Negotiation expert: Lessons from my horse | Margaret Neale | TEDxStanford

Co-author of Getting (More of) What You Want, award winning researcher and management professor Margaret Neale admits she doesn’t always take her own advice. In an honest talk about her personal experience, and based on her philosophy that “you can’t force someone to say yes,” Neale explains why her horse, Sal, may be the best reminder that successful negotiation is not a battle.

Margaret Neale is the Adams Distinguished Professor of Management at the Graduate School of Business at Stanford. She was honored with the Robert T. Davis Award for Lifetime Achievement and has served as the GSB’s academic associate dean. She is the author of over 70 articles, one research series, and four books. Her most recent book co-authored with Thomas Lys, Getting (More of) What You Want, was published by Basic Books last year.

[majid]

This is one of the best TED talks I've watched, thank you Margaret (and Sal) for this valuable lesson

[abigaelrarts]

This is so impt with children. It's up to us as the knowledgeable adults to take responsibility and be flexible and not resign to saying, "they're the kid, i do everything for them, they need to do what i want." Parent and child relationships are partnerships, even if as a parent you feel they need to earn their place in your household.

[SaddleUpAgain]

As a rider who is not a youngster anymore, I no longer have the ability to force a solution on my horse. As a friend told me after I was thrown, "you don't bounce as well as you used to." So horse training for older, more savvy riders is a negotiation founded on building trust and relationship. An added benefit of a trusting relationship is that it supports finding good solutions when new issues arise -- like a bear crossing the trail in front of you.

[aliteiacs]

This is great lesson, not only about negotiations. I saw love, humble and respect increasing since she decided do not give her up. Lovely.

[amberlihartwellacting]

This is an amazing talk so helpful because once you understand the problem the solution reveals itself - thankyou

[HughLlewellyn]

I personally loved this. (Dressage under a western saddle made me smile.)
I went through much the same journey with my hot-blooded, scared-of-his-own-shadow Arabian gelding. I learned how to project calmness, and to relax my body despite my own fears, as my horse tensed, spooked, and leapt under me. So he would understand that I was not afraid, so he didn't need to be. I learned that ASKING him for what I wanted, in a way that didn't threaten him, got me rewards. Forcing him into fight or flight mode caused us both to lose. I ended up with an amazing, responsive, trusting partner of 24 years. I have carried those lessons from training my horse into all other areas of my life. I totally get this video. Thank you. <3

[shelafite]

I thoroughly enjoyed this! Great video, and I learned more from this one than all the others I've watched! Thank you, Margaret Neale.

[zen-ventzi-marinov]

Short notes:

but the difference is that Sal(horse name) now sees me as a source of support and comfort for her. She sees me as someone who will make things happen and keep the bad things away.

focus on solving the problem not winning the battle

the minute you find yourself in a power struggle or a battle in a negotiation you have already lost
We need to have a clear goal but also need to focus on how to get there.

[loueckert]

Damn, what a powerful lesson. Thanks Sal!

[YaqubMohammed]

A very good paradigm shift is imperative in the process of negotiation.

[chiaki]

I love that feeling. It's true that it takes some work developing a relationship and agreement with a powerful animal such as a horse. I love the bond I worked to get with the quarter horse I had growing up. His previous owner would hit him in the face and he was head shy and stubborn. I spent some time showing him that we could make good partners

[Woody]

Terrific story and talk. Thank you Margaret

[robertgabuna]

Thank you, Ma'am! I affirm negotiation requires flexibility; partnership not confrontation; solve problem, not fight.

[z.kuwait]

Enjoyed every bit of this talk! Thank you!

[thehorsebackheroine]

Well well well...what a brilliant analogy Margaret. Thank you for your humility and compassion and as I look at other 'horse talks' in preparation for my own Tedx Folkestone talk in June, I think that you and I are cut from the same cloth:-)

[conniekadansky]

Excellent story teller integrating negotiation skills that are memorable because of visuals.

[lepilotebeaugosse]

It's really great seeing the passion and all, I also have a horse and I speak the same way about mine too, but seriously the talk is about negotiation, and while the analogy with Sal the horse is sort of a valid one, it is also kind of a little far fetched and certainly does not justify spending literally half the time talking about her.

[MUSTAFIZURRAHMAN-urwr]

MARGARET NEALE and PLEASE, keep IT up

[rowanwood]

so the moral of the story is to focus on negotiating a balanced outcome instead of focusing on winning. but how do you apply this to a legal battle, where it is commonplace to try to beat or hurt your opponent? if one side is not striving for balance, it would be much harder to achieve a harmonious ending. or, maybe it really only requires one side to strive for this balance, so long as the one side has the authority of intelligence to achieve this result (such as in the case of speaker with the horse).

[quidich]

Трухан Екатерина Владимировна, можете отвечать пани почаще. Потому то у неё уже сдают нервы и она готова к захвату Польши со своим коллегой Таней!