This Mistake Teaches Your Toddler to Whine

At some point, your toddler is going to start whining when they want things. It's inevitable. But how you respond has a very real impact on how often they whine for things, and how severe it gets.

Toddlers are learning to communicate effectively. They are constantly experimenting to see what works and what doesn't. When something gets them a positive result, they do it more. When a behaviour doesn't deliver a positive result, they do it less.

This is why it's important to avoid the mistake you'll learn about in this video when your toddler starts to whine and complain. By avoiding this mistake, you'll help reduce the frequency and severity of their complaining. You'll also learn what you can do instead when your child does complain, to help direct them to more positive behaviours instead.

As always, I hope this helps!

#emmahubbard #toddlertantrums

00:00 - 00:37 : Why Your Child Whines
00:38 - 02:20 : Stop Accidentally Rewarding Whining
02:21 - 03:17 : Encourage Calm Communication from the Start
03:18 - 04:54 : Handling Whining: What to Do When It Begins
04:55 - 07:72 : Dealing with Whining Right from the Start

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[unknownunknown]

Watching this to learn how to deal with my coworkers.

[Ark-Angel]

As a former camp counselor I had to train 20-5 year olds on Day 1 not to whine. I improvised. At the first whine, I looked at the child completely😮 confused look on my face. I told them I couldn't understand them, it's like they were speaking another language. (Took a wild guess- what young child doesn't want to be understood?) I asked them if they could speak to me with their other voice. Instant switch back. Rewarded with understanding and relief. No more whiny voice. Repeated when needed.

[Blahsaurus]

I didn't know how difficult it was to be a mom until I became one. You are learning along with your child.

[Speshulsawce]

Told my 2 year old to say "please help" now I hear it 5000 times a day

[TheHarryMoose]

It was tough sometimes, but my wife and I made it a point to NEVER give our kids what they wanted if they whined about it. Our answer WOULD NOT change no matter how persistent they were, and sometimes we even told them "the answer would have been yes if you had asked politely."

People say we're "so lucky" that our kids are polite and well-behaved, and they can't understand why theirs aren't, while they go right on letting their kids beat them into submission. 🤦

[Hector-bjls]

There are 30 year olds that never learned whining isn't how you're supposed to communicate.

[ashikvinod]

When toddler start with tantrums immediately stop what you are doing and run for your life. Keep calm while you are running

[alykadane]

I don't know how other people think, but when I was watching the video, I quietly said it to myself, it seems work with adults too. Those who know how to complain, and do it relentlessly (Perhaps in a less whiny way), seem to get what they want more often. Most people can't handle all these and when it comes to the point where giving them what they want becomes the easier solution, they usually just do that. It really isn't just the kids.

[SuperHansburger]

You know what's crazy? i'm autistic, and as I watch your videos trying to learn the best ways to raise my daughter, I keep telling myself "Hey, I know that! That's the same advice we give to handle an autistic person". And it's really a constant pattern. I think they are so similar because they all boil down to the same concept: learn to communicate properly with someone who themselves have trouble communicating with other people. Autistic people struggle to communicate because our brains are wired differently than NT people, and children struggle to communicate because they haven't learned to properly communicate yet. Different reasons, but same problem, and same solutions 😊

[paulgaras]

It’s like my phone heard my 2 year old flipping her lid about I don’t even know what…
Good reminders thank you.

[crinna]

Good video. I have ABA in the household for my older child and it has taught me a few things for my youngest

I usually try to redirect with a first-then statement if I am unable to act on a request immediately. Request made- sure I'll get you a glass of water but first can you (insert simple task like fetch me a towel) It gives me a chance to stop what I'm doing. It also makes having your needs met associated with also meeting The needs of others.

I've also noticed kids don't really have a good perception of time. I've used the first- then strategy Get my youngest to set a timer on the fridge for 1 minute. Even before she was two she was able to do this. She will patiently watch the numbers tick down and then get what she requested. Now that she's five five I can even set it for 20 minutes for some request without any hassle.

I also use first-then for snacks " can I have a cookie?" "Sure you can have a cookie but first you have to go give one to your sister" My child now Will say no Thank you to a cookie if she doesn't have one to share with her sister.

If I do have an instance of whining after being denied a preferred item, I directly tell my child that Even if I wanted to give it to them, I could not give them something in while they are in the "red zone" So all I can give them is comfort at this moment. Believe it or not it works. It seems overly technical But it really gets through to my youngest child.

[KendallMiller-jejk]

This works. I will encourage my daughter to use her “big girl voice”- then I’ll act out what that sounds like (“water, please, mama”) - before I get her what she wants. Now she understands what I expect because I model it and I can now remind her to use her “big girl voice”. It’s a part of a larger connected lesson on what it means to be a “big girl” -using the potty, sharing, eating all her dinner, etc. - and sets expectations of her behavior.

[MisterPokeylope]

The easy situations are when your child wants something you're willing to give them. The harder ones are when the child wants something you don't want to give them.

[riokobeforever]

This is Appropriate For Many Adults Too Sadly Enough😢

[chrisjac]

I bet Bandit and Chili listened to this lady a lot. She has solid advice, advice that I needed.

[AlexandraBocanet-fz]

I am learning so much from you. Though I don’t have any kids, I am taking notes for the time I will. Thank you for all the advices!

[anid]

At least the child in scenario is able to convey what she wants, whine or not. My baby sister couldn't do it as a toddler, not even whine. She basically just screamed for hours every single time she wants something or is unhappy. She also screamed the house down when she gets told what to do. She did not want to talk at all. I asked her recently why she did that and she said that she didn't know how to convey what she wanted but screaming seemed to get the job done. Plus, she realised from age of 3 onwards, that the world did not revolve around her so that's also why she has been emo since age 3. My mother never gave in to her screaming though. Even talking to her calmly didn't work because she wouldn't stop screaming. My baby sister excelled at pushing people's buttons in her toddler years.

[Fverheijden]

Thank you! Will work on this. This issue recently started with my 2, 5 year old. Your other videos helped me a lot. So I trust this will work. With your tips I reduced problems, fights, tantrums to almost nothing before. Thanks!

[Nao]

This is a gem . Thank you very much . This is so much needed in this world to make a better place . An art to properly nurture a person to become their best version needs to be spread accross the world

[emilywixom]

So helpful! I would love to know what to do when the request is something you don’t want to fulfill (ever, not just immediately). If they whine for a very long time and then eventually ask politely, I sometimes feel tempted to cave in even if it’s something I don’t want them to have.