Why can't I connect with my inner child? ep.209

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton explains why a therapist won’t just tell you what you want to hear, and how to get over the feeling that they are only being kind because you are paying them. She also talks about inner child work and why it can be so tough to do, what to do if therapy isn’t helping and we feel worse, and some tips for emotion regulation. Finally, she tells us what to do if we are assaulted by our therapist, and whether or not we play a role in our own suffering. Introduction: 00:08

00:44 How do I believe the things my therapist says and not just think she is saying them because I am paying her? I’ve been in therapy over two years and I’m just now discussing CSA with her. I find myself doubting everything she says when she gives me validation, like she’s just saying what I wanna hear and not really being honest. I want to receive everything she says. How do I get past this?

06:08 Hi Kati, Love your channel and both of your books! I'm wondering why I'm having such a hard time connecting to my inner child? I have some childhood trauma I'm working on in therapy, but I can't seem to do the inner child work. I don't really like my inner child, she's vulnerable. Do you have any tips to help overcome this hurdle? Thank you for all that you do!

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15:31 I've been in therapy for almost two years now, and I feel like my problems have just been getting worse. No matter what I try to do, my mental health either stays the same or doesn't get any better. I'm having a hard time figuring out if it might just be because I'm scared to get better. I know that you might suggest finding another therapist, but the problem is that for some reason I'm extremely attached to my therapist and I'm not sure if I would be able to function without her in my life. My entire existence relies on her presence at the moment, and I feel like therapy is...

21:47 What techniques are available to help you get through significant emotional dysregulation short term (the next few hours)? I find the whole ‘opening up’ in therapy very emotionally difficult, so I write out what I need to say between the sessions, leading to an escalating emotional state prior to each session …. Unfortunately, I had to cancel a session … I didn’t react well. (I was very surprised how difficult I found it). I became very dysregulated and spent half a day with significant dissociation that I couldn’t “coping skill” my way out of. Do you have any tips for how to handle in the short term, having an ‘event’ that is a particular stressor, when the coping skills are not enough?

27:18 Do you have any advice about dealing with being assaulted by a therapist in session? So I developed an ED in college as my depression and anxiety worsened along with it. I worked up the courage to go to the college provided counselor, but because of the program's limitations and understaffing the only available one was a male. I find much more comfort with women so I really didn't want to but I had come this far. Long story short, after a few sessions he ended up grabbing my hand when I was upset which led to him touching and taking advantage of me- I was frozen on the chair and did nothing, said nothing. I don't remember a lot, it's quite foggy but I don't believe it was "too horrible" but still not okay. It was before spring break and basically no one was left in the office. I left and told no one. I'm ashamed and feel like a coward because perhaps he hurt others...

33:29 I recently read a quote saying, "healing also means taking responsibility for the role you play in your own suffering." Can you please explain this to me?

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[thepainteduniverse]

I notice you keep calling yourself a “weird therapist on the internet.” I think you deserve a lot better than that. “Cool therapist on the internet” would be a good start. 😘❤

[janetslater]

I struggled with inner child work, as my inner little girl would often "disappear, " or often "hide, " to where I couldn't find her, and certainly wouldn't be able to bring her out. My therapist at the time and I tried this off and on for a few months, but didn't have much success with it. The most I could do was just maybe check in with her for when she would appear, and just give her a ton of space, as she could easily "switch' and "disappear" again. I hope this makes sense.

[pandagiri]

RE: reporting licensed doctors to a board... (TW: harmful doctor)

Unfortunately it isn't as easy or as good as that sounds.
I had a gynecologist that was well aware of my sexual assault in my records. I am also ace and do not participate in any sexual acts. I was struggling with horrific grapefruit-sized fibroids that were not only in my uterus but also covering my cervix. They tried to look inside with a tool that had to be inserted. I asked if there was any other way and they said no. The only way for them to diagnose me and possibly suggest having a hysterectomy is if they had a look inside. Despite being aware of my past trauma, they couldn't get passed the fibroid that had lodged and covered up my cervix (and thus also my uterus). So instead of stopping, they kept ramming the camera tool inside me, pulling it out then shoved back in as hard as they could... over and over again.

I sent a report to the Oregon state board of doctors and also to the state, and they said they could not find any wrongful behavior and couldn't do anything about it.
Unfortunately, Ms. Kati, the board isn't on our side. They're subjected to same level of corruption as anyone else with power, beholden to anyone that pays the most. They didn't believe me because this doctor has shown exceptional work previously, supposedly.

[GlitteryPegasus]

I know when I started bandaging and taking care of self harm wounds, I started doing it less and less until I stopped. Use a red Sharpie when you want to self harm. I promise, the red mark feels just as validating. And, you have to scrub really hard to get it off. Which hurts a bit, but doesn't leave any scars. Using a Sharpie helped me immensely. I've heard of people doing artwork. I think that's an amazing idea. But, honestly, I just wanted pain, and red marks were enough for me. I still keep a red Sharpie, even though, I (mostly) don't have self harm urges anymore. I think it's a great thing to have on hand as a coping skill.

