GUYS: find your UGLY DUCKLING, or: how to find a good woman

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And this one's for the guys! In this episode, I'm going to discuss a useful mate selection strategy for straight men. Rather than give your attention to the smokeshows (who can be very challenging to relate to), a better approach is to find your ugly duckling: a late-bloomer who passed through a period of self-development and character building. These women typically have more to offer and are significantly easier to have relationships with.

Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available on Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.

#dating #relationships #uglyduckling

[psychacks]

And this one's for the guys! In this episode, I'm going to discuss a useful mate selection strategy for straight men. Rather than give your attention to the smokeshows (who can be very challenging to relate to), a better approach is to find your ugly duckling: a late-bloomer who passed through a period of self-development and character building. These women typically have more to offer and are significantly easier to have relationships with.

Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available on Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.

#dating #relationships #uglyduckling

[maxk]

Advice from an old timer.

Don't be blinded by beauty. Search for a woman that can offer peace of mind in times of hardship( and there will be plenty)

Don't listen to what a woman says. Watch how she behaves in various situations.

[parkeschaffer]

I just lost my second wife to cancer after 38 years of total bliss. We were inseparable. When I lost her, I lost a big part of me. When I first met her, I thought she was attractive but not as beautiful as my first wife. But that was short lived, as over time she became the most beautiful woman in the world as she was so beautiful through and through. Smart, talented, giving, and fun to be with always. It struck in my latter years with her, that if I happened to see her when I didn’t expect to see her, my heart would leap. I know that sounds so corny but I don’t how else to say it. We loved each with our whole beings.

[justmyopinion]

Remember this: Good looks fade, but a good heart doesn’t. ❤

[theempress]

I'm an ugly duckling type and this is true. I was convinced as a kid that I would never be beautiful so I should be smart. And because back then I wasnt preoccupied with looking good I cultivated my interests and read a lot of books. Also, I feel this ugly duckling phase made me more empathetic too.

[mizzwitty]

Like my father used to say: "beauty vanishes but stupidity remains".
Pick a loving and good character over beauty.

[aaaddd]

You will live with woman's beauty for a few months, but you will live with her personality for the rest of you life .
Choose carefully and don't let the beauty deceive you .

[peqghgk]

100% Just gone through this now. Came out of a relationship with who I thought was an incredibly attractive woman, I had liked her for years but never thought I had a chance. Ended up getting together and I worshipped the ground she walked on, every morning I woke up and I couldn't believe I was with her. It made it very easy to want to be with her, in spite of all of their narcissistic traits and character flaws. It turned out she had a very sporadic work schedule, mountains of debt, no prospects for a future. All the while, there were many plan B's lined up for her, and she would never allow me to ask so much as a question about another dude without taking a 4 days break from eachother.
Met a different woman afterward, I had more affection in the first 2 weeks than in all of that previous relationship. First thing she did was be open and transparent, cut off any of the dating residuals, she has a career, we have been away and done more in this time. She can't do enough for me, and I would never dream of making the same mistake again.

[Kat-sxdd]

I married my husband at 21. I had 1 boyfriend in high school but that was the extent of male interest I got in my youth. I didn't feel ugly but I was tomboyish and acted more masculine back then, and so it didn't attract guys. I really wanted to find my person before graduating college, so I tried to be more feminine and eventually found my husband online.

10 years of marriage later we are very happy, and he tells me I am "aging like fine wine." And that "I keep getting hotter." I always felt desired by him but it's a whole new level in my 30s and it's made me feel amazing and lucky to have a husband who tells me those things.

[uunnoov]

Shout out to the late bloomers, we got the best of both worlds. Nothing is more attractive than a beautiful woman with humility… *incoming projection below*

[eternalNostalgia]

This is so accurate. The woman I am currently in a relationship with is not the most attractive one, but one of the most humble and giving ones I met in my life. Full of love, transparent, caring and giving.

