'Why Do You Only Hang Out With Asians?”

Ohhhhhh man. I used to hate getting this question but I could never really explain why it always made me feel so weird. It wasn't until after I graduated from college where I finally figured out why it made me feel that way. I hope this video can help someone out there who has dealt with this too. You're not alone! :)

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[frequencyreached]

As a Black person I never understood that question and does come across that way. I see exclusive white groups all the time, how come no ever asks them the same thing?

[MilanToma]

i don't think the question is suggesting that there is something wrong with that. it's just that I, as the white person, want to be friends with you and seeing that you don't have any white friends makes me feel like we could never be friends because you'd refuse me.

[Grokford]

The question does not imply that White people are somehow better that's not the issue, the question does imply that with relatively few Asians in America having exclusively Asian friends is an anomaly without some other factor involved. Being around those who are culturally similar it a truly rewarding experience and if those are just who you end up with that's great but if you have friends exclusively from your background especially when it's rare to find people like that, it's possible that you just aren't open to people from different backgrounds or you just can't socially function with them. Which is.. bad to say the least.

[ORANGESNOWFLAKE]

These comments made me realize what others think about these Asian groups! I always tried to distance myself from hanging out with all-Asian groups but I also didn't feel welcome interacting with all whites - I thought they were judging me by my race. I was stuck between two cultures. Might sound like I'm dumb, but I'm happy to know that whites do want to be friends w us!!

[MichaelBerthelsen]

Having majored in both Chinese and Japanese, I've seen this a lot amongst exchange students, but not just Asian ones, also the 'non-Asian' ones once you're studying in Asia. I've asked this myself, many times, but never with the implication that it was inferior, merely that surrounding yourself with and exploring as many cultures as possible (within your comfort limits, of course) is something positive, that should be encouraged. Having lived in both China and Japan for extended periods of time, I often see classmates who refuse to adapt to the local cultures and have a miserable time for it. And it's all because they don't get to know the people around them, and it's sad that they are so narrow-minded despite culture and language being their majors...

I understand that it's easier to get to know people relateable to yourself and your own culture, but encouraging you to get to know others, and other cultures isn't a bad thing. But I WOULD argue that you'd be wrong to say that there's nothing wrong with only hanging out with people from your own group. I have a 妹妹 who would love to improve her English, hence studying in the US right now. She can't, because of the social pressure amongst the Chinese students at her university to ONLY hang out with THEM, and NOT other people. It's treated as if you're supposed to dedicate your time to hanging out with other Chinese.

And at that point, it's racist. (Yes, I realize that since I'm European, Scandinavian, I have a very different view of racism from Americans, who are constantly on the hunt for racism, even when there isn't any.) When you're actively discouraging people from spending time outside their own race or culture, when there's a social pressure towards that, that's a strong negative influence on the development of people's character. And that's a problem. So don't assume racism when someone asks you this, they may just be curious as to why you don't want to expand yourself. We should always be trying to be better people than we were, and that's one way of doing it: by learning more about the world outside the bubble we live in every day.

[Sktch_]

I'm a white person and I feel the exact same way. When I grew up I had only Asian friends for the first 6 years of my schooling, sure I had one white friend here and there, but I sat in the 'Asian' group and generally considered myself as part of their group only. My three best friends were asian and they still are today, despite being different people. I never even really recognised racial differences when I was younger, it was only when someone asked me in the first year of highschool, "Why do you only hang out with Asians?" that I even realised it. I didn't have an answer, thats just how it had always been and I had never even questioned it. I felt like I had to get more white friends, so I made more friends until II had atleast 5 white friends, still less then my 13 Asian friends, but who cares right? Well again I got the same quesiton from one of my Asian friends. I felt really uncomfertable, apparently hanging out with my best friends is weird just because I am white.... I just answered saying, "It doesn't matter to me." Because it doesn't make a difference. Maybe I relate easier to different cultures, so what? I've only ever made friends with people who I like, I don't care about race or ethnicity. If they are all Asian so what? Why is it anyone elses business anyway? Be friends with who you like.

[erinlowl]

I see where you're coming from, but I think it goes both ways. I've heard asians talk badly about other asian people for having mostly white friends and calling them the "white asian" as if they were betraying their culture/race but, in reality, they're just hanging out with their friends. 

