How to tame your Advice Monster | Michael Bungay Stanier | TEDxUniversityofNevada

[ShariKaye]

Most of the time people don’t want advice. They want someone to listen or bounce ideas off of. They don’t need another person to save them. They need to be reassured that they have the power to save themselves.

[kath]

I stopped giving advice a long time ago, when I realized people just wanted a place to vent.

Instead of giving advice I just listen and then ask “What do you really want to do about it?” They come up with their own it’s what they were going to do anyway.
Problem solved.

[jennifermorin]

Eye-opening for me as a coach. In the past, I wanted to 'save' people or 'fix' them. But it turns out that is not what they want or need. Asking meaningful questions will enrich all our relationships!

[kendalllrose]

My friends and I have an understanding, when one of us comes to the other to talk something out we always ask first "Are you look for space to vent and support, or do you want my perspective?", this way we all know what the other is looking for in such times. I loved this talk.

[maryatkin]

i find as a mother that i am constantly trying to give advice to my children when really they just want to be heard. i really enjoyed this talk and got a lot out of it.

[juicystar]

This is simply one of the best TED's I have seen, humility comes when we do not take ourselves too seriously. This man is fun and funny and soooo right. Congratulations Michael you nailed it.

[NOKS--ykzx]

I decided to stop giving advise a long time ago, mostly because no one took it and got them selves in deeper water despite all my time and effort. But what I found amazing was that my relationships improved so much after I stopped advising and directing the people in my life and started listening. Suddenly I felt the weight taken off my shoulders- their well being was no longer my problem and I could just focus on enjoying my time with them. And they started sharing much more openly and honestly. If only I could have had such a succinct way of explaining that phenomenon way back then. Great talk!

[miriamhilley]

An advice monster is definitely the ego, thinking we know everything, thinking we have all the answers. This talk is really spot on. And this guy is excellent, such electric energy and a fantastic way of speaking. I think a lot of people would get something from this. Gonna share!

[sergiobellance]

That's how you can become the best friend. Don't give advice, ask questions!

[nannybannany]

Oh! He WROTE the book "The Coaching Habit!" I was given that book about 8 months ago from a colleague when I was promoted to a Regional Manager and supervisor. It's incredible. I completely recommend it!

[jackrouse]

We all think we know the best, don't we? We all work so differently, it's never 1 size fits all. It's amazing that we somehow manage to lead ourselves to believe that we know what is best for those who are close to us, when really we probably haven't a clue what is even best for our own selves. I really appreciated this guys take and his honesty. Good guy.

[jasoncuray]

Note to self: Stay Curious, ask these 3 questions:
“What is the real challenge here for you?”
“What else?”
“What do you want?”

[opheliaollogtren]

I've never thought about the concept of an Advice Monster before, but it resonates so much! We all have that urge to immediately offer solutions, not realizing we might not fully grasp the situation.

[createhappinesswitholga]

If somebody is in a helpless state, the advice monster gets activated. But with empathy, we know when to slow down and stay curious longer.

[murielbrown]

Absolutely love this. I have been a compulsive advice giver and always knew it was somewhat toxic and controlling but didn't know how to deal with it. This has been life-changing for me and I am very grateful, thank you.

[iamsamfemia]

You know, I never really thought that giving advise takes away the other person’s sense of autonomy.

[wendyeustace]

Love the way he presents, the way he thinks and the way he engages us - his audience!! Thank you MBS!! You're awesome!

[ianvantreight]

The 'Save It' Advice Monster really resonated with me. It's hard to keep myself from jumping in and fixing things for my kids but he makes some great points about why you shouldn't

[LeanneHughes]

The problem with giving advice, is that it's the 'default option'. Well done, Michael!! Huge stage + equally impressive message you shared.

[boogerrhymes]

I first saw this years ago and love that it's popped back up for me, I think my relationships have really improved since following some of the steps given in this talk!