Why you SHOULDN'T follow what 'feels good'

In this video I’m going to talk about 4 reasons why you shouldn’t follow what feels good. I know, this is quite a controversial thing to say in a society that’s just obsessed with following what feels good and following your heart. In this video I’m telling more about it and hopefully help you with all the confusion around this topic and around these phrases!

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The Healed & Happy online program is now OPEN:

Heal your fearful avoidant attachment style
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I'm always looking for ways to help you in your healing journey. These healing cards reveal what it looks and feels like to be healed. These are the affirmations that will make healing the fearful avoidant attachment style so much easier. You can use these as the background of your phone, or print them out and hang them anywhere.

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WHAT IS FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
HOW TO HEAL THE FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
THE ONE THING I DID TO HEAL
SUBSCRIBE TO THIS CHANNEL
6 LESSER KNOWN CAUSES OF FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE

--- CONTENTS ---

00:00 Intro
02:42 You’re used to a dopamine hit, but it’s definitely not something you should follow
06:58 You haven’t learned to listen to your body and what it needs
09:30 Believing that something outside of you will make you happy
13:48 You are not a slave to your feelings

#fearfulavoidant #healingattachmentstyle #attachmentstyle #paulientimmer

[Alassandros]

Man... This sounds so much like my ex-gf. Unfortunately, she never sought help and ultimately left me when we were planning to start a family and new life in a new country.

I don't know if she ever got help, but I pray for her healing. I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone else. I still do. I miss and dream of her everyday. I'll never fully understand why she left when she still loved me.

[Adam]

This video might have saved my relationship and actually changed my life. Thank you

[silverandcoldone]

Hey Pauline, I've been binge-watching your videos for about a month now because they bring me a lot of solace in a whirlwind of a breakup. I'm a securely attached woman who was dating this 26 yo fearful avoidant man that I thought was everything I wanted. I had been aware of attachment theory before him, with me - second date is actually them taking an attachment style quiz so that I know what to expect and help us both navigate it. That relationship was good, great even, my nervous system was so calm around him. Until he started sabotaging our relationship. Most of his sabotage I deflected, I reasoned with him about, but then the things he would say or do, the intrusive thoughts that needn't have been said or being late and unreachable for hours, started to get to me and make me anxious. He lives his life like an adolescent, his mother is very enmeshed with him and controlling (to the point he cant wear an earring she doesnt like...). I made the mistake of agreeing to finally meet his parents at 3 month mark and he broke up with me the next week - I believe his mother got into his head about me. It was a breakup coming straight from amygdala. I tried to reason with him but he is most definitely addicted to dopamine. When he told me he wasn't in love with me he justified it with all the same beliefs you said you had held - how i must not be the one if he isnt always happy, how he is somehow able to focus on other things without being obsessed with me so it must not be love and how love was a feeling. The final punch was that he said he trusted his mother's intuition. I guess I just want you to know that your videos give me a bittersweet sense of hope that he may one day find peace. He was chaos and I know I was flawed but I also know I was so good for him. I wish he hadn't chosen the familiarity of dysfunction.

[dudehaley]

These videos are so amazing, thank you so much for sharing your healing journey. I really appreciate you doing this work to support other people in growth and connection <3

[_memo_]

I wish I could like this video twice! I legit feel like you were talking about me throughout this video. Great content!

[FAITHHCHI]

I’m so grateful for stumbling across your channel! Super helpful

[aliv]

Gosh...you're amazing!! Thank you for these clips.

[laksuh]

Whenever I feel dopamine while dating someone I know it won't work out. Whenever I feel guilty when dating someone I know it can work out but I am the reason it won't

[anitayougotit]

Thank you sooo much, this makes so much sense! Thank you thank you thank you!
It happened to me too. I thought/felt I have to breake up with my former partner and I did.
In the end I am greatful for the new experience that came through that, but thanks to you a few months after I found out, that I have that fearful avoidant style and that changed my whole perspektive and I could start my healing journey. <3 I was really sorry for my partner that I left him. He never blamed me, he always trusted my steps but now I realized this, it made so much space for the love that was still there for him, for me, for us. And now we where thousands of kilometers apart. Even continents.
And now I even found a new partner. (Without looking for that) And I'm so glad because it's again a beautiful healthy relationship. I still still still have symptoms of the fearful avoidant, but now I observe them rather then think that they are me.
But still I'm in contact with my previous partner, still sorry that I left him. I'm not getting lost in thoughts like, "what if...". I really trusts Gods/Lifes plan.
But my thought just now was, do I have to finish something with my old partner to be able to open up completely to my new? What does it have to do with each other. I really want to be able to just surrender to my new partner. But also I want to be present and not force anything. :)
Wanna make everything "right" :D <3
Thank you for everything Paulien.

[nikstar]

Oh my gosh I did this in my last relationship; I felt like I had one foot out the door the whole time… I was dumped by him egg catalysed this whole journey 4 years ago. I’m too scared to get close to anyone in any way.. you are the best Paulien xx

[aciddiver]

Seems like everyone but me, gets better.

[pahuljica]

Pauline, you look like an angel and you talk like an angel. 😇⭐Listening to you right now, just before going to sleep is my lullaby. I hear so much wisdom coming out of your mouth and no wonder you feel so passionate about the topic, I fully reasonate with all you're saying. I used to be so triggered when my friends told me about their love stories, the passion and everything, it took me a long time to realize that that is not me, or at least not my path to get there, because I am not the type to fully surrender, to fall in love without a second thought and I don't have to be them for my love story to be worth it. Thank you, Pauline, I admire you so much ♥️♥️♥️

[haihai]

Love your work. After you went trought fearfull avoidant you become almost like spiritual master or a mini budda...

[ericadams]

I know the exact feeling your talking about.

[TimeWaveOfficial]

does no contact work on fearful avoidant? i know it is for me to heal, but i want my other FA ex gf back (she threw 10 years away because she loved me but had no feelings anymore, btw she monkeybranched and she broke up)

[valeweathers]

Your titles can be SO scary and sometimes I'm afraid I'll get triggered. But I should know better by now.