How to Stop Beating Yourself Up Over Mistakes

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WE WROTE A SONG!!
Get the “The Fish Song” on...

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Music Credit for "How to Stop Beating Yourself Up Over Mistakes:"
"The Show Must Be Go”
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

[lexafromhowtoadhd]

A few days after we finished writing and filming this, I messed something up and started beating myself up over that. Then I remembered that we had just written this episode, and so I thought "What a hypocrite! You just wrote an episode on self-compassion and you're not doing it!"

I had to remind myself that judgments are normal and they are going to happen, and that I can acknowledge them and move on instead of dwelling on them or beating myself up over them.

[samanthajohnson]

Does anyone else have a lot of compassion for other people but almost none for themselves? I’m harder on myself than anyone else is on me in my life. I’m trying to change but gosh it’s hard.

[nonsensepoem]

I most often heard, "You can do so much better than this, " which perhaps unintentionally implied that my mistakes were evidence of laziness, regardless of my level of effort. Utterly demoralizing.

[tasuki]

I forgot to pay the water bill and our water got turned off yesterday. I cringed all morning expecting my family to yell and come down on me... so I came down on myself first. I beat myself up for 3 hours before the woke up and realized what happened.
To my shock, the first time in my LIFE.. no lectures.
Just understanding. Yes, I had the money. Okay, so lets go fix it. The water was back on in a few hours and it was hardly noticeable, barely an inconvenience! XD
But I still cried.. because I was met with love and understanding instead of criticizing and put downs.
It made the whole situation seem so... mild.
When usually it would feel like a tragedy!

[evelyngrace]

From a life time of hearing “try harder” It’s nice to hear, “you’re trying hard” every once and a while

[ThePurplehazie]

Why do I find myself crying when I watch these videos? Because I'm almost 60 and ADHD has affected my life so much that I feel misunderstood and defeated most of the time.

[treason]

I just wanted to say thank you for having this channel. It's literally saved my life.

[mileyrocks]

“Give yourself the kindness you’d give a friend”








I’m crying, why don’t I ever think of that?

[SherlaiStevenson]

Reading these comments is like having a virtual support group who all understand what I go through on a daily basis
Thank you for making this video!

[Sara-vnkz]

My meds are wearing off and I'm at the end of a work day. I tried watching but couldn't focus enough to understand. I gave you a thumbs up anyway because I know that all your videos bring help to brains and hearts alike. I'll have to watch this again when I have more mental energy. Thanks Jess!

[animaticvee]

It's really telling how ingrained this is when my first reaction was: "I don't deserve to be kind to myself." I often "jokingly" say that I hate myself or put myself down in front of my 2.5 year old and it's an example that I need to stop setting for her. I feel a deep resistance inside for trying this, but I'll try.

[iLuvNeiL]

-Starts beating everyone else up and not just yourself -

NO DUCKIE! THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE MEANT!

[mavicityrelayson]

GAH. I'm currently in an I-messed-up moment and I'm struggling to be kind to myself. When you have insecure attachment, well, it's extra hard to show self-appreciation. I feel like I failed the whole entire world and that the whole world hates me. Just finished my very late deadline. It's 3am where I'm at and it's literally dark and stormy outside. Thanks for this little ray of sunshine.

[Mucky]

Thank you for doing this show. My 8yr old daughter has ADHD and is struggling with what it means, beating herself up, and wishing she didn't have it. I introduced her to your show and she enjoys watching it. She requests to watch it almost daily. It's helping her (and myself) to better understand ADHD.

[danielkelley]

This may be one of the more important videos you’ve done. We are, more often than not, our own harshest critics. When I was growing up in the 70s and early 80s, there was no where near the understanding there is today. You can only be criticized so much before you internalize that feedback.

Even now, in my 50s, I’m very quick to be harsh to myself. I sometimes wonder if that’s why rates of drug and alcohol abuse are higher amongst the ADHD community. An escape from our criticism.

As always, thank you very much for what you do. Keep up the great work.

[mybinkscat]

Your channel helped me realize I was not stupid lazy etc. but most importantly not alone. Thank you!

[tobyisfunny]

I swear there's always a moment or two in your videos where I get teary-eyed when I realise that I'm not the only one who has these problems. Thanks for making them, I really enjoy them and they mean a lot to me.

[sessaraquel]

I haven’t even watched yet, but it literally brought tears to my eyes when the notification for this video popped up. I really need this, This is a God-send right now, thank you.

[dead-cohr]

oof i was JUST struggling with this exact concept bless you 😖

[Kylee_Meera]

Literally in the throes of this right now. I just finished my bachelor's this week which means its finally time to change careers. I've never felt less competent or confident. I keep thinking that in a pile of applicants there's no way I am the one most qualified and that makes me feel like it's not worth trying.