The Ugly Truth About Depression... (What Nobody Will Tell You)

Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked

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This video is for educational and documentary purposes only and is not intended to treat or diagnose. The opinions expressed are that of the individual in the video and nobody else. Please consult a health care professional for all mental and physical healthcare needs.

I Noah Thomas, the creator of this channel, have been diagnosed hypogonadism by a medical doctor and legally prescribed the medically indicated treatment of Testosterone Replacement Therapy.

My Story

My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a medication called VIVITROL and consequently, spiraled into a suicidal depression with depersonalization and anxiety. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who, along with many siblings and friends, had to watch me 24/7 as I was a danger to myself. Eventually I was hospitalized in the Psych Ward for a week. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different doctor prescribed SSRI's SNRI's Tricyclics, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I had an explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started legally prescribed testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 6 years, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Treating my low testosterone has been 1 HUGE part of the puzzle but I have had to continue to work hard to hold on to my mental stability with many set backs. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need I was able to successfully come off my Seroquel and Pamelor.

I work out all the time as a part of my mental health recovery!!! Weight training and all kinds of cardio rule much of my free time and I also share this on my channel.

Noah Thomas (bignoknow) is an affiliate of LetsGetChecked

[annd.h.]

surviving, but not living, just existing

[Brickinasock]

Depression will force you into places in your mind that, if given the choice, you would never visit. Guys. Remember. Even if you are clinically depressed, life is worth living. You will find a way to enjoy life. Your life will not be less enjoyable than someone who does not have depression. It's strange and hard to explain, but I've been there. Things have become better. Life is okay.

[annahasty]

Finally someone tells the truth. Thank you.

[thiswillbringuscloser]

I honestly am so incredibly grateful for Noah's videos. He says everything exactly the way it is . He gives advice based on his own personal experiences, and I am more than thankful for his realness. I found his videos when I was at my lowest point. Depersonalised, anxious and depressed, and at the time I had no idea what was happening to me. More importantly, I felt so alone. But watching his videos made me feel like finally someone understood exactly how I feel. And for that, I can't thank him enough.

[cahenglish]

Thank you, Noah. Truer words have never been spoken. I'm 62 and my first major depressive episode was when I was 14 years old. It's been horrible, it's been less horrible. I've had great friends and some happy days. I've lost jobs. I've felt like a loser my whole life. Sometimes meds worked for a while; mostly they didn't - today I don't even consider taking them. I have some great memories. I have had people I love and respect, love and respect me. I've had people shy away on my worst days and others who walked beside me (when I would allow them in) during some dark days. I've exhausted friends who had to take a break. I've laughed my ass off and cried my soul empty. I've danced like a fool (remember disco? lol) and stayed in bed all day. You're right; some get better quickly; some take longer; some learn how to cope and keep themselves as mentally and emotionally healthy as possible no matter how long it takes. One thing I did was not quit looking for relief and effective treatments. This month I'm ending - in a good way - two years of weekly sessions with a therapist who saved my life. Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a ketogenic diet, mindfulness and meditation, and a realistic assessment of where I stand, I'm living a life that's much more good than bad, much more satisfying than desperate. Do I have days when I think about jumping off a bridge? Yep. But I don't. Do I have days that are happy and fulfilling and blessed by some significant relationships? Yep; and I treasure them. I have a chronic illness, like many do, whether emotional or physical, and I cope. I manage the bad days and enjoy the hell out of the good days. Thanks for your openness and honesty. You're correct; this kind of thing is not said enough. Why don't doctors say, "Roll up your sleeves, boy, you have some hard work ahead and if you can't get complete healing from your disease, you can learn to live your best life possible." I am doing that and while 62 seems awful late to have learned the lessons I have, I'm happy to have finally learned them and I"m honestly looking forward to senior years that surprise me with how good they are.

[daniellemarkiewicz]

omg perfect. if one more person says you will be "fine". fine = fucked up; insecure; needy; emotionally unstable.

