The Shocking Price Avoidants Pay When They Lose You

No one talks about this, but every time an avoidant loses someone, they pay a price. Now, it’s not the kind of price that is immediately apparent. It’s not even something they consciously recognize.

Avoidant’s don't just “move on” — they carry the weight of every loss with them for the rest of their lives, but not in the way you think.

[HurricaneQueen]

As a fearful avoidant I am tired of hearing the excuses for the challenging relationships we have; everyone has a messed up childhood, and that is not an excuse to break hearts & ruin lives! I decided to work on myself so I can heal and be the best partner that I can be one day so I am not ghosted by a fellow avoidant ever again because they were too lazy or selfish to work on themselves and heal too! Life is all about choices, and there is always a choice to do better & be better regardless of the past!

[coldbloodedreptile]

Dumped my avoidant ex after she came back from China. 30 days with no postcard, email, phone call or text. When she called and texted me, I returned the favor only for eternity. Now she can enjoy all the freedom she wants and I keep my sanity.

[BanFamilyVlogging]

This is why forcing babies to “self-soothe” by crying it out is abuse. 💔

[Tmlatyoutube]

I love my avoidant ex, but I don't want to be my partners mother or therapist. Im not responsible for their healing. They must make the choice to help themselves.

[idolbass]

A friend of mine gave me great advice, you'll never win an argument with crazy.

[adilhassan]

yes, Avoidant partners do change, but not with you, when they leave they change for a while and if you come back they are the same the other time they change is when they are in a relationship with someone even more avoidant than them, and they become anxious and that's how they change, but not for you, for them.

[guitarskooter]

Ex wife was quiet BPD and Fearful Avoidant. Spent 17 years with her. I was very secure. I think that's the only reason we were able to last so long. But over the years she slowly chipped away my boundaries and I did lose myself the last 5 years or so. But I pressed on each day. Finally it got to the point I pretty much lost myself and stood my ground on a last few boundaries, and she monkey branched to a bum. By that time I had started to lean AP or even FA a bit. My secure attachment may have improved her quite a bit, she was quite the mess when we first met, but ultimately she's still a mess. I don't think she will ever find what she thinks is out there. And at her age, I doubt she will find anyone willing to put in the effort. But hey, you never know I guess. In the meantime, I spent a year getting back to secure and am doing better than I have in a long time. Don't throw yourselves away for these people. You can have the biggest heart, I know I did, but you'll never fill their cup and you'll drain yours trying to. Find someone who will appreciate you and what you offer every day!

[walsie]

I've been an avoidant for 44 years but only learnt about this in the past few weeks. Fascinating stuff. Also explains so much about my past relationships. It's actually heartbreaking when you break up with someone only to realise that you love them deeply but they have moved on. It's like waking up from a dream and into a nightmare.

[albanobiancini]

I love the way you speak and explain everything. I was dumped by a da without a reason. Two days before, we sat at a fire. Her in my arms. Professing our love for each other. 2 days later, there is no reasoning. No explanations.... she said im not sure what to tell you." Watching your videos makes me feel better. Although heartbroken, i can't be sitting around hoping to help a person who does not want to be helped. Her mother is an absuive animal... she will forever chase her mother affection. I hope she finds love one day. Love her deeply

[gayleneflower]

"When the Avoidant loses a person...." NO! CORRECTION When they treat someone like sh**, pull back, ignore, cause undue stress/anxiety to others not to mention putting them quickly in therapy, , CHEAT, LIE, MANIPULATE, and then deny they have a problem...that's how the real intro should start here. Sorry, just my true thoughts and experiences, let's discuss Borderline Personality Disorder or something else. The "Attached" book was written a long time ago...Sorry Chris, just my true thoughts and experiences about Avoidants...

[r-kelsey]

I'm a dismissive. I'm at the beginning of trying to heal. Theses videos help me a lot.

[DavJKing]

Wasn't expecting this video to break my heart 😢😢 God save all children, help us treat each other better.

[AABTBS]

💔 Their AMBIVALENCE to connection is so brutal, almost violant in its force and nature, like this huge heavy pendulum that swings, like a wrecking ball that wrecks everything in sight, ie everyone around them, the more close you are to them, the more the injury you will suffer is brutal.
Their CHAOTIC emotional world regarding romantic relationship and true intimacy is truly unbearable to be around, they are all over the place all the time, ficlkle minded by the hour.
the hurt they cause is immense.
I truly feel sorry for them, for him - my avoidant, I cannot understand how he could give up on me, I was so attuned to his pace and need for autonomy as I need those for me too sometimes yet I am secure and patient, How could he let me go completely without missing me and reconnecting after I left him completely alone? He killed our connection. I hurt so bad every single day. The pain is immense. No therapy can help me with that. Help 😢

[Grace_Psychology]

Anxious attachment here 👋 anyone else?

[cmte]

Moral of the story: Every avoidant is messed up and selfish. Just give up on them.

[Flufero]

My FA ex monkey branched to another. He had planned to keep me as a friend. It didn’t work out like that. I declined and walked away without a tear or drama. I am his only ex who did not remain a friend. Radio silence forever for me. I think he thought I would always be in his life. Nope. I moved on and healed. I do watch videos occasionally. Never again!!!

[SuperCanonshooter]

“Hi! I’m an Avoidant! And I avoid dealing with my mental issues…So everyone that truly loves me is force to have mental issues too!”

[MarkLangweiler]

I was dumped after 10 years. She told friends I grounded her. Didn’t matter once she was triggered. I have been in no contact for 4 months. Trying to play it safe by staying away. She wanted to remain friends, I refused. I won’t enable her. This is hard but I know it’s the best thing for me.

[Vener]

I only just realized after this video how much I appreciate the effort and thoroughness you put into your videos. It doesn’t just focus on the topic at hand but you meticulously back it up with careful research so that in the end I am more enlightened, and knowledgeable, with a more holistic point of view. That what makes your content stand out from the masses for me.

[bluecoffee]

This girl I knew spent 2 YEARS obsessively fawning over her ex who SHE dumped.