Why Self-Esteem Is Self-Defeating | 5 Minute Video

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Script:

I have no self-esteem.

I’m not saying I dislike myself, or that I have a problem with my self-image. And I don’t have low self-esteem. I’m just saying that I have no self-esteem at all.

Why? For the same reason that I have no pet unicorns. Self-esteem is a fantasy. It’s a meaningless fabrication that exists only in your imagination.

The dictionary defines "esteem" this way: “To regard with admiration.” Self-esteem, therefore, means to regard yourself with admiration. But is that how we should see ourselves?

If someone asked you who you admire, would you really want to answer, “Well, I admire myself"? Would that be a good thing?

I would say no... emphatically.

I was hardly a precocious kid, but I think I realized this “self-esteem” thing was a racket as far back as junior high. I remember when the guidance counselor at my school handed out a worksheet and asked us to “rate” our self-esteem on a scale of 1 to 10. Meanwhile, kids in China were learning silly things like “math” and “science.” Now we’re bankrupt and they own the country. But at least we all feel pretty good about ourselves.

In any case, there we were, facing the important task of arbitrarily quantifying our egos. When I asked my teacher why I should have high self-esteem, she said, “Because you’re special.” When I asked why I was special, she said, “Because you’re you!”

I found this an odd statement at the time, coming as it was from the woman who’d just given me a D on my last math quiz. Most of my classmates, though, quickly jotted down nines and tens. Incidentally, some of them would grow up to be unemployed alcoholics, but I’m guessing if they could take that test again, they’d score themselves exactly the same.

See, that's the whole point of self-esteem: to be proud of yourself even when there's no reason to be proud of yourself.

Of course, apologists will claim that self-esteem is simply about confidence, and that you need confidence to succeed in life. Okay. But if self-esteem is simply about confidence, then why don’t we just call it “confidence”?

Because confidence must be earned.

A student is confident about doing well on a test if he studies for it. An athlete is confident on the field if he practices. A singer is confident in her abilities if she, in fact, has abilities.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, can be defined as “unearned confidence.” The person with “high self-esteem” (also known as a “narcissist”) feels good about himself on the basis of nothing. We may ask him: "Why do you esteem yourself?" And his learned response will be: "Because I'm me."

Like a modern day Narcissus, he can’t see the world outside the window because he’s too busy whispering sweet nothings to his reflection in the glass.

[missmorbid]

"If everyone's special, then nobody is".

[Dodo-tdpg]

Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.

[thomahperin]

"Confidence comes from preparation" - Kobe Bryant

[pauldickinson]

Is it ironic that this video is about twenty times more motivational than every self esteem video that my schools have made me watch?

[hoangkimviet]

The words I learnt from this video:
- Nouns: Fabrication, admiration, reflection, saner, notion, dogma, ambition, toll
- Verbs: Esteem, regard, whisper, taint, equip, wreak, havoc, stifle, acknowledge
- Adjectives: Precocious, Alcoholics, scandalous, benign

[dorrin]

Teach kids the skills that will help them succeed, and let self-esteem come from that.
Don't buy into the "teach kids that they're special snowflakes who can do no wrong" trap.

[RookieN]

If everyone is special, then nobody is special.

[demosthenes]

shoutout to Syndrome from the Incredibles for teaching us this lesson
"if everyone's super then no one will be"

[flamerunner]

Teachers: you're all winners
Me: sounds like communist propaganda but ok.

[noisemarine]

"No one is special, unless they apply themselves and improve."

-Something my Father told me the day I started school.

[TinyDancer]

Narcissism is not extreme confidence; it is pathological insecurity. That is why they are fragile and break completely even under gentle constructive criticism. They become enraged when everyone does not fawn over them. Confidant people don't have these instincts.

[goodluckokereke]

Remember the keyword here:
'Confidence is earned'

[LaisCordiolli]

That was mind-blowing. I've never thought about self esteem in that fashion.

[Nocturn]

Better title would be. "Don't be a narcissist"

[shanicemarisa]

PragerU advice = my dad's advice.

[gebkasxpx]

One of the Best lessons I've ever heard. Self-esteem bull shit must stop. It corrupts society and individuals.

[kiranadammahadev]

We need to replace self-esteem with self-determination.

[terrencemoldern]

I remember being treated like this... I remember plenty of points in my school life where this had occurred and honestly it just weirded me out. I remember back in Elementary we had a pole casting contest, you know for fishing? With targets and all... and it came down to me and a girl who I knew in my own class. We both were doing the longest cast but also had to make sure we hit the targets right in the middle. I was given an easier time myself since I was and am autistic.

So I got to go up closer to the targets and of course I won. Which made me happy. After all I got a little medal and as a kid. Getting some sweet metal that looks nice is of course gonna make you excited. But then I saw that the girl next to me also scored. Pretty much just right behind me. Which was cool. But she also got a little medal. In fact. I saw the whole class get medals. It made me feel weird.

Looking back on it. I wish I didn’t have an easier time for one. Simply because I personally have autism. Especially since I don’t have it nearly as bad as others... and two the person rewarded should have been the girl. Maybe I could have gotten 2nd if we had the classic 1, 2, 3.... but of course we didn’t and if we did. We all would of course have also had “participation” rewards.

It’s fine and especially fun when schools and teachers give out positive reinforcement. But it’s just demeaning and stupid to reward things not deserving of it. It always made me feel weird and stupid. Especially STUPID! Nothing makes me feel more like I’m the dumbest person alive then when people go easy on me and treat me and others like that.

It feels like one of those classic Lab Rat tests. Go to the end of the maze and you get Cheese! Which funnily enough is even more better then how we are treated. At least the said Rat actually did something to earn it. Meanwhile we’re sitting here with this bs.

[Hardrian_Hardrada_Cicero]

Pretty much California should take note of this video (as there are many narcissists here)

[mosseeizze]

Oh life in Africa was so simple and truths like these were common sense. Now my head is filled with rubbish that I don't know what 2+2 is anymore. I miss home