Rituals for Breakups - Esther Perel

Rituals are used during and after breakups and divorces as a way to help us internalize that our relationship is over but WE are not.

--

[jasminschults]

My ritual is watching documentaries and talks about breakups.. helps me realize its perfectly normal to feel the way I feel...It happens to everyone... that this pain is shared.

[shemseh]

I celebrated my break up anniversary, very proud of myself for being able to make it single after so many years in relationships, and not only make it but thrive, putting myself first and happiest than ever 💖

[aliciab]

My girlfriends gave me a "happy divorce" party decades ago and it completely reframed the situation for me.

[Monochromatification]

I asked my close friends to give post-break up suggestions and while most of them were good (and I followed through on all I could) my favourite was being asked to shave my hair into a mohawk. So I did (my housemate helped get the sides and back right). The very same day, I went into a grocery store and the cashier said "you look so cool", and it was such a wonderful moment that I actually forgot about my break-up and just basked in the feeling of being seen and the awareness that there was so much more to life yet to enjoy.

So I definitely recommend post-break up rituals of some form. Anything to remind you that you are you, and not just the vestige of a failed pairing.

[yvonnemagliocco]

The love of my life just ended our 6 yr, long distance (1 1/2 hrs away) relationship. I’m devastated. 😪. We were both givers. He taught me how to receive. And I’m forever grateful of that. But the pain is so intense and actually becoming more physical as time progresses. 💔💔💔🙏🏼

[jvm-tv]

Esther's wisdom is so nourishing.

[priyankadeyray]

Esther Perel, we need more on how to cope with the pain of break ups

[karenborden]

"The relationship maybe over but we are not over." I love this because I'm ending a relationship and didn't have the words to use that would save the friendship. These are the words I will use to begin this important dialog. Thank you Esther!

[NoTrafficLights]

I binge watched Grace and Frankie's non stop during my divorce, something about seeing those two mature women connecting over this loss of their partners and figuring out how to start the new chapters of their lives made me feel like life is not over
Sometimes art heals 💜

[arianna_ca]

Brilliant. 3 focus areas after a breakup are work, distractions, and connections. Love the example of a breakup party and how your friend turned an isolating experience into a communal one. I hope many people find this wisdom and use it.

[skyyy]

Two weeks into the breakup. I’m living in my flat that we set up together over this past year. Every single item in this house (except the room heater since the breakup happened before winter got freezing), every single household item and every single ritual (the brushing teeth at night, then brewing of coffee in the morning, the entangling of feet under the covers) is now done alone. It is a physical kind of pain. But thank you Esther I was beginning to forget that the relationship is done but I’m not ❤

[TokioTE]

I never tell people when I'm going through a breakup. One time I mentioned it to a work friend and she then bought me a drink :') the shared teas and alcohol were really helpful, I never knew the importance of communal breakup rituals before then.

[annstewart]

I tossed out and gave away everything that reminded me of him and our life together. I am at ground zero and rebulding slowly. Great video.

[SeanTheDon]

I’m going through a breakup right now, this was extremely helpful. Thank you as always Esther ❤️

[ramirenriquez]

Always do our best to remember, we don't own anyone. We can love, nurture, plan the future with them but don't forget that things and people will change including ourselves. Establish your self-awareness first as much as possible before meeting someone or like what Esther said, maybe even during meeting someone (since according to Esther we don't get better at self-improvement by being alone or doing it alone, we learn when we get with someone too - more effective way of learning). Work with your identity and the more you know yourself, the less anxiety you'll feel when someone leaves.

[marmaladeatkins]

I love that idea of the break up party.

[tielee]

I have a volume of poetry dedicated to my last breakup. I wrote it mostly to release my emotions. I also wrote a goodbye letter to my ex but never sent it. This exercise certainly helped & healed me. When I look back it makes me realise I've certainly moved on.

[alyssaarana]

My friend always makes her breakups rituals and practices and I always thought that was so strange. Now it makes so much more sense❤️

[hopezhang]

Just been through a breakup of a long-distance relationship because he cheated. He flew over from his city and we had meals at places we wanted to go, went to shops we said we were gonna visit and I wrote a journal about what I loved and could not bear about him. He said he was sorry and that he did loved me and wanted this to work.
It was good enough for me to finally draw a closure to the indecisiveness over the past month.

Now time to: work, distract and connect.

[rogerconnolly]

I used to cleanse my life of their objects as she said. When My marriage ended at 53 after 20 years I bought myself a guitar as a present and took lessons and can now play the guitar.

I did other things generally around the principle of deciding to make the best of what lay ahead. Very soon I began to earn money that I had never earned before in my life. Onwards and upwards. I even made my peace with her a few years later and my children invite me round when she is out, with her blessing.