What to Do When Someone with Dementia says 'I Want to Go Home' (The BIG Mistake You're Making)

1- Activities Ideas
2- What to say/do for specific Challenging Behaviors

Thanks for watching! In this video, you'll learn when your loved one or client says "I want to go home", they don't mean the physical place. That is why even if you got fed up enough to take them to the physical place that they would turn to you and say this isn't home, I want to go home.

The BIG mistake most people make is that they respond by saying, you are home or this is your new home if they are in assisted living or memory care. What your loved one or client is actually trying to tell you when they say I want to go home is that they want the feelings of comfort, safety and familiarity that home represents.

Comfort

Comfort means physical (bathroom, sleep,food) or emotional (missing a loved one, a comfort item)
Asking what is at home will help you figure out if they are trying to tell you what they need in that moment. If they are missing a loved one, ask them about how they feel. Often times, our folks just need to get some feelings off their chest to feel better like the rest of us.

Safety

Safety means that they feel unsafe or threatened where they are and want the feeling of safety that home provides. Again, asking for what they need at home will help you figure out. If something is making them feel unsafe

Familiarity

Familiarity means that they are looking for the specific people, places and things that they believe should be there since the world has suddenly turned unfamiliar. What is familiar to them will vary depend greatly on what time of their life they believe they are in. I've seen folks believing they are in their 20's with young kids or even believing they are the children themselves

This one is more tricky than the others as you can't provide them with the specific people,places and things as they remember them. What I've seen work the most often is going along with their reality like the caregiver did in the example,she validated the person and assured her that things are being taken care of.

[dementiasuccesspath]

Hey there everyone! Let me know in comments if you can relate to this.

[Abril-]

My mom with vascular dementia says this all day long. It’s so distressing

[babypleez]

My Dad was diagnosed just recently but i saw the signs from working in Healthcare for many years.. he is by far the most difficult I've dealt with, it's very frustrating and disheartening and often ask my husband to accompany me because he is quick to lash out at me and recently called me out my name. I could go on and on. Although his personality and demenor is naturally intense.. the new changes makes it much more challenging. It's such a thin line btw them knowing and not knowing until it's not anymore. I'm already burnt out and it truly hasn't begun yet. He lives alone and maintains himself well so far. He totaled is truck Dec 2020 so that adds to his anger that he has to depend on me for rides. Lastly he blames me for the doctors findings.. sorry so long. Guess i needed to vent😢

[janetfishwick]

My 94 year old mother has stage 4/5 Alzheimers. She had previously lived alone for the last 32 years since my dad died. Mother was stubborn, in total denial and consistently refused all offers of help because she insisted that she could maintain herself and her home. She had carers twice a day for 6 days a week, Adult Social Services and many outside interventions for health and safety to determine her condition. After a fall outside her home in June, mother was finally hospitalised and after stressful stay of 3 weeks, was finally put into a Care Home in August. Mother has called the Home a” dump”, and a “ flat” and wishes to leave every time we visit.She asks constantly if her bungalow and has been sold and how much is it worth. She asks about her car and who has got it now? Mother stopped driving years ago. Mother asks how much is her care costing and who is paying for it. She thinks it is free of charge. We tell her that she is in the best place and that she is there because she cannot look after herself any longer. She agrees to this but still asks that same question on each visit. Her room is pleasant and filled with reminders of her family( photographs etc) but she cannot name many of us. Mother does not particularly enjoy the activities on offer and refuses to participate, high is hardly surprising. She is not depressed or unhappy, just confused and in decline. It’s sad to leave her but far better than dealing with her in the confines of her own home.


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[paddyboycooper]

yeah my mom is 71 hasn't been diagnosed with dementia officially doctors says its depression due to losing her partner of 20 years to covid in 2020. but anyways she has been doing this i want to go home I'm leaving for home every day for over a month. she lives in her home has for the last 41 years. i moved back with her to help out she still drives and will pack things into bags food, photos, clothes even bags of tea lol put everything in car and drive around the neighborhood. then comes back to her house and tells me she's moving back here and not going back to the other house. i say ok and we unpack everything until the next morning when it happens again. some days i want to scream

[goingfreenow]

It was always the third reason. Couldln't do much about it. Just went and walk with her and she led the way to endless walking and no place. My goodness how challenging this was for me. All day and all night long.

