Autism Diagnosis In Adulthood

A deep dive into the 7 stages of Autistic realisation, a roadmap of the possible situations, headspaces, and hurdles you may come across on your own Autism journey!

What are the 7 stages of processing an Autism diagnosis? How does it feel to be diagnosed Autistic? How does stigma impact your choice to pursue a diagnosis?

This is a subjective review of the stages you 'may' go through as an Autistic person on your way to self-acceptance, and is NOT objective or scientific... simply from my own experience, A LOT of testimonials from Autistic people, and my own conversations with other Autistic adults.

Join Thomas Henley for a FULL crash course on the many signs, symptoms, and traits of Autism in Autistic adults and Autistic children!

Chapters:
00:00 Introduction
01:26 The 7 Stages - Overview
03:07 Stage 1 - Autism Awareness
05:24 Stage 2 - Relatability With Autism
06:53 Stage 3 - Autism Education
08:37 Stage 4 - Self-Reflection
09:54 Stage 5 - The Cycle of Grief
13:19 Stage 6 - Growth and Change
16:11 Stage 7 - Autism Acceptance

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[curiouscandour]

I would switch 6 and 7. I think acceptance comes after grieving, and growth comes after acceptance.

[ChrisSchaffer]

I'm going through all of this right now - been in research mode since May '23 and came to the 'acceptance' cliff a couple weeks ago. I'm turning 40 soon.... My undergraduate and graduate degrees are in PSYCHOLOGY... I always knew I a bit odd, knew I could be intense, knew there were a lot of things that I avoided and had very complex (and wrong) reasons for avoiding. I never once, until actually refreshing everything I have ever been taught about autism, considered that I might be anything other than a bit odd. Suddenly had to take a very very hard look at my life and take that step of saying "ok... maybe I've been wrong" ... and doing that has finally handed me a key that unlocks so many closed doors in my head. It hurts like hell to re-examine my life, my parents, everyone of my relationships... but it also feels like giving myself space and grace to have been explainable different.

In spite of that pain, and all the tears that have come out recently... I'm happy. It turns out, I like me. Or at the very least, I like being able to finally meet a me that is real.

[Andrea-rwtf]

I have been through all of this I’m in the US born in 1979, black in the south and no one was looking for autistic black girls.

[PaulaRoederer]

I tend to think of myself as uniquely challenged, as opposed to disabled, though some days, when things are particularly difficult, I might be inclined to feel that "disabled" may be a bit more accurate.

[StellaMoon]

My experience might be a little wonky, but I'm probably not completely alone here. I was diagnosed 15-years ago, at the age of 48, and I simply ignored that - for more than a decade; I could not wrap my mind around it. The stages and acceptance and all of it, only began a couple of years ago. I grew up in a time when it was accepted that "girls aren't autistic." I've been experiencing tremendous grief and anger, because my entire life has been really hard, and I just thought I was flawed. I started crying watching this, just because I feel so much loss - my life has been eaten by anxiety and depression, and I still feel really lost, and it's nearly impossible to find help or resources as an adult.

[Catlily]

Good video!

My autistic traits were seen as traits of mental illnesses for most of my life. I was in a mental health bubble. I never would have considered autism without mental health professionals suggesting it. I got diagnosed with Autism level 2 last year at age 47. I think if I was a child now I would have been diagnosed earlier but in the 70's and 80's only more severe cases were diagnosed.

[Rabenov-wqqyqgt]

Yes, there is a tsunami of self-knowledge, and that could definitely lead to depression for some. Many people no longer contact me, but there is this large community on social platforms. I was also able to help some people. What always amazes me in everyday life is the ability to recognize other autistic people. That would be an idea for another video!

[raven]

I'm going through these things in waves. What I'm processing depends on the day. Sometimes it's positive like when I feel like I'm growing. Then there are days of mourning I get out of by comparing my life now to how it was before I found online help. BIG difference!

[wildernessisland]

I feel like stages 1-5 happened to me all at once, working on 6 and 7 now 😊 great video thank you!

[ricksunstrom]

I really liked your video and have enjoyed much of your content in general! I am 53 and just realized that I am autistic within the last year. Initially, I strongly denied that I was autistic and as the reality of it sunk in, I experienced a lot of different stages of grief. But mostly, as I have accepted and embraced the reality that I am autistic, it has been incredibly liberating as it feels like my whole life suddenly makes sense. Don't get me wrong, I still have challenges, but now I know why I have these challenges, and "knowing" is half the battle. I am still figuring out how to live my best life as an autistic person, but I am very hopeful and feel my future is bright as I have already learned to deal with some issues that were causing damage to some important relationships in my life. Thanks again and keep the good content coming

[Eryniell]

interestingly, even before autism came up as a possibility for me, in the awareness phase from your points, I always felt disabled because i was struggling with so many things that seemed to come easy to other people. I didn't believe that I was actually disabled though, cause just as other people didn't "see" me as disabled, I wasn't able to "see" it either (was stuck in that view I had been hearing everywhere, that i'm not really struggling unless it's visible). So i ended up with alot of self loathing of "why can't i just do this and that like everyone else?" (it's better now, but I'm still struggling with it at times when i get reminded that even things i want to do are not excempt)

[Carols]

for me, it was by accident. I searched about my problems and my "symptoms" online and everything that showed up was about autism and ADHD, to the point the algorithm thought that's what I wanted so it started showing me more of those things, which I read/watched, and related, which lead me to research more and more and more... Everything about myself and my life started to click. I'm on my way to getting an official diagnosis in a month or so, and I'm excited and so scared. Scared of being wrong, and scared of being right.

thought I was a pretty open minded and learned person, but I've been dealing with a lot of internalized ableism. So much of it, and grief, and joy. Tbh I'm very tired as I write this. On top of it all, my country sucks at mental health, the therapies and resources for autism and adhd are slim and straight out of the 70's.

