Why 'Focus On Yourself' Is Terrible Advice

#focusonyourself #relationships #focusingonyourself

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0:00 Is This You?
1:40 The Most Important Thing For Happiness
4:01 What This Made Me Realize
5:07 Why "Focus On Yourself" Creates Narcissism
6:01 What Happened When I Focused On Myself
7:18 A New Perspective
8:04 What To Expect Moving Forward

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Hey, I'm Cole Hastings. I'm a vegan athlete/content creator with a passion for videography/video editing, among other things. I try to help people through sharing my experiences and evolution through life.

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[scottroman]

I am currently 27, and my main self-improvement phase was from 22-24 or so. However, in the past year or two, I have shifted to focusing on wanting to build/grow my social life, in terms of number of people and the quality of connections.

It's interesting to see you note that this is kind of the 2nd phase of self-improvement after you have gotten yourself to a decent place.

[Julian_Bertsch]

"If you wanna go fast, go alone. If you wanna go far, go together." - African Proverb ☯️

[slaterwoman]

Even as an introvert, if i'm away from people for a long period of time, I get very depressed. We are naturally social creatures, and I feel that having good quality relationships has helped me feel good about myself. You don't need a lot. Quality over quantity... always.
And it's okay to open up to others. If they use it against you or laugh at you, then move on. They clearly are not a good enough friend for you.
Thanks for the info, Cole :)

[AritheCreator_]

They say you can’t fill someone else’s cup if yours is nearly empty. So I focus on filling my cup first so that I can ultimately give more to others

[wiseguy]

Being a positive, kind, and humble person will naturally attract happiness in your life.

[ColeHastings]

Thanks for watching everyone, hope you're excited for what's in store. Shoutout to the people that didn't get instantly get triggered by the title and watched the video💪

[Azelide]

This is exactly what I noticed on myself. I became so invested in focusing on myself and improving my mindset that I almost became a useless cynical prick with no friends. I think healthy and warm relationships are as important, if not more, than any self-improvement practices.

[RealJamieBarclay]

An important distinction you make here is that it should be quality relationships. I used to play characters around different people so that they would all like me. When I be my authentic self, I have less relationships but the ones I do have are much deeper and better quality.

[NFSMAN]

Im guilty of doing this too at times. Self improvement is good, but too much of it can be toxic, things such as "Ditch your loser, lame friends, and hang out with people on your level or above" can be toxic, nothing wrong with wanting better like minded friends, but don't diss your old friends who are content with their lives, unless they are doing negative things, but it's okay that your friend wants a simple 9-5 job, or working blue collar jobs etc.
I don't care how introverted you are, how much you love to be alone, us humans are social creatures, too much time alone can be detrimental to your mental health. I still talk to people all of the time online on youtube, discord, twitch, reddit, and I still get together sometimes with IRL friends.

Great video Sir!

[MichaelDrift_]

While it’s important to tend to your relationships, there needs to be some level genuine interest/value provided by it to yourself, because without that it ends up becoming a relationship for the sake of one or fear of being alone. Then people whom you should have kicked out of your life long ago end up influencing your decisions and life course, which ultimately is more of a burden. Relationships are important, but what’s more important is finding the right ones, one of which and most important is yourself.

[sugameltpastriescoffee]

I just turned 41, focusing on myself has a different meaning to me. Most of my life I haven't exactly focused entirely on myself on entirely on family or other people but I did spend a lot of my time helping, worrying and of course complaining about others while sadly neglecting myself. Focusing on myself now means to spend less time thinking and caring about others' opinions if at all and then focus on how I can become a better person for myself and the community that I support and supports me, and to state obvious not waste time playing games with people who don't deserve my attention

[margusiraptor]

There comes the dilemma of not having enough energy or will to form, keep and take care of deeper, meaningful connections. I'm in a phase where the only people I can really tolerate and meet weekly are surface-level party/drinking friends. Anything beyond that seems utterly frustrating. The inability to keep deep connections is frustrating.

I would like to do that, my past self was more than able to do it. A shift happened deep down in my core. One that is a downward spiral of my whole self.

[kra]

Honestly, my philosophy is that I will attract more people like me when I keep doing things that fulfill me - workout, nofap, good diet etc....

[patrickpaul]

out of most of the self help youtubers I watch, cole has been consistently delivering a multidimensional approach & the possible negatives & rabbit holes we can get ourselves into. Great balance

[earnestlyaditya]

The narcissistic part was very true for me. I am learning to love myself and others too while living a healthy and a stable life. We need to love each other .

[isaacu]

I remember that before I used to have such good connections without social media, but after covid it was still hard. The best advice from me is: "Stop trying to fit in when you are born to stand out."

[blakekruz]

When I started my “self-help” journey, I cut everyone out and now I’m a narcissist lol. And I say self-help in quotations because it kind of ruined me honestly. In some aspects my life has improved such as health and money. However, my social skills suffered tremendously due to me cutting everyone off that was “toxic”. Cutting off all of the toxic people in my life turned into cutting everyone out. Idek why I’m saying this lmao. Hope everyone is doing okay and that you all achieve your goals

[oneworldonehome]

"YOUR GIFTS ARE MEANT TO BE GIVEN TO OTHERS, but first you must recognize your gifts and separate them from the ideas which restrain them, alter them or deny them. How can you understand yourself except in the context of contribution to others? Alone you can do nothing. Alone you have no meaning. This is because you are not alone. This will be viewed as a burden and as a threat until you realize the great meaning that it has and the gift that it really is. It is the salvation of your life. When life reclaims you, you reclaim life and receive all of its rewards, which far exceed anything that you could give yourself."

*Steps to Knowledge, The Book of Inner Knowing* - Step 53: My gifts are for others.

[Unluckyification]

You said having good relationships has helped you focus on yourself better. In my experience, working a shitty job has helped motivate me to work on myself. It's a great push when you do something you hate everyday. Pushes me hard to focus on my dream job

[benamitchell]

As someone who has been watching you since the early days, I just want to say that while it's obvious that the quality and production value of your videos have increased with every upload, the thing that stands out to me is the amount of maturity and empathy you display and communicate time and time again. I love that you're taking this broad view and emphasizing the importance of getting outside yourself, because that's self help too. I know I struggle to find that balance myself sometimes. I appreciate the fact that you're open to taking the channel in whatever direction feels right to you in order to help the most people. You're a good man Cole. <3