Narcissists and the sunk cost fallacy

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[NarcSurvivor]

The narcissist always leaves with more than they came in with, while the victim always leaves with less.

[sparkygump]

A narcisistic relationship is like a bad investment. You keep putting more time, money and energy into it hoping things will turn around for the better but it never does. You stay until until there is nothing left.

[ardent]

My heart goes out to anyone who stays for the years they invested, or years you spent being stuck and unable to leave. I pray that you can find the courage, strength, and finances to get out and stay out.

[dyoung]

I think that I’ve stayed too long because the empathetic side of me refused to believe that someone could be that evil. Ive definitely put more in than I’ve gotten back. Channels like this have helped me see the light.

[talkinfanci]

The last discard happened on vacation. We drove my car 755miles away from home. The narc drove as I slept.. We got there Friday evening the narc had a tantrum for some unknown reason I had enough as the narc raged she suggested I leave her bc she knew I’d act up 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️after all the unnecessary shouting & anxiety attacks I had I ended up leaving her the next morning headed back home. 10hrs I drove pissed off. After 7 yrs of trying & $200 in gas for a bum trip I’m done & I went no contact it’s a month now.

[jillybeans.]

After 32 years of marriage and trying to make it work….”it’ll get better” etc etc, I finally called it quits, knowing that I wasn’t getting any younger. My primary motivation was that I have 3 to 4 decades left and I wasn’t gonna waste them with him. Basically, I focused not on what I had lost, but on what I had to gain… my future, Narc free!

[SarahRenz]

I went No Contact on a long time narc friend when she committed a series of egregious acts and I finally realized I wasn't getting what I needed out of the relationship and likely never would. Months later, she sent me a Christmas card with a handwritten note inside -- no apology for her part in the rift, just "It's a shame to throw away a friendship of nearly 20 years..." It felt very gaslight-y, and I also remember thinking, "I don't care how long we've known each other. I don't want to spend another minute with you if you're going to behave the same way." I never replied, and she's never tried to get back in touch. My social life is lacking; but as I like to say, I'd rather be lonely than miserable.

[navypatriot]

Dr. Ramani, you are talking straight to me. I kept investing and convincing myself that our marriage would get better. I tried to get out several times, but the guilt was overwhelming. Thanks to you, I finally, after 28 years, left my husband to begin healing. It has only been six weeks; it is hard, but I am never going back.

[klfannbbb]

I have a degree in economics, and this is a great explanation of sunk cost. It applies so well to relationships! Time truly is our most precious resource.

[jannlewandowski]

Hi Dr Ramani... The amt of money that I spent on him will never be replaced. I'm almost 11 years out, and I'm at peace now. He made TWICE as much as me, but I paid for all our dinners, and over 1/2 of Vacations. I don't miss him at all! Have a great day, everyone!RUN FROM THE NARC!!

[leonellie]

this brings a trip memmory come to mind- He was teling me how much he hated my voice, my mouth, me in I just said I'm not coming to your dads house (another cluster b) you just got done telling me how much you hate everything about me and you now want me to sit a car with you for 4 hours and then the weekend just being quite.... my kids saying come on mom sure they wanted me as a buffer... I was like no thanks have fun without I stayed home finally....

[moonhunter]

this applies to all toxic relationships and friendships... also career choices.

[snoopy]

I felt like I wasted my time. Time I will never get back. I'm glad I left.

[jonanon]

I didn't want to leave my ex because I didn't want to have to start at the very beginning of a new relationship - it seemed like I was loosing all those years of developing our relationship.
Later I realised our relationship had not developed at all after the 1st year of the 20 years we were together.
That realisation was very sad, but helped me move on with hope for a future relationship being much better, even after the 1 year mark.

[tigerprayers]

I learned in my business career that "sunk costs are irrelevant" in future decision making. I cannot begin to tell you how often that pearl of wisdom has been useful to me.

[leahg]

I was in marriage counseling with my narcissist husband. He only went after I started setting boundaries and it was his half-assed attempt to hoover. Our marriage counselor bought up "you guys have already been together 9 yrs, it would be a shame to throw that away" Luckily I had just learned about the sunken cost fallacy ( same thing that causes people to not pull pull out of unsuccessful investment. ) I never went back to that therapist, filed for divorce soon after.

[dianabailey]

My only regret is that I didn't leave sooner!

[RASHMITHEONE]

The most underrated channel I’ve ever seen with honest things told in every video of hers! 🥰.

[sunflower]

Sunk coast got me so 6 months of horrendous rushed into marriage turned into 4 years of violence. A move across the world!
Dr Romani that blue looks beautiful on you. You look beautiful.

[MrUppertorso]

It’s kinda funny how this idea flowed into something totally unrelated for me. I do art, and when putting together a piece, sometimes it doesn’t work out, and I don’t notice until it’s already partially finished. Mentors will emphasize that it’s okay to start clean and try again even if you’ve already put time and work in. It’s just not worth it to keep plowing away at the details of something that doesn’t have good foundation. Having that perspective totally helps me deal with sunk cost fallacy feelings for any situation. It’s not a failure to start over and try again when looking for our ideal vision.