Every Rule I Followed as a Mormon (Coffee Can Keep You Out of Heaven)

Mormon God cares about all the wrong things. He has a lot to share about modesty for women and why coffee is bad, but so little to say about homelessness, disease, poverty, racism, bigotry, and countless other harmful realities.

Like and subscribe if you liked this video! Next week my video will be about how Mormonism got started, all with a teenage boy named Joseph Smith. This story is honestly WILD and the reality is quite different from what I learned as a faithful Mormon in Sunday School.

A few resources I mention in the video:

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[elenas]

A couple years ago I was at an Italian restaurant and I overheard a Mormon girl having a panic attack because she found out tiramisu had coffee and alcohol!

[skilynnclari]

There was a Sunday when I was about ten or eleven, I was really, really sick, and we were out of medicine. So my dad went to the store and bought some for me, and I felt so guilty over it for "making" my parents spend money on a Sunday. They told me it was fine and God understood, but these rules get so ingrained into you, it didn't help much. Definitely a normal thing for a child to feel guilt over something they can't control! /s

[colleenlunt]

Perhaps someone has mentioned this, but the "no coffee" rule is a "tit for tat" thing.
Joseph Smith came up with this "revelation" after Emma expressed her frustration about having to clean up the chewing tobacco spit, and alcohol containers after the men's meetings.
While the men were getting together, the women were as well; their choice of refreshment was tea and coffee.
SOOOO, in the word of wisdom, Joseph shut down the use of tobacco, alcohol, and tea and coffee.
"If the men can't have what we want, you women aren't gonna get yours either."
There you are, and now you know.

I love these vids, and all you are doing to bring awareness to the craziness that is mormonism.
I deconstructed my 50 years into it with message boards and books.
Your content is, and will be incredibly helpful to those who are currently deconstructing their beliefs and finding the courage to leave.

[DRCR]

I once turned down a Mormon missionary by telling him "sorry, I love coffee too much."

[RebelSoldier]

When I was 16, I had hair that went to my shoulders (I'm a guy). I was very careful to keep it well kept, and when I blessed/prepped sacrament I always kept it in a tight ponytail with a white hair tie (my choice, not required). Was prepping sacrament as I did every Sunday before the 10 am meeting when my young men's president, first counselor, and bishop all called me away into the Bishop's office. I was told that my hair was "distracting members of the congregation from their ability to properly partake of the sacrament." I will never forget those words. Then they told me that, starting that morning, I was forbidden from exercising my Aaronic priesthood in ordinances until my hair was "properly cut." Left the office in tears feeling like I had insulted my faith by growing out my hair.

Went to my dad, who was also upset, but was basically told "what's more important, your priesthood duties, or your hair?"

Yeah, I think that's the day I started to disconnect from the people in charge, and the church in general.

[Mr_Eyeholes]

I'm actually grateful that my parents were hopelessly brainwashed by the church only for the fact that it helped me see my way out. When I started to question their religion at 8 years old, they gave me answers that set off alarm bells even at that age. Here are some examples:
Q: "Why can I ask my non-LDS friends to come to my church, but I can't go to theirs?"
A: "Well, it's because we're afraid that you might like it"
Q: "Why does the prophet want to take money from an 8 year old?"
A: "You need to start giving to the church when you're young and don't have very much money, because when you're older and have more, it will be more difficult to start giving"

And here's a question they had for me:
Q: "If the prophet asks you to leave your family and never see them again, would you do it?"
A: " :( ... Yes?" And then my mom started crying tears of joy... Yikes...

Of course there was much more. I had all but completely left their church by 12 ( I had to keep attending or I would be grounded until the next Sunday, but mentally I was elsewhere ), and that had major consequences for the trust they had in me and the freedom/autonomy I was allowed under their roof. I moved out while I was still in high school, and that one decision finally made me feel like my life was actually worth living.

[dan]

My wife and I deeply disagreed about specifics around "tea", etc ... until we did our own research and found that it originally was all about temperature. Early church leaders advised people to avoid tea, coffee, hot chocolate, hot soups, or anything injurious to the body. We were both SO confused how the Church could just "forget" or outright change what it means, and pretend it was that way the whole time. Same thing with tithing: originally only 10% of your surplus, and only if you can reasonably do so without disadvantaging your family

[ColorJoyLynnH]

I have had several Mormon friends over the years. The one I got to know the most I worked with for a year and a half. She had two kids and apparently she told her husband I got an IUD, and he was furious with me and came in and gave me trouble for not having children, because it was my job to have children. Never mind my husband didn’t want any and I wasn’t gonna have any alone in a marriage.

