (for me it would be school) I don’t feel like I need others to praise me or say they love me, I need to figure out how I can get back into my studies and regain that lost motivation. How can you fix burnout personally when these ladies are talking about fixing it at a cultural level? I’m not trying to rag on the speakers, and maybe I’m interpreting the video poorly, but I feel like these tips won’t help me or is that just me?

Edit: So if anyone sees this, it’s kind of a funny story. I put out a little rant against this video yesterday but then later THE SAME DAY, my mother call me and got me talking about feeling burnt. It definitely helped immensely just to talk and have her tell me to not be embarrassed about doing poorly. It definitely helped me to talk to her and let some stuff out. Just thought I’d put that out there.

[susanzoeckler]

When nothing else helps -- not meditation, a healthy snack, a walk with my dog, talking with a friend, nada .... I blast my favorite music & dance. This combo works EVERY TIME! 💃

[yiravarga]

Thank you. This answered so many difficult and impossible things for me. People like this speak the truth. Moving through whatever the nervous system is dealing with is the real deal. Not once did someone mention somatic experience, but that is entirely what they are talking about. We do need others who can support our efforts to move toward health and wholeness. Don’t do it alone. When you feel like the going gets rough, don’t get going, ask for others to join you in the getting going, ask for support.

[Sundayjean]

Sounds like a deeper understanding of self care - knowing what you need and being willing to do it.

[nel.]

For what I am currently through right now, the timing of this could not have been more perfect

Thank you for

[bigstevbowski]

The timing of this cannot be more of a sign for Me. Thanks for the determination!

[billwong]

This is great. I wish an occupational therapy practitioner is being interviewed as well. As a TEDx organizer who also is an occupational therapist, I think it will be good to reach out to some of my peers who address this issue from a healthcare professional's perspective.

[adriannamarszal]

For how closed emotionally they say their families were for over 30 years, it's wonderful to see these sisters connect on a deep emotional level and speak up about that :)