What to do when someone with dementia is upset

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.) Every Sunday, I share a video to help you in your dementia caregiving journey.

In today’s video, I chat with dementia expert Teepa Snow as she demonstrates exactly how to respond to someone with dementia who is upset. She specifically goes over examples of how to get someone with dementia to change their clothes when dirty and how to respond when someone with dementia wants to go home.
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacaregiver

[smiller]

When I was a home health aid, I remember one lady had smeared fecal material all over herself and I was cleaning her up. She told me that "This is a very nice salon are you this nice to all your patrons?" In spite of being 19 years old, I realized in the moment- "Let's go with this" So we had a spa day in the bathroom and it was jolly. lol

[janetchun]

I am sobbing as I’m watching this. I feel so alone and so unsuccessful so much of the time. It’s hard to hold onto the successful moments and to the joy I feel in that moment. I try to journal those times as a reminder of what worked. I will be watching this video many times.

[patriciabuhagiar]

My mum is 99 years and has had dementia for 8 years her decline is now that she has deteriorated ( bedridden and non communicative and totally dependent for everything.)
She does know me but not who I am, if that makes sense! She cries most of the time when I’m with her and it is so heartbreaking to see her this way.
I cared for her at home for 18 months until she fell and broke her hip and I fell and broke my arm.I’m 72 yrs.
She was admitted to a residential home and the care is really wonderful.
She mumbles a lot like she’s trying to tell me something so I try to ask basic questions and then she may shake her head in response. I feel so sad seeing her like this. Sorry if this is out of context but I wanted to get some advice. Thank you.

[cecemeyers]

I have a care client I see in his home and he is very close (dependent) on the company of his wife. My purpose for being in their home is for her respite, to run errands, spend time with friends, do the shopping or go to appointments of her own. Her husband is then left with me and he often asks grouchily, “so are you my babysitter?!” This shows me that he is having a “better” day, but he may also be feeling ditched by his wife, as if he is being treated like a child, or just in a grouchy mood. My question is—what should be my response to his question?
Sometimes I joke and ask, ‘do you need a babysitter?’ Or ‘heck no, I’m just here to help with the cleaning’.
Or less jokingly ‘your wife needs to be out for part of the day and knows you sometimes don’t want to go with her. I’m just company, help with cleaning. Also, your wife is concerned because you don’t have a phone and I do. If we need to talk we can use my phone’

He has accepted those various responses at times but I wonder if there is a better response I could use—like for example, say the same response every time?
Thank you for being there to forge the trail.

[jann]

Tips from the expert:
- visual, verbal and touch
- positive compliments, assess speech ability, keep the relationship;
- It is a lonely path;
- celebrate small successes; find joy
- watch for spiraling into the pit
- change is imminent - adapt
- try to tag team; new perspective
- watch your habits; 8 habits for new habits ;

Amazingly helpful input
Thank you ladies. !!

[gwendolynpitts]

I have a mother with dementia and a rebellious 18 yr old son. The overlaps are incredible. I have been very intentional with trying to focus on any speck of positivity in either relationship.

[debbieslizoski]

Finally...my two favorite dementia specialists merged into one amazing resource!!! Thank you both a billion for this most helpful half hour!! Much thanks and love to you both! <3

[enoughcorruption]

Both of you should get together at least once a month! Both of you are highly respected and I'm sure the Dementia community would greatly appreciate the two of you coming together ❤
I thank you both for all that you do!
GBY....

[ramo_]

oh my gosh... 12 mins in and I am balling.... I try really hard to be the person on her example but I cannot always be that person and beat myself up... However, when I am that person is always so much smoother!!! Thank for sharing, it makes me emotional, not sure why!

[joydworld]

Together at last! The dream team. The top 2 experts I recommend to everyone because they have helped us so much, forever grateful

[amsohn]

Tepa was the original CareBlazer... she started the movement to help Dementia patientsand their family.

We have been so blessed by her and her training.

We've also been blessed by yours as well. I thank God for you both.

[kkay]

Love this so much. Interestingly, my Lewy body father HATED upbeat. He would say we were full of shit, or happy that he was so miserable. He had such a horrible time. He told me once that if he could unscrew the top of his head off and scoop out his brains, he would. I still feel that there were things I learned from positive care that did help, though my Ma struggled with some of the advice of going along, because she felt like it was lying, even if brought him some peace for a few minutes. He always seemed to enjoy pretty girls, however! Lol

[marieapplesgate]

Thank you for asking Teepa to give her time and expertise! This gave us all more support, resources & a larger community.

[kevingrimbeek]

OMW, I get it 100%. My LOWD has lost most of her sense of smell and her taste has changed! Also, it takes about 20 repeats before she understands and yet may still forget. But when I do have to tell her again, she understands sometimes. Dressing herself is a challenge too, so now she's learnt to let me help her.

[psrwhite]

Thank you Dr. Natali for bringing in Teepa Snow. Yes I have heard of her. You both are awesome and so appreciated.

[michhall]

Yeah i have noticed that my husband by not want me Around, because i Speak to fast give to much information, but i learned by calling the the Alzheimer's Association Support how to get My Husband get in the Shower, first of all i need to Ask instead of tell him. Tell him im here to help that i will get his Clothes towel and Washcloth Ready, Ask him if i can Wash his Back and if it feels ok when i do, Ask him if i can help wash his Hair. And i was So Happy He went along with everything and seened very happy to do so. I was So So Happy. But i feel i make to many Mistakes and feel im not a very good Caretaker and liked you mentioned A Bully 😢😢 My Husband has been Progessing a bit faster in the last few Months. His Communication is getting worse. I Love him, and i dont want him to Feel My Wife is Mean to me, She doesn't understand😢😢 this Channel is Very Helpful. Thank You Natalie ❤ 😊

[loriwoodford]

Very good, all of us caregivers have unique situations that are constantly changing, I love the positive approach, so hard when you’re worn out and burnt out. God bless all of you ❤

[mrs.e]

There is a great need for Teepas knowledge. I have been in the dementia journey with my mother for over a year and I am yet to see any staff exhibit any dementia understanding or skills to handle behaviors in their units. Training is needed as dementia numbers skyrocket, training for staff in facilities and for caregivers at home.

[kentmeyer]

I work as a behavioral health technician at a senior unit. This episode is amazing and so helpful. All of your episodes are very helpful. Thank you for what you do. God bless you! You're amazing!

[theonewhomjesusloves]

Teepa Snow is amazing! I’ve learned a lot from her and from you Natalie! My go to’s.