That friend once told me about these wonderful new books she got for her preschoolers. She explained that they had really nice stories that reinforced certain values. I don’t remember the other values, but one of them was “obedience.” I didn’t really process that right away. Later, I realized that I had never been taught that obedience was an important value.

Now that I’ve been listening to you as much as I have, and listening to Mormon stories, it’s making sense. Obedience is really important in Mormonism. Wow.

[BroccoliAndCheese]

The coffee/caffeine thing is so interesting to me, because I was taught that caffeine was the reason for the no coffee rule. We avoided caffeine in everything, and I was told multiple times that dark chocolate (or too much milk chocolate) was off limits because there was caffeine in it lol.

17 years later I still don’t drink alcohol, and drink very little coffee. I can’t bring myself to get past the idea that I should hold myself to some weird expectations I don’t believe in and haven’t for nearly 2 decades.

We can’t afford food storage with inflation, and it stresses me out. I feel weird about going shopping on Sundays when I need to. I generally feel uncomfortable in shorts and tank tops… All these weird little things that are fine on their own, but are all rooted in fear and shame.

Mormon conditioning is no joke.

[cohenthomas]

There’s nothing quite like hunkering down with a hot cup of devils bean juice and an Alyssa Grenfell video 💜

[piperarcher]

I want to say as a mormon kid growing up who had large boobs naturally... it didn't FEEL ideal. I was hypersexualized, i had to be EXTRA modest, and my worthiness was called into question often by leaders, other parents, and peers. There seemed to be an idea that you could only develop large boobs if you were sexually active! WHAT!

[captainawesome]

I grew up thinking it was straight up illegal to play outside on Sundays. Now I make it a point to spend my Sundays outdoors lol

[RosalieScott-dujn]

Classic cult control. The Bite model.
B: Behaviour control
I: Information control
T: Thought control
E: Emotion control

[Bunny_Ribbit]

on the topic of modesty, i was raised mormon, and there was a sunday when i was about six (im 15 now) where we were scrambling to get out the door to church. I had a lot of dresses that didn't have sleeves, but it wasn't a problem since I'd usually just throw on a nice sweater over the top. but we were already running super late and I couldn't find one, so my parents said screw it and said it would be fine for just one sunday and it was better to show up than not. that day in primary they were talking about modesty. they were talking specifically about how shorts and skirts should go to our knees, and that we should never show our shoulders. it seriously felt very targeted and my mom was super mad. there were girls who wore sleeveless dresses all the time. they were also six. it didn't matter. but i guess it did the one time i did it. that shit still hurts man.

[MelissaSwanson]

My public library has approved my request to purchase your book! I hope other libraries will do the same!!!

[fotnite_]

I just remember when I was in the church when the person I was dating admitted at some point that she felt guilty because she got sexually aroused around me. It just seemed unfair to me, after all, isn't sex outside of marriage the actual sin, rather than just getting horny?

Meanwhile, I ended up feeling inadequate for the opposite reason, I didn't really feel sexual attraction toward anyone, and I mostly liked her as a "really good friend". I never got any crushes, and was dating in part out of social pressure. It's not *technically* a sin, but we were told pretty explicitly that we were expected to be dating at 16 and marrying a couple years after either turning 18 or returning from a mission. So throughout the entire relationship, I felt inadequate. The way she stared at me, admiring my appearance made me feel uncomfortable, and I disliked the sensation of kissing her. I was repeatedly reminded that I wasn't particularly masculine, that my hair wasn't very straight, and so on. Even though on some level I didn't care about this stuff, the fact that others seemed to care about it even more once I was in a relationship made me feel terrible. But I had to engage in this stuff, because it was what Jesus and God expected of me, right?

So, even though it seems like there should be a pretty clear line, in reality you can't stray far in either direction from a very specific set of expectations about relationships. Now that I'm out of it, it's pretty weird how Mormonism has all this stuff that aren't *technically* sins, but are practically treated as though they are sins. I think it's part of how they keep members feeling inferior, and make it seem less oppressive from the outside.

[AJ-mhnb]

These rules feel very controlling… calling your coffee table a living room table because you are afraid to sin or get close to sin is crazy. So glad you’re happy now ❤

[positivityjp]

Me and my wife left the church three months ago. Greatest decision we ever made, we feel like we don’t have this shadow of guilt hanging over us anymore. No more rules or strict expectations. We feel free. And yes I’ve started drinking coffee and to be honest I love it.

[interndana]

No dating until 16 unless you wanna marry Joeseph Smith!!

[vankomensaskia]

My parents always would push the rules and then lie just to keep that temple recommend. Like coffee. My mom would say “well it helps my headaches 😂” and then tell me well if it’s medicinal it’s ok and you don’t have to tell the bishop everything. It was so weird. I’m no longer a member.