Stop lending people money ( friends and family )

Lending friends and family money is dangerous and even more dangerous is starting a business with a friend or a family member in good faith.

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1. Changes the Relationship
- In my entire family, I’m one of the youngest ( but also the oldest because I learn from a lot of old people )
- And the first time I ever lent anyone money was my cousin
- I lent him somewhere around $700 to $1000 around four years ago ( 6-7 years older )

Here is why and the facts:
- He had a job but was having a problem staying above water with all the bills ( something about a phone bill I remember)
- And he also had a girlfriend or something like that
- And the idea was, hey I’ll borrow this money from you and pay you back on weekly bases to finish fast ( and he did that for a while )

Then something else:
- He knew I was a photographer at the time ( aka I had a camera and could take pictures )
- And ask me to help him with his wedding and he would pay me
- I did the wedding and sent him the pictures and boom

The results:
- He stopped calling and never paid me the loan or wedding
- When I spoke to his mom, my aunt, she said that she was embarrassed and he was also embarrassed but he just doesn’t have the money
- So it went from me looking up to my older cousin to me just disappointed

Ending:
- He texts randomly every few months or years and tells me his going to pay me back ( but that’s yet to happen )
- We use to speak frequently but now we don’t
- It changes the relationship ( debtor is always a slave to the lender)

2. I recommend you don’t do it ( but do it right if you're going to do it ) and prepare to lose the entire relationship
- You need a contract, text is cool for verbile agreements but they are not enough
- If you are going to lend a family member money you need to have a promissory note ( a contract that declares that the person agrees to pay you and is notarised )

What happens is this:
- When you signed this contract your family member puts in their social security, id, and address and agrees to pay you this money
- And accepts all the consequences if he gets sued
- Now this doesn’t sound like something you do with friends and family does it ( that’s why I say just don’t even lend them money)

The worst that can happen is this:
- They pay you but they are no longer the friend or family member you use to love
- Or they don’t pay you and sue them, and then you’ll have a different type of problem
- It's just best to avoid it overall

3. So What do you do instead
- I have a brother that always have great business ideas and always needs money to do them
- He doesn’t have a job, has 3 kids, and still lives with his mom
- Does the sounds like a good person to lend money to (no), but you might want to lend them money to help them get out of that

Quote: you can't help someone that doesn’t help themselves or doesn’t want to be helped

What I do:
- Whenever he or any family member askes me for my money, which is rarely ( I say I don’t lend people money, and I don’t have extra money but If I do get something I can help you )
- So usually once or twice a year I might send $20 his way or someone else's way
- But this doesn’t change the relationship

But also keep in mind:
- If everything you visit a family, you have to give them money
- Sometimes you just don’t even go because you feel like its something you need to do
- But that’s bs, go and if they ask to say, I just don’t have any money right now ( confrontation is good sometimes )

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[bl]

Had a former friend I worked with ask to borrow $10 to buy
two $5 lottery scratch tickets, and he'd pay me back payday (in 10 days). I gave him
the $10, and he won $500 on each ticket. I drove him to cash the tickets in, and went back to his house.
When he was getting out of my car, I mentioned the $10 he owed me. He said that it was HIS money, and
he had said that he'd pay me back After I cussed him out, he gave me my $10 back, and he lost a good paying job because I was his ride to work (in another city) which I stopped doing.

[elroco]

You let someone borrow money once or twice, they'll always call you when they're in a bind. SAY NO!

[grahamcrackerjay]

People act weird, when you ask for your money back. Like there offended that you didn't give it to them 😆

[Panda_J]

I just lost one of my close friends for 20+ years this month over money.
Lesson learned. Don’t lend money and don’t do business with family or friends

[webbie]

I was stupid to tell my sister how much I have in my savings, a week later, she asked me to borrow her $2, 000. I will never mentioned to anyone how much money I have ever again. Lesson learned

[jonie]

This is true, stop lending friends. No friends I lent ever paid me back and that too means ending a friendship. You'll just end up disappointed and sometimes it's so hard to shake off that heavy feeling. If you can't say 'no' tell instead you just have enough budget for your day to day expenses. If you think you can afford to lend just give enough money you can afford to lose in that way you treat it as a gift. Don't ever feel guilty for saying no, they are not your responsibility. This is what I've learned in the past 20+ yrs with friends who ask to borrow from me and learned that 99% won't pay you back anymore. Trust me.

[donnabennett]

Whenever anyone hints (they won't come out and ask) about money issues and yes, we all have them. I tell them I don't have it. Period. I don't give money either. I'm not a bank. I don't understand why I'm the one everyone comes to with their hands out. I never borrow from anyone either. I just do without. If I can't afford it, I don't buy it or borrow for it.

[itskia]

It's always a gamble when you loan ppl money. The best thing to do is simply say no, those who know your heart will respect your answer and those who don't respect your answer don't respect you as a person.

[MrEOM]

Happened to me twice im done lending this person money. 😠 I literally had to ask for the money back like why am I begging for something I'm rightfully owed.

[mikejwomack]

I have borrowed $3, 000 my car was in desperate need of repair Me being a person of pride it took a lot to even ask. I told them I would Pay them $350 a Month over the course of 10 months.
I paid in full and on time plus Took them out to Dinner. I would never borrow what I know I can’t pay back

[CalebOliver]

I agree Tommy! Do not lend money to family! It’s not worth it. And think of it this way: it is better for your family member to get mad that you did not lend them money (you didn’t lose money), than to give the loan, then that person gets mad at you for requesting them to repay you (and you lost money).

[Gentledegenerate]

I never give money out if I’m going to expect it back, if you don’t give it back, then that just became your bday present/Christmas gift and don’t ask me for anything else. I will acknowledge the fact that you didn’t pay me though.

[BreadFred]

One thing I dislike about lending money, or anything, to a person is that person now knows you're "mandated" to help him/her soon after in order he/she pays you back. Basically, that person has no intention to pay back and wants to squeeze you a little more out of anything - another loan, a ride, a big favor. Once you get fed up or stop helping out, that person has an "excuse" for not paying you back just because you were a "jerk" or "I needed you in time of need."

[BKLYNButcherBlocks]

I was in this situation and I knew I had to lend only as much money as I would be willing to simply give this person, and I had to be willing to accept that I may never ever see that money again and be 100% okay with that and not have that impact my relationship with that person. It's a tricky thing, mixing business/money and family

[kemaine]

My brother has owed me $250 for the last 5 years, my best friend owes me $700 for the last year
I wish I did it different

[wandawhite]

I still remember my brother not paying me back for a ticket he received. This was 35 years ago.

[kingfratetrainbeats]

From the title I can tell that tommy had that uncle that always asked for a dollar 😂

[DNGH]

This came right on time because just the other day I was searching for videos on this topic. This has been my problem in 2020. I'm so glad you touched on this. Thank you!

[donaldmcgee]

Or don't fall for the bait, meaning when they start saying their having a hard time, playing the violins in the background, let them vent, but don't fall for it.

[JordanEvers.]

Money does not have friends or cousins