Splitting; A Primary Defense Mechanism of Narcissists and Borderlines! |Shannon Petrovich LCSW

Splitting is the all or nothing, love or hate, idealize or devalue, enmeshment or abandonment defense mechanism frequently used by people with Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality. Because it is one of the cornerstones of the defense mechanisms we see in these personality disorders, it’s crucial to understand what it is and how to stay out of it’s crazy-making snares.
Often I am asked if I can do individual sessions with viewers, and unfortunately due to time constraints and licensing regs, I can't help everyone who wants and needs a therapist of their own. Betterhelp offers a way to help you get affordable, professional, online therapy. BetterHelp can match you with a licensed therapist, who you can connect with by video conference, phone, text, or livechat. You'll be matched within 48 hours and if for any reason you'd like to switch counselors, you can do so completely free of charge right through the app. This is a worldwide service and financial aid is available.
This is an affiliate link in which I may receive compensation from Betterhelp. Please let me know how it goes if you use this service! Best to you all always, Shannon

[tetonchill]

I'm divorcing a bpd/npd man after 27 years of marriage. Listening to your videos has allowed me to see his patterns and realize why no matter what I did to try and make it work, it would end up the same. Thank you!!

[penelopelambson]

New term for me. Splitting. Makes sense..When something splits, there are only two sides and no middle ground.
Narcs are extremely clever in working this program. Gaslighting when confronted. Blame shifting.
Glad you said “ save your self and get out “.
I see one hang up with this and that’s the hook of trauma bonding that keeps false hope alive ... in captivity. Walking away can be very hard. The emotional, psychological enmeshment can be like chains.

[goodgracious]

Please consider doing a video on how narc survivors can forgive "themselves" after being in an abusive narcissistic relationship. I wasted so much time in a total fog with my narc-ex. He was a very angry, disturbed and illogical man in private. But had a positive, happy-go-lucky public persona. Although I now realize I had very poor emotional boundaries and suffered with severe cognitive dissonance, I still feel very angry at myself for allowing myself to be abused in such a mind- bending, manipulative way.

[hoth]

This all makes sense...the whole relationship was so unstable and I never knew whether I was coming or going. He at times made out he was in love with me, then literally felt line he hated me. Nothing I did was right in the end..it was torture.

[anthonywelsh]

You explain things so easy means a lot as I’ve only just broke up after 7 yrs I’m trying get my head around this narcissist thing even though I know she is all this stuff it’s so hard walk away I still love her dearly but the pain hurt heartache with her is unbearable some days so thank you fir your insight & ability to explain so much in such short space of time your knowledge into narcissist abuse is helping me so much, even though I’m heartbroken so thank you, I’ve watched many people on here to do with or explaining narcissist but your the best by far, you just put it so easy thank you so much God bless

[stacyyoust]

Thanks, there was never any hope, nothing I could have said or done...

[gratitude]

Awesome information I'm really growing stronger from your video's thanks so much for sharing 🤗

[LisaRichards_]

Great video.That explains so much.
I’ve known about splitting for many years, but I never about it terms of discarding, except in borderlines.
I figured out a while back narcissists use black and white thinking as a rational to feel superior to others.
For example, a narcissist can use black and white thinking to feel superior to all Democrats, or to all non-Christians, or to all people of a particular race or to women.
That is a pretty big ego boost that they can self-inflate themselves with, because they have so many people to feel superior to.
I never knew that splitting was actually associated with narcissism. Interesting, very interesting.
It seems that due to their narcissistic entitlement, and their need for power and control over others, that narcissists also devalue anyone that violates, threatens, or somehow questions their role as the sole authority, and the dominating force in the environment around them.
Often, if you so much as express a thought, no matter how well intended, no matter how innocent, and no matter how relational it is, if it is not what the narcissist wants, a rage will immediately ensue— often followed by some sort of punishment.
Sometimes this doesn’t happen, because of future faking on the part of the narcissist. In that situation, the narcissist will pretend to agree with you.
Whether it is intentional or not, to put into question the complete authority of the narcissist will always cause a rage.
If you express any self-autonomy that is not 100% in accordance with what the narcissist wants, both immediately, and without explanation, you are cast in the bad category.
When this happens The narcissist does not stop to consider your rights, or even stop to ascertain if you are right.
It is an automatic reaction.
It very much seems as if they go into a default setting.
After the love bonding phase, the only one that is allowed to have any thoughts, needs, wants, necessities, or very often, even ideas or opinions of their own, is the narcissist.
Thank you for this really great video.

[nancygreydee]

My children and I were and continue to be on receiving end of my narcissistic ex husband split personality abuse
Yes it is crazy making at it’s extreme!!

[carloloturco]

Please do a video on the Aging narcissist that can't find a victim any longer

[belindametz]

Thank you for your clear expression of these disorders. You’ve described 2 family members and another 2 people I knew-and I’m a abuse of narcissism abuse survivor into thriving through Quantum healing. It is truly so helpful to listen to your posts even now because as you know unless they get help it’s an ongoing crazy making and when one detached to get their own healing away from them-even then they will script that with a brutality of lies non truths as to why you broke free. Thank you so very much.

[maslinebere]

You nailed it. Threatening ending the relationship any time, even for a small disagreement. You validated me 😍😍

[leeboriack]

Shannon, please consider a series on recovering and rebuilding as an adult child raised by a BPD - Narcissist couple. A workbook on assessing one's current emotional intelligence level and how to develope a balanced emotional intelligence or social skills.

[elisabethdrake]

Your videos are really helping me. Thank you for making them and sharing your knowledge an insight.

[eaumartineau]

All of these labels for a wounded neglected baby grew up to be dysfunctional. What a sad story.

[tessw]

I believe also Borderlines, ( *SOME* ) have a weird fear of closeness too. They can fear abandonment and closeness at the same time. I guess it all really boils down to fear of abandonment though, the fear of closeness is just the flip side of the coin.
So when they get close to someone, they can use splitting as a way to halt the relationship. They'll twist many neutral interactions as an evil conspiracy against them, a contrived reason to push the person away. Their feelings are therefore facts. That's one of the most frustrating things to deal with in a person who suffers from BPD.

[jwlee]

Just got out of a relationship with a woman who ticks all the boxes for a Covert Narc who uses this crazy-making splitting mechanism. Thank God I saw the light

[Amyliz]

I wish I had seen these before my marriage...

[michaeljensen]

This type of immature thinking is evident in our current political climate. All issues have been reduced to polar extremes without any nuance or consideration of complexity.

[barbaramarshall]

I had no idea what I was dealing with when my mum said it's her way or the highway. It was mostly when she left after causing yet again more emotional upheaval, rage and distress. I had to finally figure out what was going on, on my own after my daughter told me how she was manipulated and in the end I did diagnose NPD. My mum isn't going to see someone as she thinks I'm the problem. Seriously as much as I love her and don't want to see her hurt I actually think she's the one who is crazy. I'm done with it, I hope she can get some peace with the quiet she is getting. My family with special needs including my son who is in a wheelchair with severe disabilities and my two daughters who are both autistic are more important as is our sanity.