How Not to be Boring

No one is ever boring: we just seem boring when we haven’t learnt the surprisingly easy art of being honest about our vulnerabilities.

FURTHER READING

“One of our great fears – which haunts us when we go into the world and socialise with others – is that we may, in our hearts, be really rather boring. But the good news, and a fundamental truth too, is that no one is ever truly boring. They are only in danger of coming across as such when they either fail to understand their deeper selves or don’t dare (or know how) to communicate them to others…”

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Watch more films on SELF in our playlist:

SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Ana Stefaniak

[mikeRoweSoftLee]

I am boring but never bored myself, thats what really matters to me

[RainierKine]

So just like art, our lives become less boring when we focus on our own inner details and know how to communicate it to the wider audience. Thanks.

[bolivar]

1. Here is a funny story: a friend of mine who teaches at a university used to complain saying that he was sick of seeing half of his students sleeping during his classes! Poor things were always bored to death. It may have something to do with the fact that he was teaching " Constitutional Law", but still, indeed a good teacher should be someone who can make any subject interesting.
So he finally decided to do something about it and arranged a meeting with a famous Austrian Professor, specialised in Pedagogy, to ask her for an advice. The first thing the woman said was:

- Are you also bored when you teach?

He said:

- Oh yes, absolutely!!!

It is a simple point but we all can learn something from this:

A bored person is boring and an " interested" person is interesting!

2. Most of us have no connection to our inner selves. The best way to make that connection is to be CURIOUS about ourselves. Just to wonder why we do what we do and why we think what we think. It can be really fun to look at yourself this way: with compassion and curiosity.

3. The closer you get to yourself, the closer you get to others. And we only need two things for this:

To find the right TOOLS to look inside.
To find the right WORDS to describe what we see.

TOOLS:

- The best tool I know is Alain de Botton's philosophical meditation. They have a video about it on this channel. Don't miss it! You could then print the questions below the video and go through them at least once a week. They are extremely helpful.

One tragic thing about almost all of us, is that we really don't know how to think. It is so difficult to think " clearly" about yourself. What we call "thinking" is often just " brooding". And we have all sorts of mechanisms to delude ourselves too. So it is great to have a clear question in front of you, to which you must find an answer without changing the subject!

If we learn to " talk to ourselves" in these very interesting and productive ways, we can hopefully do the same with other people too!

- Another great tool is Mindfulness Meditation. You could search for this on Itunes and start today:

UCLA Hammer Meditation.

( I have watched a lesson on Mindfulness from Yale University on youtube. The teacher there recommended these guided meditation podcasts. They are extremely helpful! )

And the best books I have read on meditation are:

Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill, by Matthieu Ricard
Mindfulness: An Eight Week Plan For Finding Peace in a Frantic World, by Mark Williams.

WORDS:

- Wittgenstein says:

" All I know is what I have words for".

In order to have more words at hand to describe how we feel, we need to read a lot of good books, poems, watch good movies, listen to beautiful songs, and listen to the people around us very well. After all, our stories may be very different, but we all suffer more less because of the same things.

4. Three excellent podcasts on how to listen and communicate well are:

Listening generously, Rachel Naomi Yemen with Krista Tippett
On Being with Krista Tippet, Kwami Anthony Appiah
BBC A Point of View, Alain de Botton on The Art of Conversation

5. A writer from Turkey, Ahmet Altan, says that the most interesting things people could say, are the things they don't dare to say and rather keep for themselves. What a pity really!

But he also adds that children don't have that kind of fear. And that's why when you talk to a child you can always hear something interesting!


6. It is so true that those who travelled the most or met famous folks etc., aren't necessarily the most interesting people. Once I had a coffee with a musician I knew, a few days after he came back from his South America tour. So I asked him how it all went. I thought it must have been a life changing experience!

But all he could say was:

- Oh, yeah, it was cool. Cool! It was so cool you know....

He had gone through an extraordinary experience but he didn't really " experience" anything!

He was the exact opposite of the painter in this beautiful lesson, who knew how to make something so valuable out of an ordinary ( at first sight ) experience!! That's why this quote by Rilke is so important:

" ...For believe me, the more one is, the richer is all that one experiences".


So our goal should be to become wiser, more sensitive and more profound, so that everything we experience can also become more meaningful. And if we feel the need to share all these, we won't be boring. At least to some people!

[Predding]

How not to be boring
1) find someone who doesn’t think your boring.
2) enjoy life as the person you are

[Brickkzz]

Sometimes a boring person is the one who talks about themselves all the time.

[beefnikku]

My assigned FBI agent recommended this for me... he knows me too well

[Ty-ubnc]

I never realized how much I just push my emotions down around others just because i feel like no one would care, or I would be recieved badly.

[davidkonevky]

I'm not necessarily boring, I'm just pretty scared to really talk about myself or what I like. Not only because it feels a little narcissistic, but I'm scared of that the outcome of revealing myself might not even help a smidge and just leave me vulnerable.

[jaxonlag]

"How Not to be Boring" Recommended for You Thanks YouTube

[anewloveofficial]

I sometimes get jealous to people who aren't afraid of showing their playful side because they are the kind of people that are always loved by many. They always entertain people with their company and it's a guarantee that there'll be no dull moments whenever you're with them. But maybe it's not too late to show the playfulness we got in ourselves because I'm sure, all of us had it but are just shy in showing it off.

[iamjohnporter]

This is why I had trouble making friends. They all think I'm boring and I don't talk much.

[lagansharma]

Conclusion: You become interesting by your ability to express and explain your feelings and emotions along with facts about any event.

[beccalibby]

How Not To Be Boring
*Recommended For You*







Wow YouTube I'm offended

[SomebodyLikeXeo]

I can express myself yet I'm still boring. The point is that I have nothing to talk about. When you meet new people it is fine. You don't know each other so you can just talk about your life and experiences. But after some time there is nothing you could say to each other. I realized this recently. I have nothing to talk about with my friends. I don't know how to start a conversation or rather to say what topic should I begin with. This is my issue. This is why I think I'm boring. I'm at a bar and ask a girl for a drink. We can talk for hours and she seems to be interested. Then when we get to know each other after a couple of dates I just don't know how to continue what shall I do next. This is the reason I'm boring.

[coziigurl]

I cried. I don't know how to get in touch with my feelings anymore.

[awaisraad]

I don't know why, but I fail to learn anything from these videos. I have been watching them, but I rarely get along.

[metal.kittens]

I don’t know how to talk to people. That makes me boring

[MrJBS]

If "no one is boring" like you've generalized, then boring people would be rare and fascinating.

[miui_burrito]

All my friends find me quirky, happy, optimistic, stubborn and always say that I ask the funniest and weirdest questions, but honestly if they all found out I’m actually boring I think I would have even less friends then I have now

[addiejuarez]

I got called boring so many times in high school I get trauma every time someone says it. It’s my most hated word. I am now afraid to talk about myself because people might say I’m boring. I had a phase of being a gossip because that seemed to really get people attention but the only reason I talked less in highschool was because I hated gossip. There’s really no telling with people