Advice for Disagreeable People Who Don't Care About Others | Jordan B Peterson

Advice for people who want to care about other people but can seem to bring themselves to. From my 5th Patreon Q&A.

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[georgemargaris]

"You can avoid caring about other people, but you cannot avoid the consequences of not caring about other people" - Ayn'Care Rand

[CreditChip]

ITT: Disagreeable people making a competition out of being disagreeable

[brumgab]

The truth is being extremely disagreeable means you have a distorced perspective about others, Just like the other extreme. Whereas extremely agreeable are gullible and prone to help even those who have been harmful - which is bad - extremely disagreeable people are suspiscious even when there is no need to be and uncooperative even when the one who needs help really deserves a helping hand. I have seen a guy turning his ankle and falling on a street and a group of men walking by kept going undisturbed, as if they had not seen anything. It blew my mind - how can you not think "If it were you I would like to have someone to care, to see if I need something?"

Jordan Peterson says highly agreeable people are axiomatic because they believe everyone is good. But highly disagreeable people are also axiomatic because they believe everyone is as selfish and single-minded and they are, which is not the case. The truth is being disagreeable is good at the individual level - when you don't care about others you have more time for yourself. But at the societal level it is bad, I believe. Picture anyone who has perpetrated evil throughout history: Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, various emperors, serial killers... most if not all of them were highly disagreeable.

But credit must be given where credit is due. Because agreeable people avoid conflict, bad people are Only stoped by other disagreeable people. I believe Churchill, who stood up against nazism, was also a disagreeable men. And many great achievers were disagreeable, for instance Newton and Michelangelo. So as Always things are not Black and white. I don't like being around disagreeable people but I understand their importance.

[alexs]

I am very disagreeable, especially for a woman- 9-10% but I also struggle with being extremely empathetic. I care about people a lot and will usually go out of my way to help them but if anyone behaves rudely/disrespectfully to me, I just cant tolerate it. I will usually confront the person, not even realising that Im being very argumentative.

[ohkaiboon]

So grateful we have the internet today, so that I can listen Jordan Peterson sharing the great ideas.

[jacobs]

Sometimes argumentative is just a very fast moving mind and you just have to change your tone to a more playful tone and the person then doesn’t get offended.

[jioettop]

This is true, it works across spectrum of interpersonal behavior. Positive behaviors have their own built in rewards which in turn causes our minds to subconsciously have a favorable response which perpetuates the cycle of agreeableness.

[Triumvirate]

I am very disagreeable and yet I also care deeply about other PEOPLE; but I have zero interest or empathy for people's behavior or circumstances most of the time. Having been through real tragedy and hardship in life, I find it almost impossible to care about the meaningless piddly crap that other people care about. Somebody said something mean on Facebook? Oh no. Let me get you a tissue, you insufferable crybaby. Your boss yelled at you at work? Oh no! Cry me a river, you gainfully-employed ingrate.

It's like when a little toddler spills his cup of milk, and starts crying. I just clean up the mess and tell people it's going to be okay. The problem is that kids eventually learn that spilled beverages are NOT the end of the world, while the adults around me seem to think that small problems like that really are the end of the world, and have emotional meltdowns over those small problems.

[TheMrmessyal]

As someone who scored as low as you can on the agreeableness scale I can say this sort of worked for me.

I started by helping a friend of a friend move house. It's rolled on to me giving a once a month sit down with young sex workers on how to get off meth(I was addicted in my early twenties). In two years I have talked to about thirty people. And I know eight of them have stayed clean and improved their lives.

The problem is I don't really care, it's more of a duty than a exercise of empathy.

[TJ-wtop]

A legitimate answer within 2 minutes I havent been told in years of therapy. Love you bro. I have a question for anyone who happens to stumble upon this. As a highly disagreeable person, what can I do, in therapy, when I feel more knowledgeable than my counselor? From what I've learned watching Peterson, as a disagreeable person, I feel that my world view is correct, and that I can compete to prove so, and this often causes problems for me when trying to get advice.

[ptxktki]

Yeah, I pretty much agree with Jordan Peterson more than myself now days.

[Corneliaa]

I just took the test and came out as a 5/100 in agreeableness, politeness even lower (4). Also moderately low in neuroticism. As a woman, that's rare I guess. It explains while all my life some people were instantly put off by me while the rest praises me "for not being as crazy as 'normal' women". I am called a man or "one of the guys" all the time. Sometimes as a compliment, sometimes as an insult. It's hard for people to put me in a category. Finally an explanation. Thank you, Dr. Peterson.

[ianmeisner]

Why should I do favors for other people? They won't do anything for me in return?

[maylynbayani]

Im disagreeable and I am guilty of being apathetic. I married a kind, agreeable man and he helped me put things in perspective. Most times, i dont mean to be rude by being blunt but he reminds me to be kind. It actually made me less intense and easy to be around.

[elisabethellanora]

"I don't care about that" is my most used expression. and that's my way to not be rude. it drives some people insane, but i don't care about that.

[lukeshort]

I have always cared about other from day one but I've been misunderstood bad real bad🙏

[unuminregnodei]

Be a do gooder, no way. I lived that life until i became a doormat. By the way those who want you to agree with them are selfish and difficult to please.

[bishnuprasadnayak]

How to deal with too much disagreeableness, there has to be a better way than doing favours. Our disagreeableness may hurt others but we don't care unless it hurt people we care about. Any better

[jorthouben]

What’s that piano piece in the outro called? I love it

[RandyKalff]

Luckily I'm only disagreeable in situations like (business) negotiations.

Though, in those cases I need to calculate exactly where the limits are because otherwise I would be way too disagreeable.