[dianag]

I want to be friends with Asians but they look at me like WTF no and Im here like >~< whyyyy

[jessiere]

I am Italian American, and I have more Asian friends than white friends because they understand what it's like to be an immigrant. They also don't judge you for having a weird tradition or culture since they understand what it's like to be different in America. I do not have the typical American life style, I am in touch with my Italian culture. When I meet other Italians, they usually have been in America for generations, and aren't in touch with their ethnicity. That's why i find it easier to relate to Asians because most are really into their culture, and I know the feeling of it is hard to find white people who are Americanized that understand that you were raised In a different environment. Even though Italian and Asian culture doesn't have very many similarities, I feel like in a lot of cases foreign people have lots of things in common. Such as, being teased, being made fun of for your looks, language, accent, name, ect.

[dylankeith]

I think you're looking at it from the wrong angle. When people say that, they're not trying to give you a sense of shame that there's something wrong with hanging out with other Asians or that hanging out with White people would be preferable; they're just inquiring as to why you may section yourself off from so many other types of people. Every race can say that they could probably relate to other people within their own race more, but most other races don't nearly actively try and bar themselves from diversity in the same way. The most prominent single-race-oriented functions are usually "Asian American Student Clubs" or "Asian American Professional Networking Parties" and things of that nature. It's a sort of hypocritical stance of wanting to be seen than more than just Asian as your sole identifier (because there's more to people than just their race), but then going and involving your life in everything that is specifically Asian oriented.  

It would be like if a White German American only hung out with predominantly other German Americans, went to German American student clubs, established German food restaurants as their favorite places to go (like Pho or KBBQ joint equivalents), preferred to watch German dramas (like K or J drama equivalents) and then asked them self "I wonder why other people think I'm closing myself off?"

[Ambr]

I more of a person who hang out to those people that has the same interest as I do..Asians or not..

[WhatLiSaid]

Oh wow, I never thought this question could be interpreted this way. I think it's a legitimate question to ask. Why do you only hang out with Asians/Whites/Blacks etc? Sure, be friends with people you can relate to you but why not be friends who are completely different as well? To me, only hanging out with one type of people is racist and close-minded. I remember in high school & uni feeling sad whenever I saw a large group of friends of only one race or ethnicity hanging out with each other because I felt they weren't accepting of other races and cultures. It's extremely intimidating trying to approach a group of ten or more friends when they are all the same---all black, all white, all Filipino, all Chinese, all Russians, all Italians. It makes me wonder if they'd welcome someone who wasn't like them.

I think this applies to religion as well. Why do you only hang out with Barring yourself from interacting with people of different backgrounds, faiths and ethnicity is doing yourself a disservice. Diversity is beautiful! I grew up in a very multi-cultural school (over 120 nationalities in a
single school!) and had friends of all races and it was wonderful to
learn about different cultures, traditions and cuisine. Embrace humans.

[JoyousLightBeam]

Comfort cannot be the only reason for not making an effort to befriend all kinds of people in a nation as racially diverse as America. Pan Asian cliquey isolation IS honestly a lazy form of racism by expressing such extreme solidarity in sharing superficial physical attributes and cultural attitudes (East Asians in particular). As Asian Americans, we all roughly share the same belief systems, do / enjoy the same things as other Americans. there’s no excuse for us to be isolated to such a high degree. We are not oppressed like blacks, sorry. Black people have such strong solidarity because their pasts and cultures were stripped from them and have a shared identity in that fact. they do not have specific African ancestry to identify with, so pan blackness makes sense in that context. Despite their strong solidarity most black people are still very open to friendly relations with other races. Also this whole continent is Latin so I can understand latino solidarity as well. But i really only observe the extreme Asian isolation phenomenon in California or universities. Im from Chicago and Asian cliques are less pronounced here. Also I think it’s a different story for immigrants, I can understand why people would go into enclaves then. But native Asian Americans have never provided me (first generation Asian am) with a good reason to be soooo self segregated in general. I sound harsh but idk the self segregation seems so cowardly and self righteous even though the intent is harmless... yes there’s nothing technically wrong with staying in your tribe but it makes us (Asian americans) look bad as a whole.

