Demonizing narcissists isn't helping anyone. #narcissist #narcissism #npd #mentalhealth

Igor Weinberg, expert on personality disorders and suicidal behaviors.

Part of a series of interviews with experts on personality disorders.

[LexRex]

Society creates narcissists and then complains there are narcissists.

[Corina-dqmy]

A lot of people profoundly misunderstand what NPD actually is. It took me a long time to understand them. But I absolutely understand why people dislike them. But they need to be more objective.

[CorePathway]

Demonizing doesn’t help because nothing helps.

[elizabethowens]

People who are Always screeching narcissist get my side eye too. I have found narcissist are often the ones claiming they're the victim of narcissistts

[sweetsourr]

I appreciate what you do on your channel.

I empathize with people who have NPD and I hope one day the name is changed. I see people with NPD as humans who’ve learned to adapt in toxic environments the best way they knew how as children. They’re people who have different defense mechanisms.

It’s unfortunate that every “toxic” person gets labeled as a narcissist. When people are demonized why would they get help? Just my thoughts

[TomeRodrigo]

It's because many of these people who write these books are affected by emotions of hatred. When I started to make more neutral videos about narcissism (on my other channel) as a disorder that is not a person's fault, people stopped watching my videos immediately and gave me bad comments, because I didn't feed into their hatred and "god punishment" nonsense.

[le_th_]

I'll say it again: SNAKES IN SUITS is about PSYCHOPATHS the subtitle is literally "When Psychopaths Go To Work". smh

[heartspacerelaxations]

Agree, thank you. It literally in some cases demonises these people and others on cluster B. Many causes of same cluster of disorders, just like many causes of brain damage leading to brain injury. Any that damage cortex will impact empathy and relating. People call them lazy and all sorts of extremely over simplified things. Partial Fetal alcohol syndrome is an almost perfect match for borderline, which overlaps somewhat with NPD. They could have brain-relational damage due to any number of things outside their control. Have compassion at the least. Aim higher, it’s not beyond human ability to help these people.

[Twinkie]

Mental Healness is a great place for narcissists to learn about their disorder on YouTube. He is a diagnosed narc, but he also doesn't sugarcoat things for either side of the fence. The idea that narcissists who want help should have resources is a good one- but only the ones who can examine their harmful behavior have any chance of healing. Otherwise, they just want self-pity and an excuse.

[Previouslyknownasovcean]

This comment section is horrible and absolutely revolting

My abusive toxic stepmother was most likely a narcissist or Borderline. I went thought verbal, physical and emotional abuse from her. She abused her son the most, who also SAd me. She was abusive to my dad and her ex. Basically no one in her life liked her. She was extremely manipulative. I have moved on from her and ill never forgive her for what she did to me. HOWEVER.

I don't want to wish death upon people like her or the people with the disorder she had. Its a literal mental disorder that she very much didn't want. I know from her many mental breakdowns that she was clearly suffering just as much. And many more narcissists cant help having this disorder, which is most often caused by childhood trauma!

And you guys just call any abusive or shitty person a "narcissists" even when they arent daignosed with it. Its just a insult you use to any person who is shitty. Its funny that ppl want to stop using words like "scizo" or "autistic" as insults but justify using "narcissist" to describe bad ppl who many times don't even meet up to any of the daignostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. Seriously yall

There are many ppl who have been in abusive relationships with autistic ppl. MANY. We can often come off as cold, have no empathy, lash out at ppl, have a skewed view of morality and not understand how our actions hurt others. However you see NO ONE talk about "autistic abuse", like ever. I literally don't understand why you guys are so biased on what mental disorders you want to support and which you dont.

And what even is your obsession with narcissism content so much? Like I swear youre probably more obsessed with your old shitty ex more than they were with themselves lmao. That whole genre of content just gives me really uncomfortable vibes.

Yes, im sorry your asshole ex was a asshole to you, but he abused you because he was a shitty person. No need to blame and stigmatize his literal mental disorder and others who have this it.

Yes, dont show empathy to the narcissist themselves. Dont show emphathy to what they did to you. Just be emphathetic to other people who suffer from the disorder. Stigmatizing NPD will only cause the ppl with it to not get help. And trust me, there ARE many who are getting help. Yall who stigmatize npd are just as bad if not worse than the ones who have the disorder. Be more empathetic towards the disorder, not the person who had it

[Kittycatz]

People really just replace the word abuser with narcissist and think they mean the same thing. Most narcissists are not abusers and most abusers are not narcissists. An abuser doesn’t need a mental illness in order to be a terrible person

[shaneclinger]

You don't need to demonize narcissists they do that just fine all by themselves.

[timetraveller]

Im glad you have come forward with this very real problem. A book entitled "How to Kill a Schizophrenic Partner" would be considered very wrong. What uf im the narcissist and I dont know it, as many narcissists do not.

[emalsinoel]

I swear it’s always the same people complaining about how mental health doesn’t get represented properly and who will say shit like “depression is a deep and scarring mental illness, people can’t help what they do while suffering from it” that will also say shit like “all Narcissists are just mean or abusers.” And this is coming from someone who suffers from depression. Don’t cherry pick your mental health support

[freedomspromise]

Stay away from them.
Far away.
Never allow them back in once they are gone.

[cargo_]

As someone with NPD, BPD & CPTSD, thank you.

[oriricha]

Demons don’t exist, only severely traumatized souls. Why shouldn’t they get the opportunity to get better? Why should they be viewed as “broken” for ever? I won’t accept that. Everyone deserves understanding and love.