Be well, everyone.

[HeathaLynn]

I love your channel and the way you speak. It’s very clear, comforting and easy to understand. Thank you

[morganmiller-btkh]

Thank you, Kati. I hope you're well

[saramedlin]

Thanks for everything you do your podcast has gotten me through some really hard times your awesome

[xymor]

The last one was really nice to have a explanation on, I still feel very triggered with anything regarded to responsability or guilt probably because I was emotionnaly neglected.
So hearing that you still have power even when you feel powerless is hard. And I know it means to help or empower in order to change.
But yes, it feels kinda victim blaming in a way as you would be seen responsible for not doing enough to change. Like we are already in a bad place and they say it's a little of our fault too, look at what you're doing today !
I've finished a book form a therapist that was speaking even about a form of addiction to pain because it's all we know, that's what is safe, our go to.
Mental health is hard, I didn't sign up for that. 😣

But to end on positive note thank you for you videos it helps !

[otrinolaringolog]

Oh, Kati, you do look so beautiful and peaceful today. I'm so glad seeing you this way. My inspiration
...

[ajc]

Hello Kati, I love your content and I have been watching for years. It is really helping understand myself and people going on around me.

I might be in the minority, I might not like change and I give you all the room for you to continue how you have chosen to take your show but I would also like to honor myself and speak up for myself and anyone else too scared to speak up:
I actually prefer the longer episodes. I don't really enjoy the "let me tell you what I am going to tell you" even though I understand that the rule is: "tell them what you are going to tell them, tell them and then tell them what you told them" I find the rule grating and gives people room to not really pay attention. Thirdly and while I probably have the courage to say anything these dislikes are doubled by connecting shortened content AND added an "I'll tell you what I am going to tell section, making what you actually have to say even less." I just start settling in and bam the episode is over.
May you be well and continue however is best for you. Thank you

[nikkimckay]

@katimorton:Thanks for always recording and putting out these mental health podcasts you honestly are a lovely person and therapist you care so much ❤️ ❤

[shawnvanorder]

Have a great day Kati! Love your content 💕☮️

[nikkimckay]

AKA&OTDM.hello and good afternoon Kati it's been a while since iv been listening and watching these Podcasts so I am just jumping back in I really am going through a horrible depression state right now for over a week I'm struggling and feeling exhausted trying to fight and push though my mental health I really needed to get back into watching and listening to you you looking beautiful very nice top too hopefully I can relate to some of the questions your podcast use too help I hope they can again ❤❤

[loriyarbour]

I’ve been dealing with attachment for so long that I don’t think it will ever go away. I’ve been in therapy for almost 5 yrs and my therapist and I have talked about it.

[Happygoddessa]

That's good. Thanks for sharing this.

[Katy-qkqo]

Hi, Kati~ I didn't find your podcasts all that long ago, but gain some fresh insight from each one I listen to. Thank you for the thought, energy, and positive regard you put into producing them! What are you referring to when you end each podcast with, "Do your homework"? (Apologies if its explained somewhere obvious; I haven't landed on it yet.) I am a dedicated believer in therapy homework! 😉 Thanks so much, Katy

[angko-pe]

Thanks for answering my question, question 6. I like your quote a lot better 😅 Thanks

[ladybaabaa]

I also can't access my inner child. I'm 45 and have never liked most kids, even when I WAS one! lol. I've never had any maternal instincts apart from animals. The only way I can look at my young self with any kind of love and compassion is if I view or imagine her through my mum's eyes, as my mum loved / loves me so much.

Vulnerability to me...means different things depending on who is being vulnerable.

If it's me? It makes me feel embarrassed, unworthy, inferior, shameful, stupid, disgusting and helpless.

If it's my few most deeply loved ones who are being vulnerable, I feel scared, like they're not ok and it freaks me out. I feel like I have to fix it or make things happy or funny to bring relief.

If it's a friend or someone I'm attracted to who is being vulnerable? The former makes me feel awkward and I just want to leave, as I don't really care. OR I feel somewhat mentally stimulated because I can offer advice and insight, which boosts my ego. The latter, it makes me feel turned on and in a position of power. I've always been drawn to strong, tough, stoic people who I then want to "crack" and see their soft, emotional, upset, vulnerable side. Then I feel excited.

I am REALLY messed up!!!

[alibongois]

The semantics ideas sound amazing for my ADHD child. Def going to try this for us both

[nikkimckay]

Just want to share in the comments in this safe space I haven't been in therapy for over a year and I am still on a waiting list waiting for the mental health service s to contact me but I must try my best to cope because the list is so long everyone else here going through the same thing I send you care /and prayers because fighting mental health and without help is hard ❤❤