[Lesaly]

Thank you so much for posting this video. My mom has been asking to “go home” for months. Really needed this. 💜

[bridgetsmith]

None of the usual strategies work. Unmet needs are bogus. All her needs are met, she wants people who are dead. She won't talk about them but demands to see them. She's bedbound now so moving her to another area won't work. Sitting and reminiscing makes it worse, agreeing with her she says we lie. She sees young kids and worries about them. She just wants to be with her late husband and parents and nothing, absolutely nothing is working. Everyday we go through the same routine. Medications have reduced the hallucinations and night terrors but the "I'm going home" phase is just exhausting. She barely eats now and sleeps most of the day but she is healthy in her heart, lungs etc. So we could be like this for years.

[roxannesteward]

Yes!!! My grandmother does this almost daily and it does get frustrating. Thank you for this video

[raquelborsos]

Thank you so much for this! You're wonderful for taking the time to make a video addressing this, so more care givers can help loved ones. I never thought of it as them wanting to feel safe or comfort. What I would try to do before is show them familiar objects in their home, or distract them with an activity, but I will try this!

[emmanuelpapadopoulos]

wow i needed to see this...my mom does the exact same things...even the blanket...its been a struggle lately! thanks for this channel.

[TracieSchubert-kxze]

Love your videos. My parents situation seems a bit more layered.

As a daughter it’s really hard to watch my mother care for my father. Especially when he needs to “go back home because the other people are coming back”. My mom asks “what's at the other home?” Dad responds “my wife.”
Mom responds “I’m your wife.”
Dad responds “No you’re not! You’re my sister Pat!
Mom responds with “I’m your wife, we’ve been married 63 years, we’ve lived in this home for 8 years, the home before for 16, … she continues on attempting to convince him of reality. Hers not his. Over time she has managed to calm her tone & temper a bit but this idea that she can/needs to convince him is very draining on her. Not to mention on Dad as well. She seems to have a hard time letting go of this convincing part. When she persists at convincing he begins to get agitated sometimes to the point of packing to leave. Any suggestions that I can pass on to my mom to make this a bit less distressing to them both? Thanks.

[virginiagaviati]

Oh my goodness. I just had this conversation for an hour and a half with my mum last night. She's in assisted living with dementia and always wants to go home and the caregivers don't quite know how to deal with it and really neither do I. This was a perfect video. Thank you for the hints and tips, I will definitely give it a try when this subject comes up again😊

[ethellelord]

So important not to ask questions that require memory because it only reminds the person living with memory loss that they are lost. I loved the sketches in this video. Even when the individual does go home for a visit, they are lost and do not care to stay there. This video is on point.

[carolynroach]

❤ agree 💯 with the person and redirect.

[realtalk]

Good job thanks for the examples and being straight forward

[bryanjackson]

Thank you so much for sharing this video my mother says it all the time now I know how to Handel it better

[elishagabriell]

I've been a dementia caregiver for 30 years. A few years ago, I had a client who was born and raised in Ireland. She was in her late 80s and said over and over, "I want to go home!" My perception was that a part of her was longing for the "old days" of security and the way things were. Her famiy disagreed with me. They decided to take her one last time to her old home in Ireland, and took her on a very exhausting and stress-filled plane trip back to the town that she grew up in in Ireland. She was there for an hour, was happy to meet old family members but didn't remember them because they had all aged and changed. After the first hour, she began again with, "I want to go home!". Her family members financed a trip to Ireland that was NOT the answer to the client's feeling of going Home. She simply wanted things to be the way that they used to be 10-20 years ago, when life had been relatively care-free. Just something to think about... love to everyone! Elisha

[jollyorock]

That's ver great information. Now I'll know how to respond to service users in work 😊👍🏻

[robinshaffer]

I needed this so many times with clients.