How to Be More Straightforward

We prefer people who are ‘straightforward’: who are direct and unambiguous about their desires and characters. Becoming more so involves untangling the self-deceptions we constructed when we were young.

FURTHER READING

“A basic distinction in humans is between those who are simple and straightforward to deal with – and those who are – as we tend to be reminded when we interact with them – repeatedly tricky or complicated to handle. What makes straightforward people gratifying to be around isn’t so much that their positions and intentions are always inherently unproblematic, it’s that we happen to know exactly what the issues are from the start. There is therefore no need to guess, infer, decode, untangle, unscramble or translate. There are no sudden surprises or revolutions in perspective. If these straightforward types don’t want to do something, they will, politely and in good time, explain that it’s really not for them. If they’re unhappy with our behaviour, they won’t smile sweetly while developing noxious stores of envy or hatred in the recesses of their minds; they will immediately provide a gentle but accurate statement of how we are frustrating them. If they are worried a project is going awry, they won’t pretend that all is well until a catastrophe can no longer be denied. If they are attracted to someone, they will find charming, kind and inoffensive ways of making their feelings clear. And in bed, they may want to please, but they can also be honest and unashamed about what actually excites them.”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Noelle Smith Design

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[VerenaSatriani]

Sometimes we try to give people the clues, and when people don't get it, we feel disappointed and unheard. The truth is we need to say it as it is. That's how improve understanding.

[melkiway]

Every time I watch these videos I realize more and more how severely my entire family messed me up. I was trained to always go with the flow, never raise concerns, never speak up for my needs, never complain... and in return I was called a "good child". Other parents would always tell my mom how much they wished their kids could be like me. It made me feel like I was doing something right, but turns out it was the WORST thing for my self-development.

[ominousplatypus]

My parents tried so hard to raise me to be a "good boy", they just ended up crippling me emotionally for most of my early adulthood. This video speaks to me. I'm finally trying to get better.

[mwatchim]

Therapy: EXPENSIVE
This Channel: FREE

[metamorphosis_]

Not being straightforward is strongly associated with lack of self-esteem. When you see yourself as a person who lacks value, it is normal to assume that what other people think of you is more important than what you think of yourself. When you don’t assume complete ownership over your own mental space, you automatically degrade your personal value and you let it get affected by the mental space of others.

It is crucial to recognize that we are all different and, consequently, most of us have different needs. And that is ok. Assertiveness and being straightforward is the best tool to communicate those needs in an effective and elegant way.

p.s. Assertiveness is the sweet spot between passivity and aggression. This is very crucial to understand because most people fail to identify this sweet spot and usually end up confusing assertiveness with aggression. By all means, assertive does not mean aggressive.

[edmilsonlennon]

As a not straightforward person, this is a must watch

[nschone]

Being straightforward is easy. Just be prepared to lose relationships with everyone who expects you to lie to them. That's hard.

[chuckleberrypi]

"painfully unsure about the legitimacy of their own desires"
DAMN lol calling me out 😅

[Olivertwiztd]

I’m always amazed by how emotionally intelligent these creators are. To be able to create pieces like this that give you the truth you need to hear, but somehow always wrap it in a warm hug. That’s usually something that only very skilled counselors can accomplish and yet they do it effortlessly every time here at TSOL

[Barbara_Banks_]

Exactly. A child that is taught you must “put on a happy face” learns early on that expression of anger, is wrong. Hence, a passive aggressive tendency emerges as a pattern. It’s up to each of us, to recognize our own patterns. Learning to be more assertive, respectfully setting boundaries, is one of the keys to inner peace and happiness. I’m a work in progress. ✌️☺️❤️

[turvus]

05:00 "use your freedom to dare to own up to who you actually are."
Very liberating quote.

[kaylaking]

I legitimately cried when I finished this video, I never realised till this point that not everyone did these mental gymnastics during a conversation about their wants or needs. This was extremely eye opening.

[somethingyousaid]

Most of us are unconsciously dishonest most of the time. Honestly.

[fernandogomezdelatorre]

Being straight forward can help you avoid really painful and unnecessary situations in the future. It is hard to do now but will be harder in the future!

[nolikeygsomnipresence]

When I was 8 years old, I had a nervous breakdown because I wanted to go to a classmate’s birthday party but was too afraid of asking my dad. My big brother saw me crying and asked him on my behalf, and he said yes. I love my brother.

[andisayso]

I used to be misunderstood and sometimes taken to be rude because of my straightforwardness. I tried to suppress it to the point that I get so anxious speaking up. But I realized the importance of being able to speak your mind even if your voice shakes.

[myriadmediamusings]

I will admit that I’m rarely, if ever, straightforward. But the video detailing why that could be really hit close to home, and reminded me of my self-esteem and sensitivity issues.

[Glitchcraftproductions]

My entire immediate family has always been extremely passive aggressive and as I started to become more aware of it in them and in myself, I realized that I really dislike it and how it’s directly related to my anxiety. So the passed few years I’ve challenged myself to be more straightforward and honest about how I feel and what I want. Sometimes I might even get the impression from someone that they think I’m a prick, but I don’t care, I don’t have to please everyone and honestly it’s made my life better and me generally more happy. You’ll also start to find out who really should be in your life and who you really want around! So take it from me, just always be unapologetically yourself! You won’t regret it.

[ReeseUni]

5:52 "We can accept that what we want is almost never impossible for others to bear."

[zfbx]

next video: How to accept the truth from someone who is straightforward without being offended