Why Does He Keep Coming Back If He’s NOT Into Me? 17 Reasons

Picture this. You meet a great guy, and things seem to be going well. Perhaps you end up in a relationship, or maybe you don’t get around to defining it. But for whatever reason, things don’t work out, and you both go your separate ways. At least, that’s what you thought you’d agreed on. But a few weeks or months later, he pops back into your life like an old tax return. And he continues to do this over and over again. Naturally, you’re confused.
“Does he still like me?”
“Should I give him a second chance?”
“Why does he keep coming back and then leaving?”
Mixed signals like these can mess with your head and your heart.

[copacetic]

1. Because he can.(You'll always be there).
2. Doesn't know what he wants.
3. He's not ready to commit.
4. Has attachment issues. (For e.g. anxious/avoidant)avoidance.
5. He doesn't like you enough to consider a relationship with you. (Their problem. Not yours).
6. He's physically attracted but not emotionally or intellectually attracted.
7. He doesn't want anyone else to have you.(Even though he doesn't want you).
8. He wants validation. Maybe ignored by other women. And needs you to make him feel special.
9. He's lonely. He'll provide the gf experience without commitment.
10. He's selfish.
11. Wants sex. (Does not mean he loves you).
12. Speaking to multiple women at the same time.
13. You are a welcome distraction from the misery of his everyday life.
14. Because he just got out of a relationship. He's not ready for someone new.
15. Keeping his options open.
Allow these guys to pursue you.
YOU keep your options opened!
16. He's not over you.
If he's not meeting basic needs walk away.
17. He's genuinely interested in you.
Have an adult conversation about it.
Confusion: move on.
Clarity: keep dialogue going.

[edithmro]

It’s as simple as if he hasn’t claimed you. He doesn’t want you.

[African.Diaspora.InLondonUK]

Men will create chaos & confusion, when they consider u an option.
Men who make u a priority do not create confusion+ cause u to overthink.
Action: raise your standard, delete+ block if u must.

[annagraham]

The reason why he keeps coming back, he may truly care about you, maybe he genuinely doesn’t know he’s selfish. Protect yourself at all cost..

[edithmro]

Men know who they want in a relationship. Sadly there will be mixed signals, but they know who they want in a relationship even if he sleeps with you. Once a guy wants someone they take that leap regardless of the risks… because they will try so what they want is not going to be taken by someone else.

[edithmro]

I get ghosted so much by someone that keeps coming back. I've known him for a year already. This back and forth Ness I can't do it no more. You're right about giving that gf experience without earning it. Then he leaves. Ofc he won't stay if he gets what he wants and I allow it.

[LoveStrategies]

Had a little fun with this video while I'm stuck in the house sick. What ya'll think of this format?

[sarahbotha]

Adam, I am sorry that you were feeling sick, but am glad for the video. Nice to have someone cheer you on for making the right move.

[Schoolbuskell]

I like how Adam validates without victimization 🙌

[russlleno]

I love that this is downloadable so we can memorize while we jog lol thank you!

[jackypiros]

This is such a great video! 💜 So true, and I can spot those ROPERS from a mile away haha. Hope you get well soon Adam!

[elinamashinini]

Thank you so much for your advice I will stop waisting my anergy to a wrong man

[barbaramascaro]

I have a long distance guy that keeps coming back! It's the same old every time, "Ugh, I've been sooo busy"...I know he's full of crap, so I try to tell him, "look, we can be friends but I want something different, I want a relationship"...So we'll talk for a while and next thing you know he's hitting me up for phone sex! So I repeat that's not what I want...He pursues me until he sees I'm not going to give in, then gets tired of it, finds someone new, it doesn't work out for him, and "BOOM", he's back!! He sees me as his backup girl in case his new girl doesn't work out...I occupy space until he sees what he considers someone more interesting...This has been going on for over 2 years!!!! And I agree, once I'm over it and decide to move on, he decides to show up again like a "feral cat looking for it's next meal"!! Ugh!!!

[mandy]

Aww get better soon!! I am suffering laying down with a bad ischias compressed nerve.. Ouuchhh.. So have a nice weekend. Xoxoxo from berlin.

[sheilannnataucappo]

I was talking to him, he told me he misses me, I told him I missed him too . We where talking, then he quit also he found another woman. He doesn't even talk to me anymore.

[EdelweisSusie]

Don't let yourselves become a 'placeholder', ladies. If you feel he's being distant/not texting back/leaving gaps between dates or otherwise messing with you, GET ON WITH YOUR OWN LIFE and make HIM fit into it when/if he does turn up. The more scarce you are, the more he will chase you and if the relationship hasn't firmed up within, say, 2 years total - MOVE ON. Difficult when you have fallen for someone, I know, but think with your HEAD to look after your HEART and don't let your life be destroyed like mine was. Good luck.

[carolinesw]

Such a great insight in this episode Adam! Would you share a bit more about inter-racial dating? I am an East Asian American woman. Sometimes I run into guys who date exclusively East Asian women. It can be confusing. Keep up the great work!

[haileycassidy]

Can anyone please help! More often than not he sends a good morning text... But I think I may have fudged up. I started pursuing a guy less than a month ago, my mind wants it to be moving along faster than it is and I get hasty...
On Thursday I texted him: "Hey! I'm off the next two days, I'd like to spend some time with you, what day sounds good?"
No reply.
I sent him 2 pictures from fishing (he's a charter captain) with his hat on he'd left at my place the other week.
No reply.
So I did that girl-panic thing and said: "Hey, feels like when I reach-out it's not enough. If that's the case, I can totally digress. Mean that kindly 🙂. No awkwardness-es."
No reply.
I immediately unfriended him on Facebook.
What's the better way I could have said it? Is there any way I can retract my text of desperation and impatient text?
Thank you.

[Liljazz]

Ex stills texts me some times. Last time we texted he treated me like crap and BLAME ME FOR HIS BEHAVIOR.
He texted me again saying he’s sorry. Nmw he always disrespects me. Any advice.
Don’t settle for less!

[MicheleHerrmann]

Thanks, Adam. I worry that I come across as safe and boring to guys. It seems that men like women who are adventurous or spontaneous. I try to do a lot of fun things but I work a lot. Any advice?