Midweek with Dr. C- Jekyll, Hyde, and Narcissism

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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Twitter: Surviving Narcissism @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101

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Narcissists want easy supply. As soon as you tell them “no”, they will rage and dump you like yesterday’s newspaper. They want compliance. Period.

StillAwakeAwareDiscerning
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I so appreciate you, Dr C. I’m 72! Loved my a-hole narc until 2018! So much abuse. It’s finally over. I spent my 72nd birthday last week in Paris.
I am recovering from nearly 50 years of : intermittent reinforcement, slut shaming(!) and Silent Treatment! And I am moving on to my best life. I’m proud to be a member of Team Healthy. Thanks for all you do.

msmacmac
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In regards to the "shadow people"...not all narcissists treat them badly or with contempt. I've noticed the covert narcissist in my life act much more kind towards acquaintances and total strangers, than they do towards their spouse and children.

katiepayne
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I remember saying so often “ Your like a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” Now I know why!

lindadobberstein
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"Notice how behaviors change when things don't go the N's way" is an incredibly helpful marker. I think of the 2 most destructive family members and can write a laundry list of examples. My journey from believing "it's me" & "I'm too sensitive" to tentatively claiming my own personhood is difficult & twisty. Despite repeated evidence, my ears still perk up when a confirmation tip is shared. Lifelong training has engrained the habit of self gaslighting. Yet again, Dr. C. helps give reasons for it's not all in your head. It's real!

itm
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This is so crazy. Like the worst bipolar person I have ever met. Literally one minute can be loving and sweet and helpful. The next be downright evil, manipulating, stealing, lying, bullying, verbally abusive, etc. provoking and not giving up an argument, having to have the final word and you admit they are right. It is insane. I don't know how people can stay with other people like this. It was so easy for me to walk away and breathe the fresh air again without their demonic stench suffocating me!

glitterginger
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Awww Dr C. I want to go to your conference too and give you a hug. You’re such a dear, sweet man

michellek
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I can just feel the genuine care and concern you have for team healthy and it matters more than you will ever know!❤️

canduscanty
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His Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde was scary and would come out of nowhere. Especially trapped in the car with him. I would literally shake like an abused puppy

michellek
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Very interesting that you brought up INFJ personality types. I’m an INFJ. I have those very traits you mentioned. I have read that people with that personality type attract the most narcissists and are most often abused by them. I grew up in a family of individuals who were the opposite of me with the exception of one who ended up going along with the other narcissists in the family. One of the things that’s hard for people like us is developing boundaries. I naturally know what another person is feeling, I care deeply and want to help and nurture them naturally. It doesn’t pay off with most people. They wear you right out and drain you of your life energy after awhile. Anyway, now I’m saving my energy, kindness and compassion for those very few people that deserve it.

christar
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You have helped me more than any other psychologist, physician, psychiatrist, etc. For one, you are giving heartfelt, compassion, without charging us a dime on YouTube, that in itself is such a wonderful gift! You have shown me Love, compassion, and helped me find the Dignity, Respect and Civility for myself, and help me set healthy boundaries so that I continue being empathetic without taking on a fair share of things that are not my responsibility. This was hard for me, as I’ve stayed in this pattern most of my life, and instead of being the happy, helpful person I am inside, I become a tormented version of myself, who is always in pain, shame and blame. I also appreciate knowing who I’m in the room with when it comes to narcissism and toxic people. I can’t Thank You enough for the blessings you have given me. I pray for so much 💙💖✝️🙏✌️ for you and your family. Blessings to you all!

zaagidwin
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Interesting pattern I have observed after being married for 20 years is that she is happy when I am sad. She behaves as she is empowered when I am sad. She hurt me deeply and when I express the sadness through tears or confusion, she comes alive. When I express how angry I am about her choices, she turns to either silent treatment or rage. The rage is alarming. The projection. The gaslighting. The cold stare. The dark eyes. Yet the most difficult part was realizing and understanding and finally accepting she was not the person I ever thought she was. To accept I was punished to this degree is something that will only lead to growth on my end. Thanks for all you do for all of us who need to walk away!

innovativesecure
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"You're not like me" explains so much. Being not like him does not make me automatically less than him, him better than me, him less than me, or me better than him. We are simply different. Narcissists can't seem to not compare. Every comment is a personal slight or a compliment to the narcissist.. He is not like me.

elizabethlavet
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You are appreciated more than you will ever know Dr. Carter. Have a wonderful weekend.

Alice-fref
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When I was a child I seriously believed my parent had two totally different personalities, or was 2 different people... 🤦‍♂️
Nope, a narcissist who will sacrifice you to save themselves, no matter how old you are.

jameschild
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The Jekyll and Hyde term is the first way I ever described my dealings with the 4 major narcissists I have had to deal with, a father, brother, ex-husband and a boss. It describes it perfectly. Their "consistently inconsistent" behavior is meant to constantly throw you off guard and to try to keep you entangled in their love/hate atmosphere. You never knew what version you were going to get but after time their inconsistent behavior became somewhat predictable if you watched for the triggers. I agree that keeping your own moral compass is the key to dealing with that and getting through their snares along with the self preservation methods you have always given. It is like you said, sometimes you just have to accept the relationship for what it is and arrange your exit or if a relative or parent - keep your healthy boundaries and don't feel guilty or allow them to make you feel guilty for that, for you are just disconnecting as much as possible to live a healthy life. We always want what is best for people and even a narcissist will be better off if he is not allowed to abuse you.

gailwood
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"Familiar strangers"--that is a refreshing expression! Yes, we are all interconnected, whether we admit it or not.
You look well in that pastel orange melon shade. It looks happy.

KaarinaKimdaly
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When were you a fly on my wall?! LoL When I once tried to reason with my former companion, he said, “What…are you implying I’m some kind of Jekyll & Hyde?”…YES! He was incapable of being aware of it. His only focus was the ‘good’ things he’d done for me or the assets he brought to the relationship. (“We made a deal…I let you use my cottage and boat, you didn’t lose the weight you said you would”). He was oblivious to the temper tantrums and hair trigger rages. I finally ended it and I’m now dealing with his retaliation/smear campaign. Such a sad, low form of life these people are.

Carmella
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Thank you Dr Carter, I thoroughly enjoy your videos here in Sydney, Australia. My neighbour is a Jekyll and Hyde. In public, he's an angel. In private he's a demon. I feel sorry for his wife. Once again, thank you for sharing.

denisewalker
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"Believe the tyrant". Yes! I kept thinking the cruelty of my covert mother was a huge misunderstanding. It never occurred to me that she'd be doing it on purpose! I was shocked when I finally realised she was an abuser. None of us thought of her that way even though we knew she was the proverbial "mother-in-law from hell" and did us much harm. I was afraid of her but I'm just not suspicious enough ... my natural inclination is to try to understand both sides and reconcile. But she was too deceitful for that.

michelepascoe