I’m Obsessed with My Appearance — How Can I Stop?

Ask Pastor John
Episode: 1540

[cap]

I’ve slowly started dating a young lady who has such an enormous heart for the Lord and for others. That is the most attractive thing I see about her. When I talk to my dad I say how amazed that such a wonderful young women would even give me the time of day!! How grateful I am to the Lord everyday for the moment I get to spend with her!

[Ron-SA]

Such a great question that we secretly wonder about and wish to ask. Thanks to the young lady for asking this. Thanks Pastor John.

[DT-kxgu]

A very timely reminder for me. I just spent almost a day surfing online stores for skin care and makeup products, then i was notified by this new episode. God really loves us, he gently reminded me about this truth.

[nmm]

Shutting out the media whenever possible may also help. Be content with what God has given unto you

[SavedSis]

I want to be happy with my natural hair. After all it’s the hair God gave me. LORD help me I’m guilty of dealing with this.

[LGHhhhhh]

Thank you! I literally googled how to stop obsessing over my appearance yesterday 😂😂😂😂

[Hyumifu]

Oh my GOODNESS. 😭😂 The Lord spoke to me DIRECTLY through this.

[sofiabravo]

I was just asking Jesus help from this last night ...I’m 26 and so tired of obsessing over my physical experience. I’m just like that 19 year old... I tend to look in the mirror a lot because I want to be happy with what I see I try to fix what I call flaws in my mind (if my only my teeth were straight, my nose was smaller) and my irrational logic says that if I one day I am pleased with what I see then I will not focus so much on my exterior and would put more effort on Christ...

[justinbirkelo]

Lust in the heart of men turns them into evil, unabashed, self-consumed takers, who steal what is most precious; rather than virtuous, upright, sacrificial givers - desiring to have that which is not theirs to take. Lust in the heart of a woman turns them into vain, prideful, and pretentious snares, selfishly giving away what should be kept; rather than meek, quiet, and lovely receivers - desiring to be desired by those who should not desire them.

How tragic that we have failed to address this issue in the church today. Let us repent from this grievous and destructive sin.

Men, in particular. Rise up and speak the truth on this issue, in love, boldly. This falls back onto us, in the Church, O men of God. God will judge the cowardice that so many of us have displayed before Him openly. We are to protect, provide for, and preserve good amongst His people, and we have failed in this.

Enough. I'm tired of the boys. Get over the love for your own life, or stop pretending to love Christ while you watch the Church crumble as it is slowly infested by the rotting poison of the world.

Again, this falls back on us. Salt and light, men. Salt and light.

Repent.

[Lethargo]

Thank you Pastor John, and the team of desiringGod for your hard work, I thank God for you all.
I would just like to add to what Pastor John said for anyone watching, I encourage you to read the bible, and gain a God-focused perspective, and consider the commandments.
The world and humanity was created perfect and there was no death, therefore we Adam and Eve had perfect bodies AND they loved God with all their minds and bodies and souls.
Post-fall, sin comes into the world, now humanity is idolatrous, and death comes in also, along with genetic imperfections and diseases of all kinds.

So in our sinful bodies remains the idolatrous self, which worships the creature not God, and seeks it's own glory through what God created. Continued and overwhelming dissatisfaction over your appearance is a temptation to idolize yourself or sex and to seek glory from the approval of others. It is a problem of idolatry, therefore the cure is to believe in Christ, confess your sins against God and to commit your heart to loving God first.

Remember that happiness is not a zero sum game with God, because He is not limited in any way, but do not want a perfect body in this world, as it will be a body of sin, and making a sinful body stronger or more beautiful will only exacerbate the problem of pride, which is the very thing that God cures us from in the gospel. No one is perfectly happy with the way they look, ultimately because we do not trust God with our happiness as we should. All good things originate with Him, and He has only given good gifts to us. We are tempted to want to be self-sufficient, to desire approval and love from people, to be confident in ourselves. Remember that this is a body of sin, which must be crucified, not coddled.

Finally I will give my own example from my own life, I am also insecure about my appearance, and I am male. I've desired a slightly different body, with different attributes that I think, (or have thought), would make me happy. Obviously, I could sense the covetousness and the dissatisfaction within the desire. So, by God's grace, I didn't just shut it up inside, but I started to think about it biblically. The bible is sufficient to make us wise to understand and discern the problems of our hearts. As I started to sort it out, I saw that this insecurity came from deeper desires.

(This is how my monologue sort of went).
I want a different/more attractive body.

Why?

To gain attention from women.

Why do you want that? To get love and adoration and glory for me.

That is foolishness, as you've seen from solomons life, God's laws and your own experience with lust. The attention and love and adoration of women is nothing then, sense says that it is fickle at best. And if it is gained through sin, which it is, whether that is flirting or fornication or whatever, that is of no profit, it leads to judgement, condemnation.

Alright, marriage is the proper way, as God prescribed, He created my body, He knows the blueprint. But I'm still insecure, discontent, I want a better body than I have still.