[shannonfarley]

I have no remorse for people such as this that destroy ur life and character

[brandonmcalpin]

The problem with all of these groups, channels and books is the fact that NPD is relatively rare. As low as 0.5% of the population. They estimate it to be only as high as 5%, to compensate for those undiagnosed. With that in mind, it’s statistically impossible for so many people to know a person with NPD, let alone multiple. Abuse groups are perfectly fine, they’re a light in the world, but to diagnose your ex with a rare mental illness, is just wrong, on so many levels.

People with NPD suffer, immensely. They’re deeply troubled people and now, collectively demonized and despised, only adding to their suffering. I’m willing to wager that majority of those claiming to have been with a narc, were not. Roughly, for every 100 or more people you know personally, only one might be a Narcissist. Let that sink in. I’m also willing to bet these people could not point out a narcissist in the real world. Most of you may think they’re bipolar, even therapists confuse the two.

As a Narcissist, I’m not denying we can be abusive and a nightmare to be with. I’m not saying we can’t inflict immense suffering to those we love, because I most definitely have “blood on my hands”, so to speak. I’m aware of what our defense mechanisms look like, but I can sincerely say, speaking for myself, I didn’t do anything intentionally. I didn’t fake my love, I truly felt them.

Now, it’s debatable whether that love was based in reality or in fantasy. That much has validity, but either way, it’s unconscious and actually inflicts as much pain upon me as it does you. It’s shared devastation. Because to me, I loved you, everything you said and did was utterly adorable, you were everything to me. In some cases, I’d even say I almost worshipped you.

I would die giving you everything you could ever need, sacrifice hours of sleep just to be there for you if you needed to just talk. I’d be your rock, your mountain, an immovable force, and your haven to just unravel before me without judgement and without fear. You are safe.

But then, one day… That began to disintegrate. I gradually began to see you as annoying, attention seeking, clingy, controlling, eventually malicious and malevolent. This obviously is when I begin treating you accordingly. This happens to me, suddenly and I don’t know why. I can’t control it. I can’t stop it despite countless failed attempts to bring that perfect princess version of you back.

It’s actually traumatizing. For both of us. But imagine that this happens every single time I fall in love and I CANNOT stop it. I hate it. I refuse to date now, I refuse to befriend anyone, I isolate just to protect myself and others. It’s a lonely disorder, stripping away everything you have.

I know now that this happens because NPD is almost like a Fantasy disorder or a disassociation disorder. We live in a perfect simulation of reality, at all times. Unrealistic and unattainable goals, aspirations, and ideals of love. Everything is centered around perfection. Narcissus didn’t fall in love with a reflection of himself, this is inaccurate. He fell in love with a distorted, false image of perfection and he died trying to bring it into reality. THIS is what NPD actually is.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk 😂

PS: If anything I said provoked a strong emotional response from you, as in it reopened a wound from a previous relationship, that doesn’t necessarily mean it was at the hand of a Narcissist, but it could be. I just want to mention, I may be a special case(duh) so don’t start thinking you can get this out of your ex. You most likely won’t. I’m this way, because my previous engagement(one described above), collapsed me. It destroyed me and opened my eyes, but only after a few years of denial, acceptance, repeat. This occurred because I saw her as special.

It wasn’t just some random girl, that I might’ve smooth talked because she’s hot, only to see that she’s basic after a few weeks or months. That’s a core trait of NPD, feeling special and only wishing to associate with those who are special because they can “see” you. My “love bombing phase” or “idealization phase” lasted well over a year and it was intense af, never letting up or fading. It was intense even for me. Any other relationship was mild in comparison but I guess any woman who’s receiving that kind of attention and adoration will think it’s intense and high emotions. 🤷‍♂️

The point I want to send is, you might have been that basic girl to him. If he ghosts you out of nowhere or cheated on you, he probably didn’t see you as special. This is one of the things I hate the most to admit, but we do tend to do that. I haven’t in ages though, for my own grandiose reasons. I prefer high quality women, women who are the the other half of my bereaved soul. I will go long periods of time being single until I find my special person. So, unless you’re that “special” one for him, where you closely resemble his Fantasy, and reflect that back to him consistently, he likely won’t self reflect at all. I just didn’t want to send the wrong message, giving hope where there is none.

But I digress. This is why I don’t like the idea of blocking someone permanently, unless they physically abused you. Because they may be like me, wanting to offer closure, to give you space to openly talk about how their abuse hurt you, while they confess to you what they’ve done. Not to win anyone back, because that’s manipulation, not reconciliation.

It’s about making things right, because anyone who endures this, deserves to hear it from the person, face to face. No cowardly behavior like texting it. Be a man and look her in the eyes as she cries and tells you, in excruciating detail, about how much you hurt her. You sit there, listen, ask questions and make her feel heard, seen and understood.

But… this never happens, because you may have them blocked everywhere. Or if you’re in one of these groups, you may ignore his offer, because you’re being told he’s trying to suck you back in and control you. I’m probably projecting a little, because I offered this and I was ignored. Lol.

[ceceliadavis]

My opinion of a Narcissistic individual is that they have a plethora of psychological disorders. The repititious pattern they have in relationships, for example. Doing the same thing over and over with different people until it gets the result they want; is self- sabotaging. It's their fantasy.
They are not unintelligent by any means. Every thing they do seems to be planned in advance, they have their own playbook about how things should go.
Do they just cause someone pain, or are they in pain that is just as bad or worse than they have caused?

I don't believe most people are equipped to deal with a Narcissist. A psychiatrist may be, but even that is questionable. The Narcissist has a bag of tricks a normal person would never even imagine.