[leeannlu]

It's kind of the opposite for me. I'm Chinese and I grew up in a white community and when I moved for university, it was a lot easier to befriend all other races that weren't Asian... probably because I didn't feel very Asian and didn't speak Cantonese very well. I thought that Asians wouldn't want to be my friend because I wouldn't be able to relate to them :/ (especially since they seem to only speak in a language other than english in their own groups). Luckily though, I've met many Asians that primarily speak english around here and befriend anyone so I'm definitely not saying all Asians are like that xD

[JessFashion]

I feel the opposite I'm hispanic and every time I've encountered a group of Asian people I always feel like I'll never be accepted into their clique. In a way I feel like Asians can come off as ve tu Cliquie and I've seen it happen at school when I was in college and now that I've graduated and work full time it's also very obvious at work. I don't know if it's because I'm hispanic that they don't tend to include me in their outings and sometimes even work functions.

[AlisonChang]

Ooh commenting for the first time!

Anyways, I find it interesting that you assume the person who asked the question was making an assumption that hanging out with white people > hanging out with asian people or that it was something shameful. I personally don't know if I would jump to that conclusion unless your friend explicitly said he meant it that way. Perhaps he was just curious? I do think it's natural and okay for people to hang out with their own race/culture but it's also important to note that being friends with people who are not similar to you in life experiences or background can be a valuable experience but ONLY if you choose to see it that way. I guess my point is there's nothing wrong with having a majority of friends be your own race or culture (which I admit I do as well) but I would encourage people to make friends outside their comfort zone ONLY if there is a ready and willing attitude. Like right now I'm in a stage where I'm beginning to make non-asian friends for the first time in years and a lot of times I am self-conscious that I'm the only non-Asian person in the room and I feel like even their conversation style is different (although I can't pinpoint it) but I keep trying to just be as open and friendly as possible and hopefully what we do have in common will transcend what we don't. 

And there's also my Christian perspective on this since you're also a Christian, Steven but I'll save that for a different discussion if you still want to hear it! 

[BryanLee]

"[The question] innately implies that hanging out with Asians is inferior to hanging out with white people which is somehow superior."

I see why you would think that, but consider what people of other races think when they see Asians who only hang out with other Asians, especially in such a diverse melting pot country such as America: it's only natural for them to think that that Asian person considers Asians somehow superior and everyone else inferior, either consciously or not. I'm Asian with mostly white/Hispanic/black friends and I get asked about this all the time about Asians who only hang out with other Asians, especially when I on the other hand relate to and socialize with all races just fine.

[annevo]

Totally understand! What's wrong with Asian people? I found myself surrounded by Asian friends because I'm more comfortable in terms of how relatable they are to me, but having non Asian friends, you can learn about their culture but you can also feel out of place because you may not be able to relate.
Great video Steven!

[NinaInthaWorld]

In my experience, this is really common among 1st and 2nd generation Asian-Americans and a lot of Asian international students. I feel like this can be for a lot of reasons, but mainly because it's easier to make friends and relate to other Asians. My problem with this, just as an individual, is that you shouldn't restrict yourself to just hanging out with people of your race. It's totally fine if they make you happy and support you, but if you're not really that close with them and they're not supportive, then why restrict yourself? When I see other Asians, I personally go for the explanation that they aren't getting out of their comfort zone and trying to befriend other people or learn about other cultures. But Steven's shared a different perspective. In the end, you should just be open to all people who make you happy and support and love you.

[taigaaisaka]

There are so many comments down here with people wanting to be friends with Asian but feel left out. I just want to say, it's wonderful knowing you guys wanna be friends with us, and believe me, you're not the only one who feel left out, I feel left out with my Japanese friends all the time. I hang out with them because in a different country, having someone relatable with you just makes it easier to form a relationship, and also I don't wanna be a loner. They are great but the truth is that I can't connect with them, it's difficult since our personalities are very different, I'm more of a tomboyish kinda type. Also, they can't speak English very well which doesn't make it any easier. I am somewhat in between, I can speak English, personally, I relate to Western culture more than my own, with viewpoints and opinions, etc. There are also lots of jokes that I can understand so I actually prefer making friends with white people than Asians because I can communicate with them better. But since I'm in between, and there isn't really anyone from my country at my school, I feel left out from both sides. It's also hard making friends with white people because those at my school all know one another before, and they don't really wanna be friends with me. It's easy to understand, it's probably not because I'm Asian, it's just because they already have their friends so they don't want to take time to make a new one. I believe that if we talk more, we can become friends but for now, apparently the time hasn't come. And it's quite difficult to be honest. So it's great seeing so many people who want to be friends with Asians, have patience and keep starting a conversation, there are a lot of Asians who also wanna talk to you too, and lots of them find it hard to be the one who break the ice. Wish everyone an awesome day 🤘🤘🤘