[ToweringTimoth]

I married an ugly duckling. She blossomed into a beautiful swan, then adopted woke philosophy and "don't need no man" anymore... So good luck everyone.

[MrFuchew]

Find a 5 or 6 that you are attracted to sexually. If you like boobs, butts, smiles, long blond hair, whatever the case may be. Choose a woman with that attribute and forget the full package. Don't date the hottest girl possible to try to signal status to other men. Be exceptional by yourself. You know you don't need that 10 to be attracted to your woman. That's not for your sexual desire, it's for status.

[myheart]

A+++ Doc! I agree that everyone (men and women) would benefit from dating and putting less emphasis on physical attraction. However, this lesson is learned when people are mature enough. If you try telling a young kid this 😂

[rollingtinfist]

Great video. Reminds me of a girl I was sweet on in middle school.

She wasn’t conventionally attractive by US standards at the time, but today one might refer to her as “exotic”. She was a bit robust then and eccentric, but I liked her nonetheless.

I thought she was beautiful. Nobody agreed with me, and would ask me what the heck I saw in her given the other girls I knew. I couldn’t explain it, she just did it for me. Plus, she was always kind, and pleasant, with a nice sense of humor.

In any case, she was interest in my buddy, who of course had zero interest in her and told her so.

It was funny. I liked her, she liked him, he liked his dog, and his dog liked me 😅. The mutt would hump my leg on sight.

Anyway, we all went to different high schools and that was that.

Decades later a coworker and I happen to be talking about what we were going to do on the weekend, and she mentioned she would be hanging with a friend (same name as my former classmate).

My classmate had a very unique name, so I mentioned her last name. Sure enough, same person.

When I got home, I received a friend request from my former classmate.

We reconnected and I was blown away. Turns out after some prodding in high school she became a model and (later) a fitness instructor. She still had the same awesome personality and way with words.

[TheSpecialJ]

Unironically this is my entire dating strategy, because I think these are the only women I'm truly capable of loving. I love beautiful women, but if she's not more beautiful on the inside than outside, the juice is not worth the squeeze. For her to be beautiful in both ways, she probably was once an ugly duckling. I've met very few women who have been beautiful their whole lives and cultivated any virtue in themselves beyond what disposition they were born with.

[codyhenrichs]

My 2nd husband and I are friends and have kept in touch since our 2010 parting of ways as a couple. He shares key points of his life with me. His girlfriend recently had some heath problems and he asked me to pray for her. I contacted several people and started a prayer circle for her. He says he will always be there for me as a friend and this is a gift I treasure.

[kate]

I find this interesting. Me and my sister were very late bloomers. I do feel a bit more humble then a lot of other attractive woman out there (yes I know I am attractive and damn I think I earned it from where I started at), and in general feel I have a different insight because of the struggles I went through (very awkward stages lol). I also feel more empathetic towards others because of it. As a woman “ugly duckling” I think this is smart advice. I see a lot of very attractive women out for men for the wrong reasons. I lost a lot of weight and it was actually hard for me to understand for a long time the extra attention I was receiving after wards in regard to opposite sex. I never felt I was anything special. Definitely a different insight now at 33 then when I was an ugly duckling at 10-20

[helenhighwater]

One reason beautiful women can be entitled and shallow is that they are constantly getting attention and approval just because of their looks rather than their character. It often starts during childhood, always being told they're pretty and not getting recognized for anything else. Had an acquaintance like that. No matter where we were, some complete stranger would come up to her and compliment her on her looks and engage her in conversation which she reveled in, in fact if this did not happen she would start getting nervous and prickly. It was as though she was addicted to the attention. Sad, ended up in abusive relationships with men.

[williamhurst]

I married my wife at 56 and she could be what many men would consider to be an "Ugly Duckling". However, after being married to her for 18+ years which have been the 18 most stable years of my life, I will agree with the premise of finding an ugly duckling. If I were a young guy, and knew what I know now, in my mid 70's, I would avoid "Beauty Queens" like the plague.