[Emmastayofftheinternet]

so true. it never goes away. treatment resistance and all. fuck this I'm tired of just surviving. I agree it fucking sucks

[alexandrak]

You know the worst thing about depression is the pressure and expectation to get better quickly. It's so painful that instead of accepting it and sitting with it we try so hard to get rid of it and when it doesn't go we panic more and lose hope and send the brain into more chaos. When we allow ourselves to feel like crap and let nature take over, time will eventually heal.

[ChrisfPS]

My depression is like stormy weather. Some days the weather is good...sometimes its a hurricane.  Having a plan for weathering the storm is very important.  Diabetics have sick day plans...same goes for depression....just be ready.

[adam.muzzik]

Very true. People told me about remission as well and it never came. I'm feeling better after over 10 years of trial and error. It's hard but we can and will survive!!

[shiningsoulx]

Noah i get tears in my eyes while i watch this... ive been almost 5-6 years being a depressed person, negative.. its not always been bad but i dont know how to handle it anymore!!! Thanks for your videos... hugs from spanish girl

[TakeItorLeaveItReviews]

So grateful Noah for your honesty yet compassion and empathy, that combination is extremely rare, I appreciate it brother!

[kassiep]

this has to be one of the best youtube videos ive ever seen. ive never ever met or heard of anyone as messed up as me! it gives me hope now ive found someone whos been through as bad as i am and i can see in his eyes that what he has been through has caused him alot of truma and i have the same look in my eyes. mental health issues are real hell

[sarap]

I've suffered from depression since I was about 8 years old. I am now 33. For the last month or so I have been very depressed. I am barely holding on right now! I have pretty much lost all hope and have been looking for a way out! This SUCKS!! I can't deal with this much longer!

[jenmart]

I want to thank you for putting everything out there and actually being real. I’m in a state right now where I’m so fucking pissed because after all the meds and therapy, I believed in this “miraculous” experimental treatment of ketamine infusions and spent a lot of money that once again didn’t work for my treatment resistant depression. It’s not about the money spent though, it’s about all the hope I was given by the doctor, all the clinical trials that seemed too good to be true and I bought it. I’ve been dealing with this bullshit disease for a year and nothing works, yet everyone fills you with all this hope that makes you feel even worse every time something promising once again turns out to be nothing. No one is real enough to tell you that. To tell you that you have to pick your ass up and do this work yourself because sometimes that’s all that’ll save you. I’ve watched so many of your videos and wished it hadn’t taken me so damn long to find your channel honestly, but thank you for being someone who understands through experience and refuses to sugarcoat, yet somehow still seems to offer hope for us hopeless. Much love.

[johnjourneys]

Thank you Noah. I've been dealing with depression for years. I was suicidal back in June. I got scared as I contemplated jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was tired of fighting. Something inside me kept me from following through. I talked to a friend and told him I want to try medication. Long story short I'm on Nortriptaline which seems to smooth out the up and downs. Thank you again for your encouragement.

[shg]

I have just realized that it’s been over 10 years. Something has to change

[jayyo]

Thanks mate.
I'm five years deep with low-grade depression and I get 1 or 2 acute episodes a year (lasting a few weeks).
I don't think it will ever end but every time I give up I watch your videos and they give me energy to keep fighting.
Thanks.

[summerreyes]

I so enjoy the comfort your words bring...I am in a very dark place right now, with no support network or friends/family
and honestly don't know if I'll get through the other side.
I sometimes feel that depression is like a sea, that tries to
drag you under and somedays you just feel like giving in.
It gives me so much relief to know that some sufferers
have a family or a friend to turn to and aren't barely existing
like myself...Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I wish
all the people on here well..🌷

[peaceandlove]

We will make it through this illness. Dealing with this pain makes you feel so not want to be here. I just want it to STOP!!! I pray go for walks every day. Please just keep yourself busy!! Try not to be alone because this is when the monster becomes unbearable. Get up go!! Love you guys. One day at a time.