How to face death: The universe doesn't care about you | John Vervaeke and Lex Fridman

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GUEST BIO:
John Vervaeke is a psychologist and cognitive scientist at University of Toronto.

PODCAST INFO:

SOCIAL:

[chase-bank]

Damn. As someone who *literally* held my dad's hand as he took his last breath just ten days ago... Had to stand there next to my mom for what seemed like forever, wondering which of us was going to break, acknowledging the reality of what's in front of us, and actually check for a pulse... I clicked on this expecting to think "this guy has no idea wtf he's talking about". But damn, he's pretty spot on. "Your mortality is not an event in the future, it's a state you're in right now.' We'd all do well to strive to understand and remember that, and live accordingly.

[bradleyjohnson]

As weird as it is to admit, death to me is the great equalizer and the final escape. Although I enjoy life, and I believe it is worth experiencing, I also actually look forward to the end of it. When you think about it, a final end to all the pain, fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment, disappointment, heartbreak and uncertainty that life inevitably forces upon you sounds absolutely amazing.

[AlfredoBaker]

The universe may not care about me but it’s the reason I’m here and I’m forever grateful, existence is an incredible mystery and something we may never understand, and that is fine with me

[Redflowers]

I had my first seizure in a long time a couple of months ago, come out of nowhere, I was running along a pavement and when I woke up in the back of an ambulance one part of me was like 'this can't be happening to me right now' and yet another part of me was like 'yes it can'. I can't be sure but I imagine that this is similar to dying.

[Xarkom]

Dying isn’t scary to me. I have been dead before, it was that window before my birth and I was fine. What I dread is the day loved ones slowly start dropping. Because I have to LIVE with that suffering.

Its one reason holding me back from having kids, I cannot fathom putting then through that.

[Petequinn]

Death scares me the most..I truly enjoy exploring with my present consciousness, visually, smell, hearing..having the plug pulled just to become soil, terrifies me .

[MentalFabritecht]

Life is so cruel. Death is insane.

Everything you ever loved and had, gone forever.

The human condition. We'll each see what lies ahead on the day. Good luck y'all and may God have mercy on our souls

[nodieza]

I was 20 when my mom passed away and it still wrecks me 14 years later, but I don't really fear my own death, but rather the way in which I die. I do not want it to be a week of intense suffering or tortured, etc. I mainly fear that my death might affect the people I care about (above all my 3 year old son) in the way my mom's death did to me. I know I don't want to outlive my son and spouse, and the thought of outliving them always leads to bad things.

As someone with major chronic pain, the thought of one day returning to a state of (non) existence similar to that of the one before I was born is a really comforting thought if I am honest.

The moment my wife showed me her positive pregnancy test my existence rewrote itself. I live for my son and wife and try not to take that for granted. I try to learn as much as I can to better myself. I try to leave marks of my thoughts and feelings in many places. I try to fight for what I believe is right and what will better my son and future generation's lives. I do my best.

[JJ-wiuw]

The problem isn't Death. The problem is suffering.

[icebox_Intruder]

Accept that you are already dead. Then you can move freely. I fully believe that that is how I made it through 2 deployments.

[zdenkonovak]

Death is actually release from responsibility you are involved with in your actual life

[larssonk]

there's still so much we don't understand about ourselves and the universe, I would not find that intolerable to keep learning. It's a infinite playground just waiting to be discovered.

[TakoyakiStore]

I would say a near infinite portion of the universe doesn't care about you. But if 1 person cares then by extension a small sliver of that universe cares.

[yingle]

I have a huge fear of dying, I love being alive and want to live as long as I can. I never want to die, I'd love to live forever.

[JakeyOhsogood]

I read an interesting theory on why public speaking is for most of us our worst fear, and it has something to do with left over fears from our tribal ancestors. When speaking in front of the tribe it was usually in the context of why they shouldn't kick you out, as we are social creatures at our core this effects us in many ways, and back then being cast out of the tribe usually meant death. My personal belief is that if you condense it down enough to its roots, death is always the motivation for fear, otherwise what would we have to fear? If you can't die, then no choice has any real risk.

[Jeremy-Ai]

Lex,
Death seems to be an “ultimatum” we use to make life matter or “wake us” from our “ reality slumber”.
What he is saying rings true.
We “die” many “deaths”throughout our life.
In every moment with every choice we make… and the universe can, and will end, our time to do so.
I suspect that mortality is precious and crucial not by its end, but by its endless moments offered.

[richardjohnson]

I don’t think it’s the universe that does not care about us. It’s we who seem to believe that we do not matter. That we are not good for anything. So we don’t do anything that is really that good to begin with.

So maybe now would be a great time to ask why do we do this to ourselves. Why do we hold these perspectives. For if we do not care enough about ourselves to delve deep inside our own psyche. Then why should we matter to anyone else.


I am not the first person to say this. Aristotle himself said as much years ago. How knowing oneself is the beginning of wisdom. Which means in our non-introspective world. We have yet to begin to know ourselves. And achieve sort of everlasting wisdom. One that will transcend us. And all time.

Very few of us have gotten ourselves out of the cave. And those who do tend to be punished by the rest of us. Such as Socrates. And Cicero. And the rest their accomplishments are not valued until well after their deaths. Like Copernicus and Galileo.

Why do we talk so much in conjecture. And hyperbole. And in theory. And so little about our reality. About how we experience it day in and day out. Through our own sensory and sense making network.

Why do we allow others to dictate to us how to think and feel about something. Why can’t we come up with it on our own. Are we each that cognitively deficient as to be incapable of one original thought or idea in so many of us.

Why do we keep repeating more of the same in our way of thinking. Why are we so reluctant to rock the boat. When we know that is how all progress is made.

Why are we even so afraid to ask the harder questions. When no one ever died from just asking a difficult and hence inconvenient question. While many have died from ignoring them. Just like we have been doing all along. To our own peril. Why lob softballs to those who claim to know all the answers.

And why do we keep hoping so much. Exactly what are we hoping to prove. When we do so. For hoping never changed anything. And has left many things unchanged. Only to see them get worse.

I believe this is why Dante wrote:
Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here. At the entrance of hell. For we have decided to remain ignorant in hopes of remaining blissful. And stupid. Only to wake up one day. And find we are in fact and have been in hell all the time.

[onetruekeeper]

Living forever trapped in a body sounds horrific but a non-corporeal existence not bound by the laws of physics sounds like an adventure.

[meho]

I hadn’t thought about mortality in a while, but this talk reminded me of the quiet desperation I had with it. As he described, the thought of living forever is horrific. Yet the alternative is only marginally better. Seems like there is no way out.

[AnthonyGiallourakis]

The meaning of death (contemplation) is to place (force) a value on time. Facing one's mortality induces a rationalization of an exchange of values between the qualitative and quantitative aspects of reality. When there is no limit to the quantitative, the qualitative is diminished proportionally. When you divide anything by infinity, the resulting value