5 social norms I ditched as a neurodivergent

Social norms are something we tend to adhere to without giving it much thought, but often, these unexamined social norms can rob us of our peace and our authentic self.

In this video I break down 5 social norms that I experimented with letting go of and it turned out - I have never felt lighter or more happy. I'm not suggesting you should ditch these social norms too (unless you want to), but there's probably some social norms that you're following that are draining you of your time, energy and resources.

Consider this your invitation to start letting them go!

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[SimplyWellMedia]

"Whatever I'm leaving the house to go to had better be more interesting or valuable than the time that I could spend sitting on my couch with my dog"
AMEN to that!! 100%!!

[eileenjohnston]

I ditched Christmas. What a relief! The pressures of this holiday drained my soul.

[jonmars]

In terms of fashion, I'm in my 60s and I still wear the exact same kinds of clothes that I did when I was 13. Sneakers, faded blue Levi's 501s, t-shirts that say nothing and hoodies. It works, it's always worked and it always will work for me. In other words, I'm blissfully oblivious to fashion.

[loricahamata]

Thank you for sharing!
Clothing hauls 1:15
Hustle over self-care 4:20
Making sleep secondary 6:15
Busy social calendar 7:07
Friendships being forever 9:19

[claudable]

I am in my early 70’s and can tell you that with age you begin to realize that social norms are no longer important

[beautifullifesageg.]

I shared with a lifelong friend when I realized I was neurodivergent…and I haven’t heard from her since. It shocked me. But I decided to just let that be. I have newer friends I shared this with who have remained close and expressed loving curiosity. Holding on to them.

[rixatrix]

I had a falling out with a group of three other female friends about 7 years ago. In retrospect, it wasn’t a healthy group, but I took it hard. Went back to therapy to sort through it. I just felt a lot of shame.

Then I met a new group of three other women. They’re all supportive, non-judgmental, fun, chill, and interesting. We’ve gotten really close over the last 6 years or so. Unsurprisingly, one at a time, all four of us have been diagnosed as neurodivergent as adults, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. 😂

[sonyaparkin]

I will not wear uncomfortable fabrics or clothes that look good but feel uncomfortable. No way!!

[claudable]

I worked for years to keep a friendship with a family member, which was very toxic for me. So this year I walked away from continuing to try to have a relationship. Today I am so much better off

[majonkie]

I quit wearing makeup and I feel so much better!

[brianwright]

I was diagnosed with autism and adhd last year. I'm currently 48. It was a huge relief because I feel like I found the missing piece of myself I've been searching for my whole life. My social maturity is all over the place. If I'm at work or someone brings up an interest, I will talk your ear off. If I'm somewhere new, in a crowd, or overwhelmed the selective mutism comes out. Over the years, I reached a point where I told myself it is not my responsibility to break an awkward silence. If I don't feel like talking, I won't and that is OK. I won't chase friendships. I let them form and end organically. If i have a gut feeling about someone i listen to it. I struggle to read people but that gut feeling has never been wrong. The only person I need is myself. Once I learned that I haven't felt lonely since. I'm agoraphobia so I don't like leaving my comfort zones. When I do, I try to go with someone I trust because it eases my anxiety. I also make sure I have me time to rest after those outings. If I got to go alone, I have some earplugs on my Keychain, or I wear my noise canceling headphones. Those headphones have been one of the best investments I've made in a long time. I have very sensitive hearing, and in noisy environments it's like I'm deaf because my brain tries processing every sound. People who talk negatively when I'm around never even realize I hear every word as if they said it right to me. If I don't want to do something, I won't do it. Any pressure just causes me to dig my heels in and mountains will move before I change my mind.

As for clothes I don't care about fashion. I like comfortable and practical. If the fit of something is off, or I don't like the material I won't wear it. I try to buy shirts without tags, but if they have them I always cut them off. When I find something comfortable, I will usually buy it in bulk. I much prefer just reaching in the drawer to get the next shirt and not wasting energy wondering if something matches. I like the color gray, so almost everything I own is gray. I hate suits. They don't fit right and are not comfortable. I hate dress shoes and I'll usually buy work shoes that are common for doctors or service staff. I actually prefer wearing reinforced toe workboots most of the time. They are required for my job, and I find them more comfortable than tennis shoes. I also never leave the house without a hat. My brother turned me on to flat caps for times when baseball hats aren't acceptable.

I'm at a point in my life where I don't care much what people think of me. I try to say what needs to be said and don't care if people feel offended. I don't like lying or liars. I try to be a good person, but I'll be a monster if i have to. My sense of humor is described as outlandish. When people don't get it I tell them it's to amuse me, not them. My family and friends accept me for who I am. I won't waste energy on those that don't like me or think I'm a creep. Life is too short to worry about what other people think.

[flamesintheattic]

Social events are annoying because I not only lose that day or evening but I lose the next day when I feel totally hungover from the energy it takes. So I lose two days that could have been used working towards my goals and interests. I've never found it is really all that worth it.

[michaelbuelow]

I kicked a social norm in my twenties. I stopped the annual torture of Christmas cards. Keeping a list. Worrying if I was forgetting someone. Agonizing over someone on the list that I don't really interact with anymore. Choosing an appropriate card that is "nice enough." Sitting still and addressing them all.

[Rob_]

I’m having a MASSIVELY DIFFICULT time trying to release myself from the BIG IMPORTANT CAREER= self-worth. My wife works and we have enough money and I do lots to contribute to our life….but as a male with a couple degrees and always being pushed to achieve, I simply cannot get over guilt of “underperforming” in life.

[ARichardP]

I know a number of people who seem to think that having a busy social calendar is all important. I find it exhausting. I used to feel guilty or even ashamed if I didn’t go out all the time. Less so now. It’s just hustling for worthiness.

[enlightndark]

We are not consumers. We are are guardians of the galaxy. We just need to find our wings.

[ElephantPatronus]

I feel like I’m always the one that has to reach out in order to keep friendships going. It’s exhausting. And why can’t they reach out? Why does it always have to be me reaching out or it’s crickets? 🦗
I’m not doing it anymore.

[davidmitchell]

Friendships are not forever as most things are not. Sadly it takes a lot of life experience to finally figure that out.

[dovalflavia]

9:42 this made my head spin so hard I'm almost nauseous, just this week I decided to stop working so hard to maintain a friendship that's honestly not good for me anymore, and hearing this only increased the relief that came with letting go of this weird and taxing relationship.

[TomSLAMG]

Letting go of East coast norms when I moved to the west coast took me 15 years. It took another 10 years to kick dirt over the Gen X pressure. I’m so much happier now!! Thanks for the reminder to think about the why and act on it.