Why?

To get my wife's love, to keep her attention on me.

What happens if you can't keep her? Whether this woman or any other or women?

I will be abandoned.

And that is the real issue, a fear of abandonment. So thank God for the gospel! Christ has purchased for us God's great promises.
He says: I will never leave you, nor forsake you.

Amen, yes, that's what I really need, to give this desire for safety and security to God, not to a human, which is idolatry. Whether a wife/husband stays or goes will not take my joy away, if it is rooted in God, as it should be.

Yes, and your desire to capture the heart of another person is idolatrous, consider how you will give your desire to safety to God, wouldn't a godly wife do the same?

Yes she would, and in that we would both be secure in God and free to love the other sacrificially. I will not lust or abandon my wife for another for mere body parts or affection or whatever reason, because I will know that true happiness comes from knowing God and walking in obedience before Him, submitting your desires to Him to be satisfied. And she will not seek her ultimate joy in my body or any other man anyway because she knows her God, and her joy is in Him.

So this is the key, fight covetousness, discontentment or anything that tries to steal your joy by believing that God is for you (read it in the bible, don't trust me), renewing your mind in His wisdom in His word, remembering the futility of your former sins, fight temptation, pursue obedience and faith and love and keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus, the hope of our hearts.

[yellow.marisa]

From a young woman: excellent question, excellent answer. Thank you!

[JessiV]

Thank you so so much to the young lady that asked the question, I have the same issue except I am 37! I have adhd and OCD. My issues with both weight and image has caused a great deal of problems in my life and relationships. I also have ptsd from being in abusive relationships too causing more issues . I wish that I could hug this young woman, and tell her all the things I wish someone told me at that age. Thank you pastor John so much for your wisdom ! I was a cosmologist for 8 yrs trying to help women see themselves better and make them acceptable to society . I HATED that I had to do that tho ! My intention was always to help them feel better about themselves but something never quite felt right about it . last August everything fell apart with my business, I had begun resenting my job ....the endless mirrors in my salon were literally killing me .I started hating the idea that I was contributing to this non sense even tho my intention was to help, the industry itself leaves no room for wanting to help" people . my prices got lower ...and lower ...and lower. Because i wanted to help them ! I could not say no when I KNOW how cruel the world is . even tho I was practically broke, my job was so much mor3 rewarding !! These women can't afford this stuff and I started seeing that my job is so bad ! I still tried to keep it together but guess what ....covid ultimately made me stop doing it.fortunately I had already given up my shop, my lease ended and I was getting raised double rent so I closed last Sept.THANK GOD because I would bE dealing with all that now ! I was working but under a mobile license until march of this year . now I have contemplated a complete career change, I want to help people, not make them worse and take their money. I became a Christian thus January, I know now that God was looking out for me even before that when I still had the salon .something inside ne pushed me to close ! Now I know why . any way lol sorry for the book but this hit so so close to home. If possible, can you guys do more videos on this subject and maybe we can pray about it together? Thank you either way ! I'm addicted to your channel lol you guys are amazing

[maurinedknyantika]

Greetings people. I heard this podcast and was drawn to the story about that missionary lady.
I was obsessed with my body that I hated mirrors from 9 to 35 years old. God delivered me to where am very happy with my body and whole being because the creation story in Genesis 1 is my affirmation that I made in his image and are very good in his eyes.
I look in the mirrors daily and see myself through God's eyes literarily and it makes me smile.
Men too can experience freedom from God's word.
Thanks pastor John for such a great insight.

[joseromero]

One of the best Ask Pastor Johns. It's not just women that struggle this. More men are. Especially young men, specifically with wanting to look like Marvel Super Heroes.

[doonagoding]

Absolutely one of the most BEAUTIFUL podcasts ever. ( from a 62 year old woman who also has MAKEUP video subscriptions! ). This is so very true! Loving God and others makes one way more beautiful than any man made concoction

[kingjunkyview]

I just want to thank you for this powerful message. Women are not the only people that struggle with this. Fitness and body dysmorphia are real struggles that many men won't admit to. Thank you for sharing!

[ondreatorrence]

One of the best ones I've heard . Man now I want to go be a missionary somewhere and just leave all this vanity behind ! God please help us here in america and other places full of vanity to see our true purpose, help us to see the value of our inner man and not just focus on our outward appearance. Amen

[ruyinli]

Thank God for letting me hear these stories at this moment.

[nab_lime]

Thank you for this response Pastor John. Many young girls (and any age really) need to hear this!

[jesusislord]

I’m the end, what will matter? Your appearance or your heart for God? He’s not going to judge you by your image but by your heart. Look, wanting to look pretty isn’t a bad thing, it becomes a bad thing once you put that over God. Many call it idolization, and many struggle with that, i struggled with that. So in all of this, your image of what you look like doesn’t matter to the king. It’s your heart, don’t feel like you have to look perfect all the time. Your already a perfect creation in Gods eyes!