[Lynee]

This is so relatable to my learning journey and revelations over the last 18 months/2 years, answering and coming to understand so much about my entire life. Having 3 grandchildren all diagnosed with autism sent me on this path wanting to learn everything I could to help and understand the hows’s and why’s. Thankyou Thomas

[congratulations-]

there was denial after before-while education for me. That stage took me 3 years alone

[julierhan]

I can’t believe how much this applied to me. Kind of shocking that what I assumed was quite an individual, personal experience is somewhat universal! Thank you so much for the great content.

[yoni-in-BHAM]

I don't have a third eye, I have four eyes! 🤓

Um, anyway... 😏

I never heard of autism growing up in the 1970's and 80's. It was around of course but it wasn't on my radar. I've befriended many "disabled" classmates in my youth but I didn't ask questions, I just noticed that they were sort of outcasts like I was.

✋🏽WARNING ⚠️ MINDLESS FLUFF AHEAD:

I hated myself for many reasons. Being different and what I thought at the time was being unloved were the main reasons. I also thought that my parents didn't like or love me - hating myself for being Black came in around the tenth grade. I also wasn't accepted by the few Black kids around, nor by some of the White kids. The Mexicans were more accepting somewhat; but it was the Polynesians, Vietnamese, Filipinos, and Southeast Asians that were very accepting of me.

*No hate please, just sharing MY experiences from my neck of the woods back in the seventies and eighties.

***Side note: And I don't know why, but while traveling around in Singapore and Bali while in the military, the local people there kept asking me if I was from Guam or Indonesia... 🤔🤷🏽‍♀️

Anyway, those scoolmates didn't care that I was "different" and had a funny speech pattern and constantly talked about space, historical facts, Godzilla, super heroes, kung-fu, National Geographic and my rock, bone, stamp and coin collections among other things. 😮‍💨

🛣️🚦END OF FLUFF, SAFE TO PROCEED!

When I got my ADHD diagnosis five years ago at the VA (Veterans Administration), I really didn't think much about it, but I knew that it didn't cover my other issues. Two years ago I started googling my issues. Autism popped up over and over again. So I took that online test just to see what the results would be.

Well, the numbers were pretty high, but I took it with a grain of salt and mulled it over for awhile. After getting into the Ketamine program last year for my severe depression, I was better able to put my thoughts together and really dig deep into this autism thing. I asked my psychiatrist if there was a way for me to get tested for autism. He hooked me up with a neuropsychologist and my journey to diagnosis began; And yep, you guessed it, verified! The Dr. told me that I had what used to be called Aspergers but that that term was no longer used professionally.

The funny thing was that I accepted it immediately! 🤸🏽‍♀️💃🏽 Yes, I did look back on my past in an analytical way and realized that my parents didn't hate me, they were autistic as well and were dealing with their issues. But I did the looking back while researching. It was like my whole life experiences hit me in an instant!

- it was weird -

It was like my past had been lived as if I knew what I know now, if you get what I mean? Like an alternate reality opened where everyone and everything in my past was lived openly through the lens of autism and there wasn't any ignorance and I had support.

I know, weird! *Cue Twilight Zone intro.. du du du du..🕜

I immediately, instantly loved and accepted everything about who I was, and who I am now. (I accepted being Black (my way of being Black, and it's ok 👏🏽👍🏽) years ago by the way.) There wasn't an anger phase for me, just total love and acceptance.

I still deal with the struggle of being me with the whole AuDHD, OCD; depressive disorder, possible dyslexia; lupus, fibromyalgia, heart defect, sciatica and a host of other issues.

But I'm here to tell ya, I yam what I yam - why am I suddenly craving spinach spinach?

And all is...oh look, a rock! 👀🪨



*Edited to correct a word

[rishikakrishna]

omg watching this after a livestream feels so!! 🧑‍🏫 Professor Henley

[kilgoretrout]

Thank you for this as my journey of self-discovery has been quite the process. I took an online test about 9 years ago when I was 48 and dismissed it as another label for my mental health issues, at the time I was fed up with going to therapy and getting meds for depression and anxiety without ever seeing real relief so yeah, another label. Over the years since then, I started taking the concept that I might be autistic more seriously and when I started looking at my life (all the way to early childhood) through the autistic lens, my life all of a sudden made sense and it was liberating to finally make sense of my past and has helped me make some peace with myself for poor choices and actions in my life. I'm finally going to start the process for an official diagnosis this year as I really want to know if I'm autistic and/or other things as well such as ADHD or borderline pd or something else different entirely because I just want to be able to make sense out of my existence and figure out how to coexist in a world that never feels quite right to me.

[CheezInspector]

Great vid. Hopefully gratitude is a part of the Self-acceptance stage. Like feeling grateful to discover one is not "weird", just a little different in some ways.

[InLoveWithVintage]

Hehehe your cut where you said g damnit was heartfelt my guy 😊