Giving up all of yourself to a narcissistic relationship

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[shannon]

This was profound. Has anyone else had the experience of being told “you’re no fun anymore” or “that was a joke, why do you take everything so seriously?” When in reality they wore us down, and now we are getting blamed for it.

[fedesperanza]

Sacrificing ourselves to the narcissist, often in the name of "authentic love", leaves us just as empty as they are. The difference is that they fill their inner void with our affection, validation, attention, care, respect, dedication, good qualities and faithful service while we become a hollow shell that sooner or later gets discarded like an orange that 's been squeezed and empitied of its juice.

[NarcSurvivor]

It’s like giving the narcissist a bargain. You’re selling yourself short.

[jm]

I’ve been there. As a girl that’s what society taught me - to give all of yourself to the man you love. And I wanted to be loved so badly. Turns out, doing that just gives people license to decide that all of you isn’t good enough for them.

[tokyomurillo]

Only one reality permitted, that's theirs. Such a powerful statement! And that continues post-breakup. Thank you for another amazing video, Dr Ramani!

[AndyLawrence]

This video resonates with me almost the most out of any of these. The relationship started out as a 50/50 partnership.. I was even afforded a little bit of deference and respect! It took about two years for it to erode to a 100/0. I had to bear every sacrifice, every inconvenience and submit every waking minute of my day to her whims in a desperate attempt to keep the relationship alive. In the end, my 100% still wasn't enough.

After the breakup, it was incredible how much free time I had back to explore hobbies and maintain relationships with my friends. It was like losing an 80 hr/week unpaid job.

[lydiaanderson]

A long time friend, who ironically is a trauma therapist, recently told me that I was the “bright light” of our friend group before I married my abusive narc ex. She then scolded me for losing myself and my friendships. What the heck? If a trauma therapist who really gets the abuse cycle doesn’t see it, then who will? Practically no one who has not been through it. I have been reclaiming myself and my light for the last 10 years, one step at a time. Not fully back to where I was before I was systematically destroyed for over 30 years, but each day I am closer to my true self. A wiser and more healed self. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your brilliance and truth telling which frees us all from shame and blame.

[twinmomma]

When I finally got divorced, and had to get a restraining order because of post separation escalation of the abuse. Once I was actually safe, I was able to laugh again. I quickly realized that I hadn't belly laughed in years when I finally started belly laughing again in a womenspace meeting at a joke someone made. I laughed so hard I cried. Once my mom heard me laugh again she even noticed that my big personality was beginning to come back.

It's incredibly terrifying how much someone can change you, without you even realizing it's happening.

[carolynkepler]

Paradoxically, as those layers peeled away, I added layers of fat. I was ashamed of who I was, I didn’t understand about projection and trauma bonding. Thanks to you Dr Ramani, my true self is emerging. I don’t need to hide my beliefs or feelings. I don’t need to make myself conform to things I don’t believe in.

[Brooksedge]

I’d been renting a home from a suspected narcissist, whom tried to sway me into a “relationship” just to get me to move into their home. Since I’d already pegged the personality type I remained at arms length. Once the discard phase started the person tried to literally evict me from my home but failed for no cause and ended up backfiring by having to pay me damages for Harassment. I eventually moved and still maintain my sense of self for learning to recognize the all important signs. Thank you 🙏🏻

[kristaoregonian]

Could be why I wonder why "I'm not good enough" and I have no hobbies or things that "I find joy in" no outside interests, no friends... because it's "ALL about what makes them video today.

[Niles-Guy]

I’m truly ashamed at the extent of giving myself to the narcissist to only be used, abused and then discarded like trash. And to make matters worse I can’t share with family nor friends the extent of abuse I endured at the hands of narcissist for fear of being judged at how could you let things go this far and suffer at their hands . Thus I grieve and remain in silence

[galamander_]

Kids raised by a narcissistic parent have a difficult time growing their layers at all. Narcs are always trying to bend, warp, stunt, and use the kid for their own nefarious ends. It's a wonder we survive childhood and adolescence at all, let alone develop some depth of character. No wonder I felt so lacking, ill prepared, and disoriented when I escaped the family home at 17. I stumbled around for years trying to figure out why I was so messed up and how not to be. I wish I'd had these Dr. Ramani videos in my youth. I'm so glad to have them now, and I'm glad younger people have them too

[janeloraine]

You have summed up my relationship in few words - the way I disappeared, piece by piece. People don't understand how one gives up so much of themselves. It is a nefarious dismantling process. Thank you for adding the rally cry to heal! 🧡🧡🧡

[maryroot]

Psychological Servitude. Powerful and accurate! Being able to define the abuse is a big part in moving beyond . Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!

[Amanda-ifwn]

Your the most striking woman on the planet I can think of. I wonder if your children even know their mom is a super hero? Thank you for all you do!!!

[Diademischief]

The realization of the complete loss of self post-clarity is daunting, but date yourself, you are beautifully unique and there is nothing wrong with the things you love. You were never holding you back, that relationship was, now you can only bloom.

[larissacats]

Growing up with narcissistic parents made me feel like I don’t exist, like I am nothing and that I don’t even deserve to live. Every achievement I made was theirs but every failure was mine. Growing up as that makes you feel like you are never enough. Even now, years later, after no contact and therapy I still don’t know fully who I am.

[katararose]

Well, it took me 64 years and 10 months to finally walk away from this lifelong cycle. I broke the chain. I found that going no contact was the correct decision for me. I'm in a space now of absolute relief, open mind and open heart and releasing all that heaviness that comes with toxicity. I know to do my homework before getting in any kind of relationship from now on. But I feel this maybe a new beginning for me and maybe, just maybe, find out what's been missing all this time. Me! Humpty Dumpty has to find all his pieces and put them back together again. If not for you I would have never gotten this far. You brought me the knowledge to undertake this impossible task. I can't believe it! I'm stunned and overjoyed. Now just one careful step at a time. Thank you from t he bottom of my heart! 💖

[michelesmith]

Oh, good Lord - THIS was my life with the narc. 22 years later, and I am still healing. SO grateful for your videos, Dr. Ramani!!